


It's Always Like That

by Artemis7of9



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Additional Warnings in Notes, Angel Aaltonen is good with kids, Canon Compliant, Gender Neutral Pronouns for Hange | Hange Zoe, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Levi has a Little Sister, Not Beta Read, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Rewrite, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan-Typical Violence, Shingeki no Kyojin: Before the fall | Attack on Titan: Before the Fall, Shingeki no Kyojin: Ilse's Notebook | Attack on Titan: Ilse's Notebook, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:00:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 68,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28446540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis7of9/pseuds/Artemis7of9
Summary: Alicia's first (somewhat) clear memory, is of being huddled up in the corner of a dark room with a bed in the center of it. She can barely lift her own head, and her small body is being held close to her older brother's chest. From what he's told her, that was the room her mother lived and worked in as a prostitute. The two of them were the product of her carelessness, the result of getting knocked up by a customer not once, but twice.What a distasteful way to start off such an important life.{Disclaimer: Not doing this for any reason other than I wanted to get this story written down somewhere. Updates will be inconsistent. Everything is Canon compliant, including deaths, relationships, and violence/gore. Except for my OC, obviously.}
Relationships: 104th Training Corps & Original Female Character(s), Angel Aaltonen & Original Female Character(s), Hange Zoë & Original Female Character(s), Isabel Magnolia & Furlan Church & Original Female Character(s), Levi & Hange Zoë, Levi & Original Female Character(s), Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager & Original Female Character(s), Petra Ral & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 61
Kudos: 42





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Before we begin:
> 
> The title is based off the song from Attack On Titan: No Regrets, "So Ist Es Immer", German for "It Is Always Like That" 
> 
> I will be referencing Before the Fall, Ilse's Notebook, and No Regrets in this work (and any other canon aot spin offs I decide to squeeze in somehow.) This includes an appearance from a 80-something-year-old Angel Aaltonen, Basically the entire first episode of No Regrets, plus a portion of the second one, and mentions/a few conversations about Ilse's notebook and the contents. I highly recommend watching/reading all three, I enjoyed them alot, and they're all canon so...
> 
> Warnings for this Chapter: Foul Language/Cursing, Mentions of Prostitution, Non-Graphic Violence

My first somewhat clear memory is of being huddled up in the corner of a dark room with a bed in the center of it. I could barely lift my head, and my small body was being held close to my older brother's chest. From what he's told me, that was the room our mother lived and worked in as a prostitute. The two of us were the product of her carelessness, the result of getting knocked up by a customer not once, but twice. 

I know, way to go safe sex, am I right? I mean, once, sure, accidents happen, look at that you now have a baby boy you can barely feed, but 10 years later, the same thing happens again? Seriously? I don't resent my mother, (She did bring me into this fucked up world after all) but the woman wasn't exactly a stable, caring mother (Refused to even tell us our last name. Who does that?), I have little to no memory of her, and sometimes it just feels good to blame someone else for my misfortune. 

I'm still not exactly sure why he did it, (maybe because he and my mother were friends?) but one day we were saved by a man named Kenny.

I don't have a clear memory of the day he found us, but I do remember sitting in my brother's lap across the table from Kenny. I remember Levi (My brother) breaking off small pieces of the bread and meat he was eating, and gently placing them in my clammy little hands. I remember squishing a piece of beef between my fingers, before carefully placing it on my tongue, gumming it a bit, and swallowing. 

I remember the first time Kenny and Levi let me wield a knife. I was almost two years old, and Kenny had taken me and Levi into a small alley between our house and another building. 

"You've gotta grip it tight... Not that tight- okay now you're screwing with me kid that's way too loose" I giggled as Kenny smirked and shook his head. "Look, feel this," He took a few steps forward and I dropped my blade as he took my wrist, gripping it in his hand "You feel the way I'm pressing? Not like I'm about to let go anytime soon, but also not like I'm trying to squeeze it so hard it pops off"

My eyes widened and I tilted my head "Could you do that?"

Kenny removed his hand from my wrist "Well gee I don't know. Not like I've ever thought of trying that-... Ya know what I'll keep that in mind."

"That would be a sight to see," Levi said, still watching from his lean against a wall.

Kenny shook his head "Ah, wrist removal aside," I giggled a bit "try grabbing me the same way I did you" I nodded and clutched his arm with a firm (But of course, not too firm) grip. "There ya go. Now try it on the blade."

"Okay," I said and picked up my knife from where I'd dropped it on the ground. I held it with the same grip I had on Kenny's wrist.

"Ah, great, if you could just move your thumb down like so and... voila! Levi come look closer, she's a natural."

"Natural? You just spent 20 minutes trying to explain how tight she has to grip her blade." Levi contradicted, though he walked over to look anyway.

"Oh, hush. Give the girl some credit! Alicia is a lot younger than you were, and she's pickin' it up quick for a youngin'." Levi shook his head and returned to his post. Kenny turned back to me. Now, spread your legs out a little wider- that's it, okay now flick your wrist like so and..." 

I stepped forward and slashed my knife through the air with a quick flick of my wrist. I looked towards Kenny, "How was that?"

He grinned and put his hand down on my head, ruffling my hair "That was pretty damn good.. for your first time swinging a blade, anyway." I huffed and punched him in the side.

The first time I met Angel, was the first time in my entire life I experienced true, un-filtered, fear. Why you may ask? Well, I had experienced the one thing children of my age (3, at the time.) dreaded most in life. I was separated from my family in the marketplace. It sounds silly now, especially with all that has happened to me in the years since then, but at the time it was the greatest fear I had ever known. 

I had been walking sort of at a distance from my brother and Kenny, but we got separated at one point and just my luck, the streets had been extra busy that day. I kept getting swept away and pushed around by the crowd until finally, I crashed into someone and we both went toppling to the ground. "I am so sorry!" I yelped quickly getting to my feet and spinning around. 

Oh boy, my day just kept getting worse. The person I had bumped into was an old man, with a cane and everything! I remember I started hyperventilating a bit. Everything was moving so fast, and I couldn't focus on one single thing long enough to ground myself, remind myself I was- 

"Are you okay?" a voice asked. I looked up. It was the old man I had crashed into. "Hey, I asked if you were okay. Are you injured?"

"I- I'm not injured, just lost... Hang on why are YOU asking ME if I'm okay? I should be asking you! I was the one who bumped into you!" 

"Hm, I guess so. But, you're lost right?" he asked.

I nodded "I got separated from my brother and our caretaker... I don't know where I am now."

"Hm... Where do you live?"

"Cannon street.."

He smiled lightly "Ah, see, no need to fret, I know the way." he fumbled a bit before resting his hand on my shoulder and lightly pushing me along with him "My name is Angel. What's yours?"

I eyed him warily as I walked beside him "Alicia."

"Well, Alicia, you don't need to be scared. I'm going to help you."

and help me he did. He showed me the way home, reunited me with Levi and Kenny, then set off back to his house. I wouldn't see him again for a while, but not too long. Angel Aaltonen was not destined to shake me from his tail for quite some time. 

The day Kenny left started mostly like any other. We were out doing... something. I can't remember, and frankly, it's not important to the story. Anyway, all three of us were walking together, but separated by a few feet between each of us. I was almost 4 years old, and not quite yet strong enough to fight anyone for real. Knowing this, I hoped that he had just bumped into me on accident and said "Excuse me" while trying to continue walking. 

But, his grip only me only tightened, and he added his other arm as reassurance. He grabbed my arms and forced them behind my back, saying "Oh yes, you'll do nicely." At that moment, I immediately regretted the placement of my knife. I had tucked it into the side of my boot and was only now realizing how utterly useless it was there, as I couldn't possibly have reached it in a situation like this. 

So, I wriggled my arms and said "Let go of me!" like the desperate little kid I was. When he (obviously) didn't let go of me, I kept struggling and wiggling in his grip. I kept repeating "let go of me! let go!" over and over until as he was about to cover my mouth with a cloth, I screamed in the most desperate voice I could muster "LEVI! HELP ME!"

Just like that, he was there. He was 13, maybe barely 14, but he had his knife in hand, and when he saw me, the look in his eye was terrifying. He yelled "Let go of her!" and slashed a deep gash in the man's arm. He let go of me in pain and quite possibly shock, but before he could regain his composure, Levi signaled me, and we both shoved him onto his back in the middle of the street. My brother kicked him, hard, in the face before he could regain any sort of coherent thought, and then jumped up onto his stomach, causing the man to let out a pained release of air. 

Levi kept kicking, punching, and yelling while I stood to the side, mesmerized. I only looked away when I realized a crowd had formed, and that's when we both saw it. The crowd had parted, and Kenny was walking away. We both knew there was something different. We both knew Kenny normally never left us outside on our own. Deep down, we both knew he was leaving, and unlike Angel, he didn't come back so quickly.


	2. Knives and Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia gains a new friend, and runs into Angel again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this Chapter: Depictions of Violence, Foul Language/Cursing

After the day Kenny left, I did two things: I decided I had to keep my blade somewhere more reachable in any situation. So, I took my belt and fashioned an extra loop designed specifically for holding and concealing a blade. As long as I kept my shirt untucked (Something I did anyway) then you wouldn't be able to tell I had a knife on me. 

I also quit walking in the streets. After two bad experiences walking in crowds, I decided I was done with the whole thing, so I started running on rooftops. It wasn't exactly running at first, and I had to take certain detours because some gaps between buildings were too big for me to jump over, but it soothed my nerves and it was honestly a lot more fun than walking in the crowded streets.

Besides, it vanquished any sort of fear of heights I might have been harbouring, which probably came into factor later when I was getting accustomed to ... Nevermind. 

After about a month of doing this, It was from said rooftops that I spotted Angel again. He was trying to carry two bags on his arm while keeping the other free for his cane, and it didn't take a genius to see he would likely be dropping those bags more than once on his way home. I quickly found a suitable spot and jumped down from the rooftops, before jogging lightly and grabbing hold of him. "Angel!" I called out, and he looked around him before I tugged again and he looked down, squinting slightly at me. "It's Alicia, remember? You helped me get home safely a few months ago."

He smiled and knelt to my level "Ah yes, I remember. Sorry, I didn't recognize you as quickly as you recognized me, but you'll have to forgive me. My eyesight hasn't been at peak performance for decades, and as it is I can only see blurry shapes. Now, what did you want?"

My eyes widened "Oh jeez, I'm... I'm sorry I-I didn't know you were blind. I noticed you were having some difficulty with your bags? I thought you could use an extra set of hands" I held mine up before realizing he probably couldn't see them "If you don't mind"

He sighed "Well if you're sure you can carry them." I grinned, picked up the bags, and we started walking side by side down the street."You sure you won't get lost on your way home afterwards?" he asked me, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

I bumped into him lightly, being careful not to knock him over "Rude. For your information, I'm good with direction, I was just caught off guard by the crowds. I'm small, and easy to push around." 

"Hm, that you are." He said, and we walked in comfortable silence the rest of the way.

Angel Aaltonen's house was off and away from any of the main streets, and even the side ones and back alleys. Up until the moment I stepped inside, I'm not exactly sure what profession I thought he might have, but I knew almost immediately when I walked in. I furrowed my eyebrows a bit "You're.. a blacksmith? What... how do you... but you're.."

He laughed "Ah, now you trip up your words. You know you're very well spoken for someone your age. What are you exactly anyway, 5? 6?"

I gulped and shook my head "I-I'm 4 years old. My brother and our caretaker made developing my speech a top priority." then I shook my head "Back on topic, how exactly are you a blacksmith if you're blind?"

Angel looked at me, before smiling and shrugging "It's a gift." which made me laugh a bit.

About two months later, I met Farlan Church. I'm not exactly sure how he and my brother struck up a conversation, but when I was done buying food and heading back over to him, a tall boy with messy, strawberry blonde hair and icy blue eyes was standing next to my brother and laughing about something. "Okay, then. If you're so strong then..." he glanced around before his eyes landed on a group of 4 burly looking men and he pointed "Fight those thugs over there. You win, I'll believe you."

Levi shook his head with a smirk "Nope. Not good enough. You've gotta sweeten the pot a bit before I use valuable time and energy on those guys."

I rolled my eyes and walked up to them "Levi, I've got the stuff. What are you doing?"

The boy and Levi both turned to look at me. He grinned and leaned down to my level "Well who might you be?"

I glanced at Levi, and he nodded, that small smirk still on his face. "Alicia. I'm Levi's sister." 

"Well Alicia, it's nice to meet you. I'm Farlan Church." he reached out as if to touch the top of my head, but I pulled my knife out from my belt and pointed it directly at his chest.

"Touch me, see what happens." I threatened.

Farlan backpedalled two steps with his hands up before standing properly and laughing "Dang you're feisty. I like it." He glanced at the bag I had in my hand, then turned to Levi "Tell you what; You win against those assholes, I'll pay for the food she's holding. Deal?" he stuck out his hand.

This caused Levi to release a genuine grin and reached to shake Farlan's hand "Deal. Alicia, watch him. I plan to hold him to that deal."

I grinned at him, and saluted (two fingers held to my forehead horizontally, then flicked out) "Sure thing"

Patting his blade, which was safely tucked in his pocket, he turned and walked towards the group of thugs. I couldn't make out what was being said, but I could tell the group didn't think much of this tiny, weird-ass 14-year-old boy. When Levi stopped, facing them, they laughed in his face and spoke amongst themselves, while my brother stood, saying nothing, and watching them. Finally, one of them stepped up right in front of him and started snapping in his face. "What's your brother doing?" Farlan asked, curiously from beside me.

I giggled a little "Just wait for it."

Almost immediately after I said that, Levi punched the man in front of him hard, knocking the wind out of the large male, and causing him to stumble back and fall to the ground, utterly useless for the moment. The other men stared in shock for a few moments, before all rushing towards Levi, screaming at him. My brother pulled out his knife and stabbed the one man in the left shoulder. He cried out in pain, and stumbled backwards to the wall, falling to the ground with his back against the wall. His left arm was limp at his side. 

Levi ducked under the other two men, coming up behind them and kicking the third man in the groin, watching him crumple to the ground. He turned to the fourth, who was charging him in a blind rage. A stupid move, really especially against someone as level headed as my brother was at the time. Levi backed up until he was pressed against the wall, making it seem like he had been outmatched, but just as the man was about to hit him he stepped to the side, letting the man hit his head on the brick wall, and fall to the ground, unconscious.

It was at that moment, I held up my blade pointed at Farlan Church's back, ensuring that even if he did step back in an attempt to escape, he would have nowhere to go. As the men laid on the ground, possibly wondering how they got outmatched, my brother walked back over to me and Farlan.

It was in this moment that I expected him to try and run (like most people in the underground) at the idea of losing what little money they had would, but instead, he grinned and said "God, damn! That was quite a show! Although I have to say, that was quite a cheap move you used on that third guy."

Levi smirked "Sometimes the best way to take a man down is to hit him where it really fucking hurts," he set his hand on my head "Remember that one, Alicia." 

I nodded with a smile, and Farlan laughed "Aw man, that's great. Say, along with me paying for those groceries, how about I make you guys some dinner? All my money's back at my place anyway."

I smiled and Levi nodded "Sounds alright"


	3. Work of an Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia maintains her friendship with Angel as her 5th birthday approaches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Mentions of Death/Self Sacrifice

As I sprinted over the rooftops of the houses and various other buildings in the underground city, I felt my hair flowing behind me and couldn't help thinking: Is this what wind would feel like? Would it blow across my face and lift my hair behind me like the still air does when I run like this, unrestrained? I wondered like this often. I asked myself what the sky might look like, or the stars, or clouds, and the moon! I tried to picture it sometimes, but something about it was never quite right.

I knew the sky was blue, but how blue? I knew the clouds were white and looked soft to the touch, but how white exactly? And how soft could something look from such a distance? I knew wind could get strong, but how strong? Could it pick me up and carry me away? Don't even get me started on  _ rain _ , I mean, as a 4-year-old who'd been living underneath the ground her entire life, the idea of water falling from the sky in droplets sporadically sounded absurd.

I would have wanted to see the outside more than I wanted to live if living didn't mean seeing the outside. Then again, life underneath Stohess wasn't exactly what I would call living, more like merely surviving, if you ask me.

I jumped down from the building closest to my destination and ran over bare space the rest of the way. I stood in front of the wooden door and knocked three times "Hello? Anybody home?"

"Alicia? It's unlocked." I heard a voice say from inside.

I swung the door open and stepped inside, closing it behind me again "Yup! Hello Angel! Sorry it's been a while, I was kinda busy" I said scratching the back of my neck and sitting down on one of the wooden chairs.

"Relax, it's only been about a week since your last visit, and it's not like you're obligated to come. It astounds me that you even want to come and spend time with an old man like me on such a regular basis. You've visited almost bi-weekly since you walked with me 3 months ago." He said, putting some iron in a pot to smelt, and sitting down on a chair facing me.

"I enjoy spending time with you though! It's cool watching you work, and I'm sure you don't mind me coming or you'd have complained about it by now, so you probably won't shake me anytime soon." I grinned.

He laughed lightly "So, what's new? Why have you been so busy this past week, huh?"

I grinned "You remember I told you about that guy, Farlan Church? Our new friend? Well, turns out he has this family home his parents left him; 3 bedrooms, and even a working bathroom. The only trouble is; he doesn't have any family to fill it with. So, since we're working together now, and Levi and I don't exactly have a house, Farlan invited us to come to live with him! I've been getting settled in, and helping Farlan and my brother fix the extra rooms up so we can sleep in them!"

It was really the perfect arrangement. We didn't have to worry about splitting up the pay of heists so much anymore, and before this, Levi and I had just been living in whatever abandoned buildings were convenient.

Angel nodded "Sounds great, and you're sure you can trust him? You've only known him for 2 months now."

I cocked an eyebrow, "I've only officially known you for 3 months, and come to think of it, I know a lot less about you than you do about me."

He chuckled "That is fair. Ask away, I guess. What do you want to know about me?"

"Hm," I thought for a moment, before deciding on "Have you always been a blacksmith?"

He shook his head "No. I used to be an inventor. I was referred to as the 'king of inventors' at one point."

My eyes widened "You invented things? Like what?"

"Mm, all kinds of things. The most famous being that 3D maneuvering gear all the Military Police, Garrison, and Scouts use so much," he replied.

"What?! YOU invented it? When?!" I asked, shocked.

He let out a long sigh "Oh, about 60 years ago now. I was 18 at the time. Of course, the original design could only lift you vertically- Up and down." he motioned with his hands. "But while it wasn't perfect and still required a lot of adjusting, It was still enough for me to use it to take down a titan."

I sat, slack-jawed "You? Took down a Titan?!"

He laughed "Yup! Cost me my eyesight though, and my legs haven't ever really been the same" he tapped his cane on the ground twice.

"I- wow..." I was stunned. Almost speechless, except... "You've got to tell me about, sometime, and I mean FULL DETAILS, nothing spared."

He laughed "Ah, perhaps." he stood up and walked over to the pot, which held only liquid iron now "Though I must warn you, it's quite a gruesome story, and there are some things I'd need to tell you, that you must never repeat to anyone else, understood?" He poured the smelted iron into a mould.

I nodded enthusiastically "Understood. Crystal clear. Won't tell a soul."

He smiled "Alright then... I suppose it started when my old friend Sorum, showed me the lake of frozen gas underneath the industrial city..." He went on to tell me all about his assistant Corina, their visit to the industrial city (A place so guarded and sacred, most of the general populous had no idea it existed! Even though it's almost just outside of Trost, in Wall Rose!), and the titan that was released on Shiganshina through the open gate shortly after their return. The titan promptly killed Corina and was later killed via suicide bombing by his childhood friend Sorum.

He told me with pinpricks of tears in his eyes about the need for vengeance that fueled him to create the first 3D Maneuvering gear, and eventually kill a titan, before disappearing into the underground city by choice because of his injuries. "before I left, though, I was informed that even with the success of my device in killing a titan, because of the unauthorized status of the expedition, the Scout Regiment was subsequently forced to halt all future expeditions."

"Wait but... The scouts are still going on expeditions all the time, right? What happened? Plus, you invented the current gear, right? So how did it go from only taking someone up and down to the complicated movements I see all the time?" I asked.

he smiled, and carved his name into the finished product (A trademark for all the things he makes) he had been working on, which I could now see was a knife "Ah, that story is much longer, and even more complicated. It'll have to wait for another time." I pouted and thought he couldn't see it, I think he knew what I was doing because he patted me on the head, and leaned down to me, handing me the blade "Here, it's yours."

My eyes widened as I gazed at the knife in my hand. It was a damn good one, something he could sell for a lot of money, and had sold to other people in the past. "I-I W-what?" I sputtered.

He sighed "It's your birthday next week, right? Well, think of it as an early present. It's better than that thing you've been keeping anyway."

I took the one in my belt out of its hold, and set it on the table, before sliding my new one in "It's a perfect fit.." I muttered to myself. This blade was truly the work of an Angel, and it was mine to keep. 


	4. What if we could Fly?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia is caught by the MPs during a heist, and makes a difficult, spur of the moment decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this Chapter: Murder, Foul Language/Cursing, Graphic depictions of Violence
> 
> This chapter is.. alot. But, she is an Ackerman after all, you should be expecting this.

I sat at a table in our house, staring at my reflection in my knife. It had been nearly a year (About 10-11 months to be exact) since Angel had given it to me, and I had only needed to sharpen it once so far (Angel helped me out during one of my regular visits). It wasn't like I cut through anything tough very often, only one or two slashes to throw someone off guard now and then. I wasn't a murderer, and I didn't want to go around stabbing people for the thrill of it, so my knife was merely for self-defense. I wasn't picking fights, just participating if the need arrived.

  
"Alicia?" I heard Farlan say from the other side of the room. I looked up to see him and Levi standing by the door, about to head out. "You coming or what?"

  
I grinned, and put my knife back in its place "Yup!" and then I was out the door with them.

  
~~

  
I struggled as the MP finished binding up my wrists, and shoving me into a corner of the room, before turning back to her two colleagues. "At least we caught one of them, though it's not going to impress anyone that we caught this one. She looks like a toddler."

  
"Yeah," the other agreed "But can we throw her in a cell? I mean, do you know how much that would damage the public's opinion of the Military Police if they found out we locked up a little kid?"

  
"Well, we can't exactly let her go" the third chimed in.

  
The first one nodded "You're right.. so what do we do with her?" Their voices faded to background noise as I felt my heart pound rapidly in my chest. I slowly slid my knife out of my belt. The MPs had assumed I wasn't carrying a weapon and overlooked any sort of inspection where they would immediately see that I had a knife on me.

  
I slowly turned, my back almost entirely facing the debating soldiers as I slid my knife slowly over the rope tying my wrists together. I tried to listen to their conversation as best I could so they wouldn't catch me off guard, but it was difficult as I also had to pay close attention to the knife currently cutting me free, so I didn't cut myself by accident.

  
All the while, I was also debating what in hell's name I would even do once I was free. They had guns, and I only had a knife. Besides, they completely outclassed me in size, experience, numbers.. and even if I knew what I had to do to them, would I be able to hurt them so severely they couldn't follow me? I had never done that before. "So it's decided, then?" I heard one of them say suddenly "We take her to a quiet place and stick a bullet in her head?" there were murmurs of agreement from the other two, I heard footsteps quickly approaching me and I knew I didn't have much time so I went faster, cutting myself in the process.

  
Here I was bleeding, almost free, but moments away from being caught, bound again, my knife removed, and killed. My heart was practically beating out of my chest, I had no idea what to do. But then, as the MP took their last step to me, and knelt, just as I cut myself free... It was like this spark in my brain.

  
No, a spark isn't right. More like a lightning bolt. I was suddenly filled with a rush of strength, a drive I had never felt before. The MP reached out and turned me around and at that moment I acted without thinking; my knife in his neck before I even knew what was happening, and then while he fell to the floor choking on his blood I lunged behind the other two MPs, kicking the one in the crotch to bring him to his knees, and stabbing him in the back of his head. Almost immediately, he dropped to the floor dead as a doornail as the 3rd MP came to his senses.

  
He started shooting at me, but I was fast, the bullets missing me by mere centimeters, but I still couldn't get close enough, so I did the only thing I could think of and I chucked my knife at him, hoping that it would hit a moving target, while I was moving.

  
Suddenly, the shooting stopped. I spared a glance at the man I had thrown my knife at. He was slumped back against the wall, eyes open and mouth slack-jawed and to finish off the piece, there sat my knife embedded in his forehead. 

  
I think I was in shock. I'm not sure though, because I haven't felt quite that way since, and I can't even describe it past the fact that I felt empty. I think it might have been a worthy last-ditch effort way of my brain trying to preserve my psyche. I didn't cry or throw up, or anything else that a normal person might have done, but instead I immediately searched the room for anything of value.

  
That's when I spotted it. A large, wooden, crate filled with 4 complex-looking devices. I used a thousand different back alleys while attempting to lug the box back home without raising suspicion. It was hard work, too. In the cadets, they have to train you to be able to carry the weight of the gear, and at 5 (almost 6) years old, it took me almost an hour to drag 4 of them over half a mile. 

  
When I slammed the door to our house open, Levi and Farlan were standing in the middle of the room, their heads shot to the door at its opening. When he saw me, Levi immediately rushed forward and wrapped his arms around me. That's how I knew how worried he was. Sure, we loved each other. We were siblings, after all, and closer than most considering the conditions we had grown up in, but we weren't big on public displays of affection, and even though it was just Farlan, it still had me in slight shock as I slowly wrapped my arms around him back, and he picked me up.

  
"God, Alicia, where have you been?" Farlan asked, breaking the silence.

  
"The Military Police caught me," I said, voice calm.

  
"What?!" Farlan asked, and Levi pulled back, staring at me in shock.

"Alicia what.. what do you mean the Military Police caught you?" Levi asked, putting me down on the couch. 

  
"I couldn't get away, and they caught me. They were sloppy. They tied my wrists together but didn't bother checking me for any weapons. I used my knife to cut free."

  
"Holy shit wait, are you bleeding?" Farlan asked worry etched in his voice.

  
I smiled "No need to worry, I just grazed my hand while cutting the rope that bound my hands" I held up my palm, where the thin cut had already scabbed over "See? Nothing to worry about."

  
The two boys glanced at each other, then Levi knelt and put a hand on my shoulder "Your shoes are stained red, and your shirt has blood splatter."  
Farlan sat next to me on the couch "did you get in a fight?"

  
I nodded, grimly and said "Of course I got in a fight. The Military Police weren't just going to let me go, especially lugging what I stole on my way out. I-I'm not sure what happened but... I felt so strong after they said they were going to kill me... I can't explain it. I stained my hands with their blood so they couldn't stain their hands with mine. It's simple as that."

  
Farlan almost spoke up again, put Levi put a hand up, and shook his head. So, he moved on to asking "What exactly did you steal?"

  
I stood up, and walked over to the spot where I had put the box just inside the door, and pulled a set of 3D Maneuvering gear out of it, before turning to my brother and friend. "I stole what gave them the advantage. I stole the reason they caught me, and the reason they almost catch you two sometimes." I held up the large metal device in my hand "What if we could fly?"


	5. Alcohol and Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They learn to fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like a picture of Angel's house and the surrounding area/"Caves" as it is referred to, you'll find some good shots in the 39th chapter of before the fall, which you can find here: https://ww7.readsnk.com/chapter/shingeki-no-kyojin-before-the-fall-chapter-039/ 
> 
> Warnings: Alcohol Consumption, Mentions of death/murder

Learning to fly was, as expected, really fucking hard. We understood that the weight of the gear would be a big factor in our ability to move freely, and as far as we were considered, this was a problem. We were strong, sure, but we weren't used to carrying so much weight with us. So, to combat this, we decided to wear the gear as much as possible. If we were inside the house, we were always wearing the gear, simple as that. We hadn't even attempted to use it yet.

  
When I went to visit Angel again, I decided to tell him about the gear and our plan to learn how to use it. I walked up to the door, and knocked "Angel? you there?"

  
I heard a sigh and then I heard him say "Come in, as long as you don't mind me drinking while you're here."

  
I pushed the door open and stepped inside, closing it behind me "I don't mind" I said, taking in the house. Angel was sitting at the table in the corner of the room, holding a bottle of some type of alcohol (Honestly, I'm not sure Angel even knew what it was).

  
He smiled and took a swig of whatever was in the bottle "Thanks, kid. Now, where were we when we left off? I told you about Sharle's talk with the MP captain Gloria Bernhart, right?"

  
"Um, yeah, you did. But um, can the story wait? I have some things I want to talk about." I sat down in the chair across the table from him. "You're going to want to hold on to that drink." Though I knew he couldn't actually even see more than my outline and basic shape, I felt like he was trying to read me, to see down deep into my very soul.

  
"Alright then." he said after a few moments "What's been going on with you?"

  
"I um... We have some new equipment that could be a game-changer for the way we operate. A way to pull heists with even less risk for us, or the people working with us." I said, looking down at my hands and picking at a nail.

  
"I would say that sounds great, but from the way you're talking about it, it's like your brother just died" I was only silent for a moment, but that was apparently enough to cause concern. His eyes widened and he straightened up a bit "Wait.. did Levi actually..?"

  
I shook my head "No, no! He's alright back home, and so is Farlan, it's just..." I took a deep breath, and let it out "I got my hands dirtied. I was caught by three MPs, and they were talking about killing me to cover up the fact they arrested a child, I... I saw no other way out. They all had guns, and I knew they would shoot to kill, so I needed to do it first." I looked up at him, tears pricking my eyes "Angel, I killed people."

  
I stared at his face in the silence for so long, I felt like I might burst. I had always been terrible at reading Angel, but I would kill to have known exactly what was going through his head right now. Wait, no... wrong analogy. 

  
"Well," he sighed, and took a large gulp from the bottle in his hand "that is what I gave you the knife for, right? To defend yourself. That's what you did." He picked up the knife and stood up "Here, I'll sharpen this up again for you. Now, what's this 'game-changing equipment' you were talking about?" I stared in silence for a few minutes, before he took another gulp and said "Well? I haven't got all day here, kid."

  
"O-Oh, right." I stuttered "Well it's uh, It'll make moving around easier.. ya know once we learn how to properly use it, stay balanced, not slam into walls, that kind of crap.." I had been filled with a heap of confidence in telling Angel about our obtained gear when I was planning it out in my head, but as soon as I actually had to tell him about it, I suddenly felt so shy and helpless. 

  
He turned to look at me, slowly "Alicia. Does this supposed game-changing gear have a name?"

  
I gulped "Um, well... It didn't really have one for a while, but lately, I've heard people calling it... ODM gear. But i-it's also been known as 3D maneuvering gear, and.."

  
"The Device. Damn... How many do you have?" he questioned, walking over and setting my newly sharpened knife down on the table between us "At least three, I presume? How much have you learned about using it?"

  
I nodded uselessly "We have four sets of ODM gear. At the moment, we're just working on adjusting to the weight before we actually start learning to use it. Plus, we have no idea where we could even go where we could learn without drawing attention."

  
"That's good. The weight can seriously throw someone off balance if they aren't used to it. Hm... " the long-haired gray-blonde thought for a moment "You could use the open space around my home in the caves of the underground. Don't worry about the people in the houses nearby, they all owe me countless favors, and they're mostly small families who don't want any trouble. If I tell them to ignore you three, they'll ignore you. While I can't teach you much of anything, I can tell you about how the mechanisms work, and I do remember one training exercise used to test the balance required for the gear."

  
I eyed him warily. Angel and I were friends, sure, but most things in the underground didn't come free "And? What do you want in exchange?"

  
"Hm, in exchange? Well, now that you mention it.. 3 bottles of whatever alcohol you can get your hands on. One for each of you. I'm not picky about what kind, long as it gets the job done."

  
I grinned "I think we have a deal!"

  
The next day, I was leading the way to Angel's house, Levi and Farlan in tow. We all had a bag on our backs, each with a set of ODM gear tucked away safely inside, and I had an extra bag filled with three bottles of (You guessed it!) alcohol. It almost made me laugh how compliantly Levi and Farlan followed behind me, especially since they knew little about the situation.

  
When I mentioned Angel's offer to them after I got home the day before, they had pressed for details about how Angel knew so much about ODM gear (I never really told them about what we talked about while I was at Angel's, but I explained everything to the bare minimum for them) and Farlan laughed when he heard what Angel wanted in return. One of the things I most liked about Farlan was and always will be his ability to find humor in almost any situation. 

  
When we reached the area with Angel's house, I ran ahead, and knocked on the door of the small shack "Angel? You home?"

  
There were some shuffling, footsteps, and eventually, the door opened, revealing the older man standing with his cane in hand "Hello, Alicia." he said with a small smile, then looked behind me at the two boys who had kept their distance, "Levi, Nice to see you again I suppose, oh and you must be Farlan Church. I'm Angel Aaltonen."   
I held up the bag in my right hand "I brought the shit, hope you like what I got, Need me to put it inside?"

  
"No need, the table's right here." He took the bag and set it down just inside the door, before stepping out and closing the door behind him. He started walking deeper into the proclaimed 'caves of the underground ward', and I immediately followed. "This way boys," he said referring to Levi and Farlan "Try to keep up."

  
Although Farlan was slightly appalled by my blind trust in Angel, I shot back that I had known Angel longer than Farlan, and "Angel should be shocked by my trust in you, Farlan. Hell, he actually was concerned back when we first moved into the house." and Farlan decided it was best to just accept it. 

  
Angel stopped about 30 meters from his house and turned to face us. "You three know how to work the triggers?"

  
"I think we can figure it out," Levi said.

  
He smiled lightly, "Alright then, lodge the anchors in the ceiling, about 5 meters apart." Levi walked up to the wall of the cave, turned around, and looked up. He aimed and fired, the ends of the ropes lodging in the ceiling. "Alicia, how's it look? Are they five meters?"

  
I squinted at the distance and walked so I was standing right beside my brother, gazing up. "Yup!" I smiled "Looks almost perfect."

  
"What now?" Levi asked, looking at Angel pointedly. 

  
"hold down the triggers for about one and a half seconds, so you're about 2 feet off the ground, then let go, and hang there. All three of you repeat this process until you can stay upright without a struggle," he responded.

  
"What?" Farlan asked, "What happens if we fall?"

  
Angel grinned "You get up and do it all over again."


	6. Hygiene is Important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A young girl comes crashing into Farlan, Levi, and Alicia's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we continue, I realised i haven't given a proper description of Alicia, and since it's first person, I probably won't be able to. The Alicia in her teenage years has black hair down to her back, and dark gray eyes like Levi's. To be honest, if you google 'levi ackerman genderbent' and go to images, the second one is what I had in mind. Now, back to your not-at-all regularly scheduled chapter. 
> 
> Warnings: Implied/Referenced Intentions of Sexual Assault, Minor Non-Graphic Depictions of Violence, Foul Language/Cursing

Four months after we had started learning to use the ODM gear, I was sitting at the table in our house, Farlan was sitting to my left, counting cash, and Levi on my right, cleaning his knife. Four other people we worked with sat on the couches a few feet away, waiting. "Hm." Farlan nodded, finishing with the separation of the cash on the table. He stood up, a wad in hand, and walked over to the couches "Here, sorry for the wait." He stepped forward, separating the wad into smaller portions, and handing them out "Payment for both last and this time." Farlan continued down the line until he reached Jan. "Here you go."

  
"Ah, thank yo-" Jan said, looking at the money in his hand with slightly wide eyes. Levi and I exchanged a glance.

  
"You guys better not spend too much even if it's a mistake. We're being observed." Farlan said with a smile.

  
The three guys on the longer couch stood up, "We already know." "Let's go, guys!" "Yeah!" Jan slowly stood up and followed them out the door.

  
Farlan turned to us after the other guys had left "Jobs have been easier since we got our hands on the ODM gear." He turned to smile at me "Everyone's share has increased too."

  
Levi examined the blade in his hand with a monotone expression "It seems one has increased more than the others." Farlan shifted his gaze to Levi "What's the reason?"

  
I picked at my fingers, and Farlan tilted his head to the ground "His... Jan's leg has gotten worse again... you've noticed, right? Medicine is really expensive."  
I hummed "The price increased recently as well."

  
Farlan nodded sadly, "Seriously... Those damn underground merchants." he turned back to us again "Have you heard? The Stairway Toll also went up."

  
I sighed, laying my head down on the table in an attempt to stop myself from crying, while Levi simply nodded "Yeah..."

  
"With that, it's even less likely for the poor to ever see sunlight. We have to buy our way up no matter where we go, they increase the price however they want, then even if you manage to pay and get outside, without proper citizenship you can't stay long. You'll be sent back immediately. Apparently, the lack of sunlight causes people's legs to go bad." he sighed, and sat down on the couch. "It's not like knowing it will change anything though..."

  
"It's a shit system," I said without thinking. "The rich get richer, and the poor stay poor."

  
We were silent for a moment before my brother said "Your Mother's was the same, wasn't it?" Me and Farlan both perked up our heads "So... that's why. Even so, it still looks like a large sum."

"It's compensation." The blonde said, and Levi looked up at him "It... might already be too late. At the very least, I hope he finds a good hospital." he looked at the money left over for us in his hand "How much more do we need... to be able to live up there?"

  
It was quiet for about two seconds before there was a bang on the door, and the three of us stood up simultaneously. My brother started walking towards it, and as he got halfway across the room, there was another bang. We all exchanged looks, and I quickly walked over to stand next to Levi, as Farlan walked to the door, his back pressed to the wall next to it. We all had knives drawn as Levi nodded, and Farlan slammed the door open. As soon as the door opened, a girl with dark red hair fell inside with a yell.  
"What?" Farlan asked, "It's just a kid."

  
I shot him a look "What, now you've got something against kids?"

  
The blonde rolled his eyes at me "you know what I meant. That surprised me."

  
"Not... a kid..." the girl grunted, "I'm not... a kid!!"

  
I let out an exasperated sigh, and Levi asked "Is that so? I won't feel bad for kicking you out then. I'll let the fact that you dirtied the floor slide. Get out, now."

  
"Ah, you should feel really lucky," I said, smirking lightly.

  
But, she still didn't move "What? You can't even move?" Farlan asked.

The girl shouted "Of course I can!" in response, and shuffled a bit "Don't look down on me!" she put her hand on the ground, and pushed up, giving me a small glance of something clutched in her palm.

  
"What a strong-willed kid." Farlan said, sarcasm grasping in his tone.

"Over here!" A voice shouted from outside, and the girl tensed. Still determined to try and stand up, she pushed off, but fell down again, this time sitting with her back on the still-open door.

  
"What the hell..." I asked, slightly annoyed "You were being chased?"

  
Farlan looked from the girl to Levi "What should we do?" by the time we saw them come around the corner, Levi and I were on the left side of the doorway, with Farlan on the right.

"Shit! That brat... she really bit me." I heard one of them say, which caused the corners of my mouth to tug up ever so slightly before I heard "When she's caught, I'll be the first to have fun with her!"

  
Just hearing it made me want to throw up in my mouth a little. "There's no fun or anything on a brat like that." one of the other men replied.

  
They laughed, before the first man saw us up in the doorway, and yelled out "Hey, there's a dirty little kid over here, right?!"

  
"Those are the only kinds around," Farlan yelled back, which I punched him lightly for.

  
"Huh...?" the guy walked towards the stairs "You guys are the thugs in this area?"

  
"Which of us are?" Farlan muttered with a smirk.

  
The large bearded man finished walking up the first small flight of stairs and was able to get a good, clear, look at the doorway for the first time. His pissed expression turned to slight surprise when he saw the girl sitting on the ground "Hey... I've found her!" he called to the other men.

  
"I thought as much. Are you guys friends?" one of the others asked.

"Not at all," Levi responded.

  
"Then hand her over to us."

  
"You'll be sorry if you cover for her. After all, she tried to get past the 11th stairway without paying!" the man closest to the bottom shouted, which caused the three of us to each let out a small gasp. "You guys should know this, the 11th stairway is under the jurisdiction of one of the nobles, Lobov. Anyone who tries to pass there without paying is prosecuted."

  
"Of course, you guys will be charged too for being her accomplice." one of the others chimed in. The girl tensed, and let out a small gasp. We all stayed quiet, not moving a muscle. 

  
"If you guys get it, hurry up and hand her over!" the man in the middle shouted. 

  
"I don't care anymore. Move away from her!" the large man closest to us shouted, and started up the stairs towards us. All the while, we still didn't move a muscle. The man reached the top of the stairs, and laughed, placing his hand on Levi's shoulder. 

  
Quick as lightning, Levi slashed his knife across the man's arm and hand that had been on his shoulder, blood staining his newly cleaned knife. The man gasped and stepped back, clutching his wounded hand. Levi walked up and kicked him twice, until he was on the floor, then pulled him up by his collar "Don't touch me with your filthy hand. I might get dirty." He then kicked the man to the bottom of the stairs, where the other two caught him.

  
"Oh my..." Farlan and I stepped forward as Levi started cleaning his knife again "You can't do it like that. We always prioritize hygiene." 

  
"That's right!" I smiled "Excuse my brother, but we just don't know where you've been." I crossed my arms and fake shuddered. 

  
"Wash your hand and come again." Farlan said in a cheery tone. 

  
"These guys are dangerous. Let's go!" one of the non-injured men said before they lugged their crippled companion away. 

  
"Hey, how long are you going to hold it to your stomach?" Levi asked, and we turned to look back at the girl. She gasped lightly, and Levi continued "It'll die, you know." 

  
"B-But..." she stuttered, "I thought It'd be warm." She started unwrapping the cloth, and I gasped at the small bird in her hand. 

"What's with the bird?" Farlan asked.

  
The girl smiled "It got lost on its way here. Probably through some duct. So I thought I'll bring it to the surface."

  
Farlan widened his eyes in shock "Don't tell me you tried to break through the Stairway just for that?"

  
She smiled and started stroking the bird's head "This guy would want to fly in the sky instead of being here underground.

  
I sighed "Don't we all?" and knelt down next to her "That's all fine and dandy, but its wing is injured."

  
"Eh...?" she looked from me to the bird "Really?"

A few minutes later Farlan was finishing wrapping up the bird's wings. I was sitting next to him on the large couch, with the red-haired girl on the one-seat chair. "You're really good, you know." she said, grinning "That's right, what's your name? I'm Isabel."

  
The blonde next to me smiled "I'm Farlan"

  
"I'm Alicia!" I grinned, pointing to the black-haired male by the other table "And that's my brother Levi." causing the boy in question to turn his head towards us.   
"Farlan, Alicia, and Levi," Isabel said, still smiling. "Listen! Please... let me become one of you!" 

  
"Eh?"

  
"You guys have been using ODM gear, right?" she asked "I've seen it before. I felt really envious. You guys fly around like birds. Please, I want to try it too!"

  
Farlan and I looked at Levi "What do you think?" 

  
Levi stood up, and started walking towards the door "Please!" Isabel pleaded, and Levi stopped.

  
He turned to look at her "If you stay here, learn how to clean before you learn to use ODM gear." then he continued to the door, and out the house. 

  
"Eh?" Isabel looked surprised and turned to face where Levi had been standing "Huh?" she turned towards me and Farlan. I grinned, and Farlan nodded. Isabel's face morphed from surprised to ecstatic, and she yelled "Thank you!" 


	7. Teaching to Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 years pass as Isabel learns how to use the ODM gear, Alicia finishes hearing Angel's story, and the four of them get hired for a job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to you, we will reach the main series soon. We're so close, I can practically taste it, alright? I'd estimate... 3 more chapters after this one, then I'm writing about "That Day". 
> 
> Warnings: Alcohol Consumption, Foul Language/Cursing, Before the Fall Spoilers (But I mean, you were warned there'd be spoilers.)

"Alicia, I want you to go now and explain to Angel what's going on," Levi said, handing me a bottle of alcohol.

I smiled "Will do, thanks for remembering to get the payment."

"Wait, where are you going? I thought you were going to be there to help with my first ODM gear practice?" Isabel asked from the couch.

"Oh, right! You don't know yet!" I exclaimed "We go to practice in an area of the underground district called "The Caves", ever heard of it?"

"Um, kinda..? But I've heard there's nothing over there, no lights or anything..." Isabel grumbled.

Farlan snorted "You would think so, but just inside there's a workshop owned by this grumpy, crippled, old man who Alicia somehow befriended."

"Oh, Shut it asshole!" I snapped "Angel's a good person, you know how much he's done for the families in the streets near his house. AND, you should be grateful he gives us a place to learn to use the ODM gear without people asking too many questions. Hell, I hope you haven't forgotten that he injured himself like that while fighting a TITAN, using the original ODM gear, which he INVENTED."

"A story that is still up for debate." Levi chimed in from where he had sat at the table.

I groaned and stuffed the alcohol into a bag with my ODM gear, and slung it over my shoulders "You two" I said, pointing at the boys "are INSUFFERABLE."

"Ooh look at you using big girl words" I heard Farlan say as I headed out and closed the door behind me. 

I sighed, and pulled myself up onto the roof of our house, before starting my usual sprint across the rooftops of the underground. I had to take a slightly longer route than necessary thanks to the weight of my bag, but that didn't stop my speed as I raced to my friend's house. When I reached the door of the small wooden workshop, I knocked three times and asked "Anybody home?"

There was a grunt and I heard Angel say "Come in!"

I swung the door open, stepped inside, and closed it behind me "Boy oh boy have I got a shit ton to tell you today."

"Oh?" Angel asked, "Like what?"

I almost immediately launched into an explanation about Isabel, and how a little less than a week ago she had banged on our door while being chased, all because she tried to sneak up to the surface to let an injured bird fly free. Then, once we had chased off the men following her, she asked to join us and learn to use the ODM gear.

"Ah," said Angel "I almost forgot about the fourth set of ODM gear you stole... Well, I suppose she'll be coming down here to practice as well?"

I nodded, and reached into my bag, pulling out the bottle "And here is your bribe."

He laughed "Well if that's how you see it." he unscrewed the top and took a swig. "You know, we've got a while before the others arrive, how'd you like me to continue with the story?"

I grinned "Sounds great." 

"Okay, where'd I leave off... Hmm, I guess it was around when Sharle and I said goodbye to Klarissa and Leo?" I nodded in response, and he exhaled "Well, from here on out everything's gonna get more detailed since I was there to see it myself. Now, I'll bet you were wondering what Kuklo was up to?" my eyes widened and I nodded excitedly. Angel proceeded to tell me about Kuklo being rescued by Rosa Carlstead and her friends, how they were almost caught by the Industrial City Military Police, and how when Jorge Pikale showed up, Kuklo flew into the trees using the ODM gear while Jorge created a distraction. 

By the time the other showed up, Angel was telling me about the first month of training the original ODM gear users had to endure. I remember cringing and saying "Ugh, that sounds awful! And they didn't even know what they were training for! Glad we didn't have to go through all that mess..."

After we introduced Isabel and Angel, the five of us headed off to the spot in the caves where we had been training. The other three pulled off the cloaks they had been wearing to conceal their ODM gear, while I attached mine. "Now what?" Isabel asked.

Farlan grinned "Now here comes the fun part!"

I groaned "Please don't tease her, you masochist." 

"Again with you and your big girl words! What, you got a list you need to finish before the end of the day?" he teased.

I shook my head and was about to snap back at him when Levi interrupted "Stop fooling around. Alicia, show her how it's done." 

I sighed and walked to the wall, before turning my back on it. "Here, watch closely." I grabbed the triggers and pointed them at the ceiling "First you latch the anchors to the ceiling, 5 meters apart." I squeezed, and the lines shot out, hitting the ceiling at exactly five meters apart. "Then, you let go of the triggers, but one for a second or two. Enough to get you a foot or two off the ground." I let go, and squeezed again almost as quickly, and balanced perfectly, floating from the strings with ease.

"The way I've shown them to complete this part of the training is a lot more difficult than how the cadets on the surface learn. You have to focus on not only staying balanced but hanging onto the triggers so you don't go flying or falling. But, it's the best you can do." Angel said from the rock he had sat down on. 

"That's fine!" Isabel grinned "It looks easy enough! I mean, a child can do it, so it should be no problem for me!"

"Isabel, don't say that." I released the lines and fell to the ground on my feet.

She tilted her head and asked "What? why?"

"Just-... You know what? nevermind. You'll see." I sighed.

"Okay!" she grinned, walking to the wall "Here I go."

Isabel fell five times before she managed to balance correctly. But, like the rest of us, she got there eventually, and when she did... oh boy could she fly. 

We released the bird again through a hole to the surface we found deep in the caves, about a month later. It was just after Isabel mastered the ODM gear and properly took flight for the first time. Just like me, she treated the whole experience like she was soaring high in the sky, instead of meters underground. I've never seen anyone as happy as she was when we watched the bird fly up and to the surface. 

6 months after I met Isabel, when I was officially Seven years old, during my weekly trip to Angel's, was when I finally heard the end of the story. "And so, having defeated four titans on their expedition, two of which were in eyesight of Xavi, the scouts returned to Shiganshina with their ranks mostly intact. Not long after they returned, I came back down here, and I eventually received this letter." He reached over to the table, where he picked up a worn piece of paper and handed it to me.

It was written in handwriting a lot more delicate than my own, I figured likely from someone on the surface. I started reading out loud "I hope this letter finds you well. This is Sharle writing to you. Since the day of the victory parade celebrating the Survey Corps' successful return and you departed for the underground ward without waiting for the party that night, nearly two months have passed. Felix got his surgery in time, and his life was saved. He was surprisingly unaffected by the loss of his leg after he came to. If anything, he was more proud that he kept Rosa from being hurt. He wants to take on an Internal or Instructor role when he recovers. 

You might not be aware of this, because not much news from the surface trickles down Underground... but after you left Shiganshina, things were very dicey for the corps. Captain Carlo has been promoted to an official 'Commander' and the Survey Corps has been given the proper standing it deserves. But for a time, the ongoing existence of the corps was in question because of the.. the death of Captain Gloria Bernhart of the MP brigade?" I looked up at him "What?!"

He nodded grimly "Keep reading"

"Then a letter from Gloria arrived at the Inocencio mansion in the capital, addressed to my brother Xavi. It contained vivid details of the misdeeds and illegal sabotage performed by her uncle, Vice Commander Bernhart. It also contained instructions for Xavi to carry out. Xavi got in touch with reformist politicians and collected copious evidence before leveling charges against the Vice Commander. Mr. Bernhart was immediately stripped of his rank and apprehended. Those Nobles and Politicians who took part in his illegal conduct and sabotage were soon arrested as well. It caused quite a stir in the Capital. 

"During the investigation, the assassination of.. his own niece?" I shook my head "For fucks sake, this shithead.." then continued reading "was revealed, which caused much consternation. Apparently, Gloria was a foster daughter of Bernhart's brother and had no blood relation to him. She arranged for the letter to be sent to Xavi if anything unfortunate happened to her, which suggests she had an idea this might come about. She chose my brother, despite knowing him for less than a year. I suppose it's a sign of how trustworthy she judged him to be. 

"Thinking back on it, she was very good to me. I think she was, at heart, a good person. Now I wish I had spent more time speaking with her. When Bernhart's faction was fully purged, the standing of the Survey Corps changed dramatically. Just when their success might have been crushed and covered up, the defeat of four titans on the expedition, including a ten-meter specimen, certified the value of your vertical maneuvering equipment for good. 

The world can be changed by human effort. We will change it. And people can change, too. I've felt that many times since I first met Kuklo. The things I've learned from you and Foreman Xenophon showed me that I was more than a songbird in a cage. I found things that I could do. That Expedition changed Xavi, too. He was trying to kill Kuklo. I don't know why he changed his mind. But when I saw him off to the royal capital, his face was gentle. It was as if something that had been possessing him was finally lifted from his spirit.

"When your vertical maneuvering equipment takes the outside world back from the titans, the world will change even more. If that happens, and the underground ward is opened up, will I be able to see you, and Klarissa, and Leo again? I believe that Kuklo, Rosa, and the others will help bring that day to us. I will write to you again before long. Goodbye, and be well." I hummed, and flipped to the last sheet "P.S. I'll be marrying Kuklo next month..." I set down the papers on the table in front of me and stared in shock for a moment "Whow.."

Angel nodded "Whow, indeed. I still receive letters from Sharle now and then. Sometimes I even manage to write back. She and Kuklo are living in the Industrial city nowadays. He retired from the Survey Corps, and she's continuing her work as a craftsman. I've written about you, you know."

I perked up "Really? What did you say?" I asked excitedly.

"Ah, just that this annoying little brat has been coming into my workshop for years, distracting me from my work," he said, and I pouted. He laughed and ruffled my hair "Relax, Alicia, I'm just teasing. I told them you were an incredible young girl, who had the same unique set of reflexes and skills as Kuklo. Of course, I couldn't tell them directly that you are learning to use ODM gear because all letters sent into that city are monitored, but I implied it." 

I smiled "Thank you for saying that. It's nice of you." my smile broke into a grin "I hope you know that just because you finished telling the story, doesn't mean I'll stop coming around."

The blonde chuckled "I hoped as much."

I was eight when we got the job that changed my life. The four of us were walking back up to our house when we spotted the well dressed old man at the foot of the stairs leading to our door. He saw us and snapped his pocket watch closed as we all stopped. "What's the deal, old man?" Isabel asked. "You want something?"

"I've come for a job request," he responded.

I snorted in amusement, and Farlan asked "Didn't you get the wrong house? This is not a handyman shop." 

"I promise you a reward-"

"Go Home!" Levi shouted. He continued walking, and the rest of us followed. 

"I've already paid the deposit though." He said, not turning to look at us.

We all stopped in the middle of the stairs "You're kidding, right? This is the first time we've met." I snapped.

"That's true. But you should already know... about him." he turned to look at something behind him, and we all followed his gaze. There was a carriage, and I watched as a man helped Jan up into it. 

"Jan!" Farlan exclaimed. 

"His leg is already at its limit. He needs to get treatment in a hospital on the surface... Isn't that right, Levi?" He still wasn't looking at us.

"What's the meaning of this?!" Asked Farlan. 

"I told you, didn't I? It's a deposit for the job. You'll listen to the details now, right?"

Levi suddenly spoke up "Fine, then." and that was that. 

We followed him through the underground, and up the Lobov staircase, the same one Isabel had tried to sneak up almost 2 years earlier. God, had it already been that long? When we got in eyeshot of the surface, there was a carriage and a man's voice said "Are these the guys?"

"Yes, I've heard they're excellent." the man from before responded.

"Who the hell are you?" Levi asked. 

"It's understandable that you're wary of me. But you'll learn it's okay to trust me."

Farlan laughed "How could we?"

"The fact that I'm here says everything. I'm at great risk just by being here... Have you received the deposit already?" 

"I don't know how things work on top, but in our world, it's called taking a hostage" Levi snapped.

"That's just a contingency plan we laid in place. When you have successfully completed the job, you won't be only getting a huge sum of money... but also, citizenship on the surface."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to leave Kudos if you enjoyed this chapter!


	8. Too Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They join the Scout Regiment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Foul Language/Cursing

The Underground District is located under the safest land, which is being protected by the three outside Walls. An abandoned underground. Leftover from the sealed Immigration Plan. In this land cast aside from the light, It's not uncommon for those who are born and raised here... to rot away without even seeing the surface once.

  
This did not happen to Me.

  
The day after we received the job, I went to talk to Angel for the last time. I arrived, and things went as usual. I talked about progress with the ODM gear, some weird thing me and Isabel talked about the other day, and even just what I ate that morning. Angel smiled and gave his input where he felt necessary, saying things like "Sounds delicious" and "How the hell did you come up with that?".

  
It was nice until I finally brought up the job. "I-I can't tell you exactly what it is.." I stuttered "But... I'm not sure when I might see you again, and I just wanted to tell you what was going on before it happened. He's giving us citizenship on the surface, and I wanted to tell you before I couldn't anymore."

  
Angel was silent for a moment "And you're sure you can trust Lobov?"

  
"Not one goddamn bit."

  
Angel chuckled "Sounds about right." he reached over, and wrapped his arms around me "Stay safe, Alicia. Be sure that if you ever find yourself in the underground again, you'll pay me a visit, alright?"

  
I nodded "I'll make sure of it."

  
He smiled, and let me go "You better get going now. Those three will worry about you."

  
I smiled back "Goodbye, Angel."

  
"Goodbye, Alicia."

  
That day, as I walked away from the caves of the underground, I promised myself I would see Angel again. No matter what happened, I wouldn't forget about him. I would eventually hold up to that promise, with some encouragement from my brother and a friend, but not for many years to come.

  
Later that same day I stood in our house, strapping on my gear and testing the triggers to make sure they weren't too stiff. Once we all had our gear on, Farlan turned and said "Levi, everything's ready." and we all started walking out the door and through the underground." We've got confirmation on Jan. He's in a first-rate hospital. The identity of that man is also confirmed. This job is the real thing! We gonna do it Levi?" he got close and asked nervously.

  
We swiftly turned a corner, and Levi said "Carry on as normal. But if, they appear just like he said they would..." he paused "We'll start the job."  
A few minutes later we were all running, and before I knew it we were flying and crashing into the stack of boxes that the merchants were tying together, causing everything to crash down as our men ran and grabbed some of the fallen goods. I could hear yelling behind us, but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying as I sped alongside my friends.

  
"Yahoo!" Isabel and I exclaimed as we flew through the streets. I couldn't help but feel that some of her personality had slowly rubbed off on me over the years. It felt.. nice. We all fell into formation next to each other so we could properly speak to and see everyone.

"Levi! They're here!" Farlan shouted. "The pursuers!"

  
"Heh. The Military Police again? Haven't learned their lesson, have they?" Isabel smirked. I frowned, as this was sort of out of character for her, but then she turned towards my brother and said "Hey, Levi! What I just said was a cool line, right?" and any concern I felt immediately left my mind. Same old Isabel.

  
"Are you an idiot?" Levi asked, causing Isabel to pout, and I giggled. We quickly moved through the streets in a maneuver we knew would throw off the Military Police, which it did. But just as soon as they fell to the ground, a new group in dark green capes took their place. As they were approaching, We all moved quickly in different directions. I hooked onto a nearby chimney and spun myself around until I was flying in the opposite direction, almost like a one-sided catapult. 

  
"These movements... They're not the Military Police!" Farlan exclaimed.

  
"I also noticed. They move more similar to how we do Like they're used to having to make quick decisions." I quipped in.

  
"Yeah..." Levi spoke "No Mistake. It's them. That wings of freedom crest... It's the Survey Corps!"

We all turned our bodies to look at them and Farlan spoke up "Heh. As people who battle the titans, they're as different as expected."

  
Levi glanced back at us "You guys... You know, right?" 

  
"of course."

  
"It's the job, right?"

  
"Sure do."

  
And as quickly as we had appeared, we all split up in different directions. I split off in the same direction as Isabel, then split again when the opportunity came. Only one scout followed me, and I figured I could use this as a chance to gauge their skill. So, I started doing what I did best. I ran across the roofs of three buildings, before launching myself in an entirely new direction, backtracking the way we came. I think they were expecting a direction change because they reacted fairly quickly, but I don't think they were expecting me to head back towards the others.

  
Our chase continued through alleyways and between buildings for a few minutes, before I caught my foot on a loose tile and tripped, knocking off my balance. I faked it of course, but I couldn't let the Scouts think we were just giving up. Besides, as soon as she saw me up close, she saw that I was a kid, and I'm sure she thought that made me clumsier or something. She grabbed my arms, which I put up a weak struggle to before giving up, and dragged me towards two other scouts who were holding Farlan and Isabel. 

  
"Let me go.. you bastard! Damn it all!" Isabel cried as we neared a small clear area where I saw Levi blade to blade with a tall blonde man.

  
"Levi!" Farlan shouted, and Isabel stopped her over-dramatic struggle. Levi took one look at us, and dropped his knife, letting it clatter on the ground. Levi and the blonde backed off from one another.

  
"you're quick at reading the situation." the man said, smiling, and Levi scowled.

  
Within a few minutes, we were all in a line on our knees, with handcuffs on our wrists. A scout patted me down and pulled my knife from my belt. I flinched for a moment and was about to protest, but I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere except being treated like a whiny toddler, so I stayed quiet. The man from before stood in front of us, while the rest surrounded the back and sided. "I'll ask a few questions," he said, and we were silent. "You guys are skilled with ODM gear. Who taught you all that?"

  
Not one of us moved a muscle. He walked up to my brother, and asked "You're their leader, right? Were you trained in the military?" Levi looked up, but still didn't say a word, so a scout from behind pulled his head back by the hair and shoved his face into the ground.

  
We all turned in shock "You-!!" Isabel exclaimed, before piping down again. 

  
"I'll ask one more time. Where did you learn to use ODM gear?" the blonde man asked, his face still stoic.

  
I grit my teeth before blurting out "Nowhere! We taught ourselves, you asshole!"

  
His eyes flicked to me "Self-taught, you say? I don't buy it."

  
I clenched my jaw again, but before I could say anything Farlan interrupted "It's just so we're able to rise even a bit in this dirty garbage place! People who're used to sunlight like you guys won't understand!" 

  
"That's enough! let Levi go!" Isabel shouted. "Don't be cocky just because you're soldiers!" 

  
No one moved for a moment, so I exclaimed "What, are you deaf or something?! She said to let him go!"

  
The blonde man looked up at the other scouts and nodded, before the one holding my brother down pulled him back up by his hair. He then knelt in front of my brother and said "My name is Erwin Smith. And yours is?" I almost reacted to his name. Almost. 

  
"Levi." 

  
"Levi..." Erwin trailed off "Why don't we make a deal?" 

  
"A deal?" Levi asked.

  
"I will let your crimes go unpunished, including the murder of those three MPs 2 years ago." Another almost reaction as he gazed across the four of us as if trying to guess who exactly did it. "In return, lend me your strength. Join the Survey Corps."

  
This caught us all by surprise. I'm not sure what we were expecting, but this was not it. "And if I refuse?"

  
"The Military police will have you." he started to stand up "Considering all of your crimes, you and your friends," he turned away from us and took a few steps back to where he was originally standing won't be treated very nicely." He turned back to face us again "Choose whichever you prefer." 

  
"Fine." Isabel gasped lightly, and I did so in my head. "I'll join the Survey Corps... On one more condition." 

  
Erwin shook his head "I think you're already getting enough."

  
"Yeah? well tough luck, because this isn't negotiable." He snapped, which caused Erwin to raise an eyebrow "The girl behind me, with the black hair. Her name is Alicia, and she's only Eight. I don't know much about how it works on the surface, but I don't think using a child as a tool for fighting the Titans would go over very well no matter where you are."

  
Erwin hummed "No, it wouldn't... Tell me, how did a child get involved with you three in the first place?"

  
"She's my younger sister."

Erwin nodded "Ah, I see... We'll work something out for her, but I give you my word; she will not be joining the Survey Corps with the rest of you."

Levi thought, before nodding "Then we have a deal."


	9. The Sky is Vast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have a disagreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Intended Assassination, Foul Language/Cursing

We were given no time to collect personal belongings, go back to the house, or talk to anyone at all. It made me glad I had told Angel about everything the day before and didn't have anything worth going back for. They still hadn't returned my knife, and rightfully so, but it made me anxious. The knife Angel made for me, along with Isabel, Farlan, and Levi were to be my only sense of normalcy on the surface, and I wanted to have as much normal as possible in this strange new world.

But, I endured. We were still handcuffed when we got to the surface and the wagons that transported us to a scout base. We were in the wagons for quite a few hours. The four of us had been separated so that it was me and Isabel on one wagon with two scouts, and Farlan and Levi on the other with the other two. I remember staying very close to Isabel, with our shoulders pressed against each other, and I remember staring up at the sky almost the entire time.

It was absolutely amazing. 

When we finally arrived I wasn't exactly sure where we were, since I had very small amounts of knowledge of the surface, but I later learned we were in southern Wall Rose, just outside Trost. I was taken to a room with a bed in the corner, a table, and a window, while Isabel, Farlan, and Levi were taken somewhere else. I was informed they were to be introduced to the rest of the scouts, and that the room I was in at the moment was one of several normally reserved for sick or injured people. But, there was no one in need of it at the time, and I was a kid, so they figured it might be best to give me my own room, just in case.

I knew I was a kid, but I don't think that anyone before that ever really treated me like that warranted any kind of special treatment. Kenny was barely around for enough time for me to notice things like that, but Angel, My brother, Farlan, and Isabel always treated me like I was older than I was. I'm still not sure which way I prefer. I was fed dinner in the room, and I went to sleep without having left the room since I entered. 

That night I dreamt of what Lobov had assigned us to do. His voice rang through my head  _ "The Survey corps will likely come after you. Be sure to put up a little resistance. There are two things I'll have you do for me... First, you'll obtain a document that is in possession of Erwin Smith. And second, to kill Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps" _

The next day, I was allowed outside. I was led outside by the girl who had caught me, and to what looked like a training/practicing grounds. Once there, I caught a glimpse of someone riding a horse and turned to look at them. It was Isabel! I looked at the girl who had led me outside, and she nodded, telling me I could go over if I wanted. I nearly ran towards her, and put my feet up on the fence "Alicia!" she grinned "Look at me! I'm a natural!"

I laughed and watched her ride around the paddock before I glanced at the girl who had been helping her. She was giving me a curious look, "I came in with the other three." I filled in for her. "but, Erwin decided I'm too young to fight titans."

The girl slowly nodded "And... you can use ODM gear as well?"

I nodded quickly "Yup!" 

"Wow... I don't think I've ever heard of a kid your age knowing how to use ODM gear. Guess that makes you special, huh?" She said smiling slightly at me.

I thought about this for a few moments. I had never thought of myself as special. What even makes a person special? Unique talents? Hard work? Appearances? Nonetheless, I smiled and said, "Yeah, I guess so." I looked around, before spotting Levi over by a patch of woods where they had a setup training course, readying his ODM gear. I ran over, and called out "Levi!"

He turned to look at me as I neared and nodded "Hey, Alicia. Glad to see you're not dead."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." I mumbled and punched his arm. Standing nearby were three scouts I didn't recognize, but they were all watching Levi. He pulled out one of the blades and held it like he would a knife.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The scout in front asked "Those blades weren't designed to be held like that. Do you want to die the moment you step outside those walls?"

Levi turned away and said "That might just happen to you." which surprised the three watching. 

"What did you just say?!"

I sighed "Don't show off and overdo it just because you have an audience, It'll make you sloppy."

Levi rolled his eyes and ruffled my hair which I didn't even bother fixing. "All I have to do is slice the Titan's neck, right?" he turned to look back at them "I'll do it my way" He continued walking off, and just like that he was in the air.

We watched him fly for a minute before another scout asked "Was he given any formal training?"

"Um no I don't bel-" one of her companions started to answer, but I cut him off.

"No. We were given absolutely no formal training, whatsoever."

I looked back at the scout that had asked, and they were smiling with their head in their hand "Good. Very good! Everything from the way we search for titans to the way we take them down is dependent upon individual methods." they yelped a little bit "This is starting to get interesting!"

Later that night, the four of us were gathered in a storage area. "We won't find it no matter how many times we look. It's probably best to assume it isn't in his room." Farlan declared. 

"Then where could it be?" Isabel asked.

"What do you do with something you want to keep safe?" Farlan countered.

Isabel grinned and patted her stomach "Inside my stomach band, of course." 

I giggled, and Farlan said "Now, I don't know if Erwin wears a stomach band, but it's highly likely he's carrying it with him. So I was thinking... we could use the expedition to our advantage." 

I tilted my head and leaned back further on the boxes behind me "What do you mean?"

"Outside the walls, Erwin and the others will be concentrated on the titans. We just have to wait for an opportunity."

"I see. Great Idea!" Isabel cheered.

"Mm.." I scrunched my brows "I was kinda hoping we could get out of here before you guys had to go on the expedition. But, I don't see any better options."

Farlan nodded and asked, "You okay with that, Levi?"

"Sure," he responded, almost immediately. "But I'll be going alone." he stood up and stood in front of us with his arms crossed.

"What?" we all asked, and I added, "Levi, that's not happening."

He brushed me off and shook his head "You two, just think up any excuse and stay behind."

"Levi.." Isabel muttered, before yelling "Why?!"

He tensed "We haven't even seen a real titan yet, and it'll be our first time outside the walls. It may take all we've got just to make it back alive." he unfolded his arms "But if I'm by myself, I'll manage somehow." 

"But-" Isabel started, before Farlan put his hand up, interrupting her. 

"So what you're saying is that we can't handle it, right?" he asked.

"That's right. At least, that's how I feel." Levi confirmed. 

Isabel stepped forward and yelled in his face "How can you say that? You won't know until we've at least tried!" 

I chimed in with "What's wrong, Levi? This isn't like you." 

He clenched his jaw "If you won't stay behind, then we're done talking! We'll wait for a different opportunity." then he walked away.

"Levi!" Farlan called after him, but it was no use.

"God..." I muttered "What has gotten into him? He's not usually like this. Levi hasn't even pulled this shit with ME since..." I trailed off for a moment "Well, since when I got us the ODM gear."

Farlan sighed and shook his head "I don't know."

We searched all over for him, and eventually found him sitting alone on the roof, staring at the clouded night sky. We approached from behind him, then stood in a line as Farlan got his attention "Levi. Let's talk about this. I can't agree with you going alone. That's still just as dangerous for you!"

"You said that when we first step outside, it'll be four of us all at once. Have you forgotten?" Isabel asked.

"I wish I was able to go along and help, but Isabel and Farlan CAN! Let them, Levi!" I pleaded. 

It was silent for a moment before Levi finally said "It's the same. When you can't see the moon or stars, the sky up here is just the same as the sky down there."

We all looked up to gaze at the clouded night sky. "the colour of the sky, sure." Isabel piped up "But... But it's different." Levi looked back at her, and she continued "We know that there's no ceiling! It's completely different!"

"That's right." Farlan added "The sky is endless. It may be just as dark, but it's far different from underground."

I nodded in agreement and pointed towards a spot where the clouds were parting "It's incredible."

"The moon is so bright!" Isabel exclaimed as everyone followed my gaze. "right?" Isabel and I sat on either side of my brother, with Farlan on my other side. "There's a difference, isn't there?"

"Yeah." Farlan replied "We're not underground" We all sat in silence for a while, watching as the clouds dispersed revealing the vast night sky and every star it held. I almost didn't hear when Farlan said "We'll never go back down there." 

"The four of us always pulled through, right?" I asked "It'll be the same when you three encounter titans. I feel it in my soul." 

Isabel nodded "Let's do this together."

"Levi, believe in us." Farlan pleaded.

It was silent for a while more, as the gears in Levi's brain turned before eventually a genuine smile broke across his face, and he said "Alright. I'll believe in you."

"Yay!" Isabel yelled, throwing her arms in the air.

"Geez, careful! You don't want to alert the whole base." I laughed. 

"Oh, hush!" She grinned "Levi sure is a stubborn one, ain't he?" 

We all laughed, and stared at the quickly clearing night sky together, enjoying one another's company. I watched a shooting star pass by, and I couldn't help but wish that once the expedition was over, and the job was done, that we could do this again every night for the rest of our lives. Not the arguing part, but just sitting in each other's company looking at the sky, something we had once never dreamed of seeing.

Wishes don't always come true.


	10. Flying Under Observation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the expedition days away, Alicia officially meets a scout named Zoe Hange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Slight Foul Language/Cursing (Hange is trying-)

It was a few days before the expedition when I was just sitting on top of the bed in my room contemplating... something- I don't know, maybe life itself -that I got a knock on my door. I stood up and walked across the room to open the door. Standing just outside was a scout with glasses and a dark reddish-brown ponytail. "um... Hello?" I asked, warily.

They grinned "Hello! Your name is Alicia, right? My name is Hange Zoe, we met a few days ago."

"Um, yeah.." I furrowed my brows for a moment before I remembered "Oh! You're the one who wanted to know if my brother had any formal training, right?"

"Oh, so he's your brother! Interesting... Anyway, yes, that's me!" they grinned "And, I come bearing gifts."

I tilted my head before stepping to the side to let them in "Um.. what kind of gifts?"

They smiled, stepping inside and closing the door behind them "Like... this!" Hange held out their hands, revealing an object I knew all too well.

"Oh my-.. how did you... I thought that.." I stuttered and I gingerly took the knife from their hands.

Hange smiled "Eh, they weren't planning on giving back any of the weapons you guys had on you when you came in, but... This one looked like it had sentimental value. Why does it say 'Angel' on the hilt? Is that your nickname?" they bent down next to where I had sat down on the bed.

"N-no." I stuttered "I-It's the name of my friend. He made the knife." I choked on my own breath "You have no idea how much this knife means to me I... thank you." I tucked it into the compartment on my belt and pulled my shirt over it like I had so many times before, but this fascinated the scout in front of me.

"Whow! Did you fashion that yourself?" They lifted my shirt out of the way so that the loop on the belt where the blade was held could be seen. 

I nodded "Yeah, figured I needed somewhere more convenient to keep it back when I was about four. Two experiences where I couldn't reach it in my boot are two too many.." I trailed off. 

Their eyes lit up "Oh my! That's really smart..." they reached up and tapped the side of my head "You've got one good head on your shoulders, Alicia."

I shrugged "I guess so."

"Oh! I almost forgot!" They grinned at me "I've seen Levi, Isabel, and Farlan use the ODM gear, and frankly they're incredible, self-taught or not. However, I understand you learned to use the gear with them?"

I nodded slowly "Yeah... I was."

Their eyes lit up again "Great! I've never seen someone so young with the ability to use ODM gear, and if the others are any comparison to your skill, I'm sure you're fantastic! What do you say?"

I thought for a moment before I got an idea. "Alright, I'll show you... On one condition."

"Name it!"

"You let me see some of the Survey Corps' records and reports." I offered.

They furrowed their eyebrows at me, before sighing, and grinning "Ah, what the hell! You've intrigued me now. As long as I'm there while you read them and you explain why you're looking at each one, then you've got yourself a deal." They stood up from their crouched position and stuck out a hand which I gladly accepted. "Alright! We can go look at the records right now since it's the afternoon, then tomorrow morning I'll get you set up with some gear and you can show me what you're made of."

We exited the room and walked side by side down the hall towards where the records were kept. Inside, was a table with a few chairs around it, and a floor to ceiling bookshelf that took up an entire wall. It was only half full, but I liked that they expected more to come from their expeditions outside the walls. "So, what are you looking for?" Hange asked, walking up to the shelf.

I thought for a moment "Look for anything written by Carlo Pikale in the year 778. It should be about an incident in Shiganshina." 

"Carlo Pikale, huh?" Hange smiled "You really know your stuff." 

I nodded and smiled lightly "Yeah, not much in the way of entertainment down there, and Angel's stories were as good as anything so I practically memorized them." 

They looked at me curiously before saying "Found it." and lifting one of the many thin books off the shelf. 

I took it from them and opened up to the first page "'This document contains information and a detailed first-person account, by myself, of the breach in Shiganshina District caused by ..." I trailed off and shut the book with a smile. "This is excellent. I'd like to see all the records from this point to about... 793 to 794? Which from what I recall shouldn't be much..."

Hange gave a slightly nervous chuckle "Yeah, you're right." before furrowing her brows "but, how do you know that?"

I smiled "Oh, um..." I rubbed the back of my neck, thinking about how I would explain to them before I got an idea "You know what? I'll tell you with these." Then I grabbed the last report off the shelf and placed it on the table, before sitting down. "If what I was told is true, of course. That's why I want to look at these. I know they'll tell me."

They smiled, and sat down next to me "alright, explain away."

I pulled up the first report by Carlo Pikale in 778, and started reading "This document contains information and a detailed first-person account, by myself and my comrade (Carlo Pikale and Sorum Hume of the Survey Corps) of the breach in Shiganshina District caused by the ever-growing cult of titan worshippers that have made the city their 'home-base'. When the Titan Worshippers first appeared at the gate, we (Garrison and Scout Regiment) thought almost nothing of them, and simply refused their demands to open the gate. Though, we did recognize the woman leading the Worshippers as.." I held my hand over my mouth "Oh my god.."

"What? Who is it?" Hange asked, but I shook my head.

"Noone, just... It's exactly like I was told so far, down to the woman leading the charge. But, if this is.." I shook my head and continued reading "Though, we did recognize the woman leading the Worshippers as Elena Mansel, the newly widowed wife of squad captain Heath Mansel, who only weeks prior had his head chucked over Wall Maria by a Titan. We tried to reason with her, but she would not listen and continued her chanting. The Garrison would have dispersed the situation quickly, had a visiting Official of the Royal Court not been taken, hostage. While we were discussing our moves to attempt to deescalate the situation, we heard the liberty bell ring, and suddenly the gate was opening. Soon after, a Titan ducked through."

"What?!" Hange asked, "Hold on, Hold on, I.." They trailed off, and started rubbing their hands together before mumbling "I never knew that... I mean, I'd heard that there had once been people who worshipped the titans, but... I never knew they actually got a Titan to breach the wall..." she looked back at me "What happened next?"

I scanned over the report quickly before closing it and saying "I can tell it much better than this." Hange raised an eyebrow and I brushed it off slightly "The rest of the report is vague about there being a few brave citizens who lead it out, or possibly the titan just getting full and leaving. But, it does mention that they found a ball of Titan vomit, which contained the partially digested corpse of Elena Mansel. It also vaguely mentions her unborn baby surviving the attack. But, if I can check very quickly for.." As I was gazing over the reports, a name caught my eye "Cardina Baumeister!" I picked up the report and opened it up, quickly scanning the pages and resting on the names 'Angel Aaltonen' and 'Kuklo'.

Every detail about the report was as I had been told. 793, an unauthorized test run of ODM gear outside the walls, the near-death experiences of Kuklo and Cardina, and best of all; the line '...using the gear invented by one Angel Aaltonen...' I looked up at Hange and launched into my recount of this part of the story Angel told me. I described the original design for ODM gear, how my friend had come up with the idea (Hange was surprised I knew of the Industrial City's existence, but they were too invested to ask further questions at that time). 

I described their return to Shiganshina, how Corina had been killed by the Titan during its breach, and how this fueled Angel to lead it out of the city and escape back up the wall using 'The Device' (original ODM gear). I then described Sorum Hume and Carlo Pikale's discovery of the Titan vomit, and how they found Elena Mansel's newborn child which she had apparently given birth to inside the Titan's stomach. 

I looked over at Hange at that part, expecting them to have been freaked out and ask me to stop talking, but they were grinning with a giddy if the not somewhat transfixed and confused look on their face. "Fascinating!" they exclaimed. I smiled lightly at the fact that they were so interested and continued to tell an abridged version of the story that had taken Angel years to tell me. As I talked, I would pull up a report every now and then to help confirm my story.

Telling Angel's story to Hange was great for a number of reasons. For starters, they listened intently and nodded along with no matter how outlandish anything I said might have sounded. They were also a good source of information, as occasionally they would confirm a detail or two (The blades and certain components of ODM gear are made of Iron Bamboo, Jorge "The Hero" was credited as the first person to have killed a Titan, and the Industrial City's existence altogether.)

When I was finished, Hange leaned back in their chair with their hands folded on their stomach "Huh. If what you're saying is true, that's very intriguing. I've never heard of 'Angel Aaltonen', though... But the name Sharle Inocencio does strike a few bells... oh yes! She and her husband own one of the most productive workshops in the Industrial City! Hm... I might have to send her a letter..." they trailed off, and then looked up at me, smiling "But that can wait. First, you owe me a demonstration!"

I grinned, nodded my head, and then we were off to find my set of ODM gear. "We kept the ODM gear you guys had," Hange explained "Because a soldier always works best with the gear they're used to, and we figured it would be the same with you guys" I nodded my head and started attaching the gear. when I was finished I looked up at Hange and they smiled, before leading the way outside.

Once we were out, we headed over to the trees where they had set up the training/practicing course. "Alright, so normally you would be equipped with blades and asked to kill dummy titans throughout the course, but! I just want to see how you do with the ODM gear in general. So, your mission will be to hit every platform that a person would usually be sitting on waiting to activate the Titans. There should be six platforms in total, and all you need is a simple foot touch and you can continue to the next platform. Got it?"

I nodded "Sounds easy enough." and then I gave myself a few running steps before launching into the air. I hit the first platform with no trouble, using the foothold to launch myself in the direction of the next one and latching onto a tree so I could swing myself the rest of the way. I touched it and headed off to the next one. I hit all six platforms, and then latched myself onto a tree near the start and glided back, landing next to Hange.

The Scout stood with a huge grin on their face "Jesus fuck Alicia!" they exclaimed "That was incredible!" before covering their mouth and putting a hand on my head "Shoot, pretend you never heard me say that."

I laughed "It's fine, I've heard a lot worse." In the end, I enjoyed my day with Hange, and decided flying under observation wasn't so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep Reading for Timeline bullshit because I need to rant.
> 
> Okay, SO: I don't care WHAT the Fandom page says, Levi did NOT join the scouts the year before Wall Maria fell, by the time wall Maria fell he had to have been with the scouts AT LEAST 9-10 years, because when Eren was a baby Erwin was handed command of the Survey Corps and when Levi joins, they're still being led by Keith Shadis (Later, Commandant Shadis). Realistically, When Levi first appears in the mainstream show, he is 30-35 years old. 
> 
> SO, you might be thinking "oh but in your story he doesn't-" A ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! I have mentioned, the timeline of my story has been fucked with, I've thought about this a shit ton more than you could ever imagine. I wanted to make sure that in 845 Alicia would be 10 years old, but there needed to be as much of an age gap between Levi and Alicia as humanly possible, so I settled on 10 years so that Levi wasn't TOO old when Kenny found them. There was also the matter of choosing WHEN exactly Levi, Farlan, and Isabel joined the scouts, so I picked when Alicia was 8, because it made the most sense surrounding the rest of the timeline.
> 
> tbh I just want the amount of time I put into crafting this timeline to be appreciated. There is so much controversy and gaps surrounding Levi's actual fucking age that I had to rewatch No Regrets and Attack On Titan at least 2 times in order to articulate a loose frame of events I could base shit around.


	11. No Regrets, But Don't Forget.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They figure out what to do with Alicia; Levi, Farlan, and Isabel embark on the 27th Scouting Expedition outside the Walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Character Death(s), Slight Self Harm (Not Relating to Suicidal Tendencies)

A few days later, a meeting was called for all of the Scouts who would be in attendance for the upcoming Expedition (I was told that more often than not that was everyone). All the scouts (Levi, Farlan, and Isabel included) were lined up in neat little columns, while I was off to the side, picking at my nails and not really listening to whatever was being said. Until I heard my name, that is. "And now, Alicia, step forward." my head shot up, and I took a few steps until I was directly next to the speaker, back straight and fingers folded behind my back. 

"This is Alicia, she came in with Levi, Farlan Church, and Isabel Magnolia. She, like them, has a self-taught ability to use ODM gear." A few scouts let out quiet surprised noises "If you have not yet had a chance to speak with her, I suggest you do soon, as it has been decided that 4 years from now she will be joining the Cadets and going on to join us in the ranks of the Scout Regiment. In the meantime, though, living accommodations have been arranged for her in Shiganshina." 

I furrowed my eyebrows for a split second before returning to normal. This was the first I was hearing of this, but better late than never, I guess. "However, to assist in maintaining her skill with ODM gear, she will be spending a week every two months here, where she will be given time to practice and train. You are to treat her with the same attitude as you would a fellow comrade." the speaker ran his eyes along the faces of every Scout before him, gauging their reactions "Is that clear?"

The Scouts saluted and shouted "Yes, Sir!" and then the meeting was dismissed.

The next day, I was loaded up on a cart alongside the scouts as we rode to Shiganshina, where the Expedition would officially begin. As we rode I couldn't help but stare at the sky, thinking about how all my questions had been answered. I knew how strong wind could blow, I knew how it felt tossing my hair about. I knew the sky was a soft blue, and was incredible as a greeting in the morning, along with the sun, which often woke me up. I didn't yet know what rain felt or looked like, but I knew I would eventually. 

When we arrived at the city of Shiganshina, I couldn't help but look around and take in the view of the city where Angel has once grown up in. Before I knew it, I was being pulled aside by Erwin, and towards a woman of average height in what I could guess was her 30s with straight brown hair tied into a ponytail that fell halfway down her torso and soft green eyes. She looked like she was waiting, standing off to the side of the streets. The two exchanged a small hug before Erwin turned to me "Alicia, meet Eve Suzuki, an old friend of mine. We grew up in the same city. She will be your foster mother for the next four years" he looked at Eve "This is Alicia, the girl I spoke of."

She smiled and knelt down to me "It's nice to meet you, Alicia! I hear you have quite an interesting skill. I'll have to see it sometime." I felt the corner of my mouth tilt upwards a little bit, but I knew that any joy I felt towards this woman being my new 'Foster Mother' would be short-lived. As soon as the others succeeded with the job, we'd be gone. Eve looked at Erwin and nodded. He nodded back and walked towards where the Survey Corps were still headed towards the gate. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up at Eve "Come on, don't you want to send them off?" she asked.

I nodded with a small smile "That sounds nice."

Eve lead me towards where the crowds were lining up on either side of the street to watch the Scouts take off. I heard people murmuring all around me, but couldn't focus on anything they were saying. All I could see were Farlan, Isabel, and Levi sitting side by side on horseback, preparing to leave. Suddenly, I heard a loud bell ring. I was confused as to what was going on for a moment before I realized it must have been the Liberty Bell. "Open the Gate!" Someone shouted.

As the gate slowly crawled open, at the head of the Scouts, I heard a voice "Today, we take another step forward! Show me the fruits of your training! Show them the strength of humanity!" All the scouts lifted their fists and blades in cheer, as the gate screeched to a halt as it was fully opened. "We will now begin the 23rd Expedition Beyond The Walls! Forward, everyone!" and just like that, they were off.

I watched as every last horse disappeared outside the walls, and the gate closed slowly behind them. Eve took my hand "Come on, they won't be back for hours. I'll show you around while we wait, okay?" she smiled down at me, and it was so warm and genuine, that I finally gave her a proper smile in return.

"That sounds nice," I replied.

She laughed "Ah, is that all you can say?"

I shook my head as we walked through the city "No, I'm just... at a loss for words."

Eve hummed in acknowledgment "I can understand that. You've been thrown into an unfamiliar situation in an unfamiliar place. Allow me to assist in making it less unfamiliar." We walked into a large open area with a fountain in the center, and she pointed to a group of men in identical uniforms with two roses over a shield on the back and sleeves. The three of them were all sitting on some wooden boxes, playing a game of cards. "Those are the local Garrison guard. Not quite impressive, I know, but they're good people. That blonde one in the middle is Haness, he's the captain." 

We continued walking down the streets as she pointed out different buildings "Oh, and over there is Dr. Jaeger's house." She pointed out a small house with stairs leading up to it. "Best Doctor in Wall Maria. Maybe even the entire country, who knows. He's got a son about your age, you know."

I hummed in acknowledgment and we continued walking. A little while into our tour, I felt something small hit my head. I patted my hair but felt nothing. Then, I felt it again, on my arm this time. Then Again, and Again, and Again, and before I knew it I was getting soaked in water. "Gaah!" Eve yelped with a laugh "Come on, run!" and so I followed her direction through the streets. Then it hit me, that this? This was RAIN. 

I grinned as Eve and I sprinted through the streets before bursting in the front door of a store. "aaaah" she sighed "Safe at last." then she locked the door and turned to look at me "Last stop, this is my store! The floor above this is my house, and yours now too!" she smiled. 

I smiled politely and sat at a table by a window, looking out at the rain. The sky was covered by the rain clouds, but just like that night not too long ago, I still knew it was there. I couldn't help but think of the rain as a good omen. A sign that everything was going to be alright, and that despite my worries, the three of them would come back in one piece (Well, three pieces.), the document would be in our possession, and Erwin would be dead. I felt the rain was a sign, that this would all turn out the way we had planned in the end.

I would only find out later just how wrong I really was.

After the rain had stopped, Eve took me back to the gate where the Scouts had left "They'll be back any minute now." she said. I was ecstatic as I heard the bell ring and the gate started opening. But as they started coming in, at the head of the group I caught blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. Erwin was alive. I immediately searched desperately for my Farlan, Isabel, and Levi before I caught a glimpse of my brother. I called out to him "Levi!" and he turned to look at me. 

My brother and I were never big on physical affection. It's not like we never touched each other or anything, it just didn't happen often. Most times, I and my brother only hug if something serious happens. As soon as he knelt down and I felt Levi's arms wrap around my waist, his head resting on my shoulder, I knew things weren't alright. I hesitated at first, my hand shaking, but I managed to slowly clutch his neck. 

"The job didn't work out." He whispered "I left the two of them alone for a few minutes... I trusted them to take care of themselves. But while I was gone, their group was attacked by this psychotic ass abnormal. killed every last one of them... Farlan and Isabel included. To top it all off, that bastard knew. Erwin knew what we were up to...the bastard still recruited us. The document is already long gone. I've decided to stay with the Survey Corps." he exhaled lightly "Alicia, I don't want you to regret anything that has happened today, or ever."

My grip around his neck tightened "Did you kill it?"

Levi pulled away, and my arms fell to my sides "I did. I killed it myself." 

I nodded "Good. I'll see you in two months." and with that, the Scout Regiment left Shiganshina, and Eve lead me back to her house (Mine as well now, I guessed.) I wouldn't let the tears start flowing until I was alone. I couldn't let anyone see. I couldn't let anyone here think I was weak. 

I read this book once in the underground district. In it, there was a man who marked his skin with a small round bump of a scar for every life he took. I thought it was morbid and self-destructive. Who wants to have a constant reminder of all the people they've killed? But, I think I finally understood. The need to remember something so much. I took out Angel's knife and held it up to my left arm. I took a deep breath in, and then made two small cuts on my forearm, just deep enough to scar.

One for each person I'd lost that day. I wouldn't regret anything that I had done to get to this moment, but I wouldn't let myself forget. Never.


	12. Up on the Housetop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia has a good first few days in Shiganshina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Minor Foul Language/Cursing

The next morning when I woke up, it was to the sun peeking through the curtains covering the window next to my bed. I slowly sat up in bed, and looked around, disoriented, until I remembered the events of the day before. I slowly lifted my hand and ran it along the two marks on my left forearm. They had stopped bleeding the night before, but they still hurt if I pressed on them too hard.

I slowly stood up and walked over to the dresser in the corner of the room. Eve had given me all her old clothes from when she was about my age, and I quickly discovered she wore a lot of pants and loose-fitting shirts as a child. I didn't mind that much, since that's what I preferred as well. I slowly pulled on the clothing and placed my knife in its loop, then ran a few fingers through my hair before opening the door and stepping outside. 

I hadn't memorized the layout yet, but it only took a few steps to find the kitchen where Eve was standing slicing a loaf of bread. The floorboards creaked under my weight, and she looked at me over her shoulder "Oh, good, you're awake. I was making us some sandwiches for breakfast. You don't mind?"

I shook my head "No." before walking up to the counter "Do you need any help?"

Eve smiled down at me holding up a round red vegetable "Now that you mention it, could you slice this tomato?" I nodded. She handed me a knife, and I started slicing up the red fruit. 

Things were silent a few minutes, save for the soft noises of metal knives hitting wooden cutting boards. Then I spoke up "I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to it."

"Oh?" Eve asked, pulling out plates and placing four slices of bread on them. "Get used to what?"

"The sun." I replied, setting my knife down "It's woken me up every morning for the past week and a half." I picked up the cutting board with the sliced tomato on it and handed it over to her "In the underground district, everything was always at the same light level, day or night. Wouldn't know what time of day it was unless there was a clock nearby." 

Eve hummed "Erwin mentioned you and the others lived underneath Stohess before they found you. I had heard there was a city down there but... well I'd never met anyone who was born there."

I nodded "That sounds about right. Most people don't get out of the Underground Ward. If you somehow wind up living down there, you'll likely die there." I closed up the sandwiches with a second slice on top. Eve lead me to a small round dining table, where we sat down and started eating our breakfast.

"I open the store from around Nine O'clock in the morning to Six O'clock in the afternoon on weekdays." Eve started explaining "Saturdays I'm open from Eleven O'clock to Three O'clock. Sundays I'm off, always." She looked at me, and I nodded telling her I understood. "You're free to do anything you'd like around the city as long as you don't get in too much trouble, and you're home by six unless I tell you otherwise." she took the last bite of her sandwich and licked her fingers "I might ask you to help out in the store or assist with cleaning sometimes. I'd appreciate it if you don't make too much of a fuss about it."

I shook my head "I'm used to it. My brother has always been big on keeping things neat."

Eve grinned "Well then, I'll have to thank him for that sometime." Eve picked up her plate and walked over to the sink "I have to open the store soon, put your plate in the sink when you're done." I nodded and with that, she walked down the stairs leading towards her workplace. 

I sat with myself for a moment, taking in the silence as I chewed. I had a lot on my mind today, a lot to take in. So, when I finished my sandwich and put my plate in the sink, I decided I would go exploring. Try to make sense of an unfamiliar situation. I slowly walked down the stairs and into the store where Eve was at the counter talking to a customer. She caught me out of the corner of her eye and smiled holding her hand up for the woman she was talking to give her one second "Hey, you headed out?"

I nodded "Wanted to get a look around."

"Alright, stay safe!" she called behind me as I closed the door. I was about to start walking through the streets like a normal person, but out of the corner of my eye I caught a building with siding that created ridges... and well, the next thing I knew I was on the roof.

I ran around the city like this for a while, revisiting the places Eve had shown me the day before, but I soon got tired and decided to sit down for a rest. As I lay there staring up at the sky, I wondered if the people born on the surface would ever truly understand its incredibleness. 

It was during this thought, that I heard it "What are you doing up there?" a boy's voice called.

I looked down at the ground, and there stood a boy with a blonde undercut and bright blue eyes clutching a book tightly to his chest. "I'm looking at the sky," I said, sitting up.

He tilted his head "What's so interesting about the sky?"

I tilted my head up and pondered for a moment, before looking back at him "It's so bright and endless. It's a gorgeous shade of blue and has small white accent marks made of clouds." I replied.

He hummed lightly, and gazed at the ground for a moment, before looking back up at me "You know..." he started, "It's not actually blue." 

My eyes widened and I raised a brow "Oh yeah? What color is it then?"

"Well, it's technically purple." He said, smiling.

I looked back up at the sky, then down at him again "I don't see it."

He laughed "Yeah, that's the point. It's a kind of purple that humans can't see. Only animals." 

I thought about this for a moment, before jumping down from the roof and landing in front of him "Humans are animals too, you know."

He nodded "Hm, I guess I should rephrase... a lot of animals can see that shade of purple, but humans can't. Dogs, for example."

I smiled lightly "What's your name?"

"Armin Arlert. You?"

"Alicia."

He tilted his head "What about your last name?"

I shrugged "I've never really had one." he looked at me, confused, so I shrugged again "It's a lot more common where I come from. I just moved here."

He nodded "Alright then, It's nice to meet you Alicia." he stuck out his hand, and I took it.

"It's nice to meet you too, Armin Arlert."

When I got home that afternoon, Eve was making dinner. After about half an hour, we sat down at the dining room table to eat. She asked me about my day, I told her I had explored the city some more. 

We made basic small talk until something caught my eye. There was a board on the wall covered with pencil sketches of various things. I pointed to it "Did you draw those?"

Eve glanced over her shoulder at the board and smiled "Yes, It's a hobby I've had since I was a kid."

I nodded "They're really good. Better than any art I've ever seen... that's not much though." 

Eve laughed "Thank you for the compliment."

"You're welcome" I smiled "What are those flowers called? You seem to draw them a lot."

"Hyacinths," she grinned "There's this tale about them from the olden days. The story goes there was a god who took a liking to this one human man named Hyacinthus Long story short, they fell in love, the man ended up dying, possibly from a mistake the god made, and in his grief, he turned Hyacinthus into a flower as he took his final breath. Hence the name, Hyacinth."

I hummed and stared at the sketches "Why are all the most beautiful things derived from tragedy?"

Eve laughed "Whow there, I was told you were smart but don't go all philosophical on me." she sighed with a smile "I suppose you're right though."

I grinned and shrugged "Can't have a rainbow without a storm, right?" I furrowed my eyebrows "At least that's what I've been told..." Eve laughed and confirmed my statement. We finished eating before turning in for the night.

It was a few days later that I woke up and it was still dark outside. Well, that's what I thought until I glanced over and saw the sun curtains on my window closed. I sighed, got up from the bed, and opened them to discover the sun was already up. I trudged my way to the kitchen and found a muffin waiting for me on the table. 

I looked at the clock on the wall and discovered that Eve was already in the store, so I grabbed my muffin and walked down the stairs, taking a bite on my way down. When I reached the bottom, Eve was walking around helping two boys find all the items on a list she was holding in her hand. She glanced over and spotted me, smiling "Look who's finally decided to join the land of the living!"

"You closed my curtain," I stated flatly, taking another bite.

Eve grinned "Call it an experiment! You claim the sun wakes you up every morning, I wanted to see if it was true."

I sighed "Yeah, well, it's not like I was lying." 

Eve smiled, and then realized she still had customers "Oh! Boys! This is Alicia, I'll taking care of her for a while. She's about your age you know." One I recognized, the same blonde-haired and blue-eyed oy I had met previously, and the other was unfamiliar. he had bright green eyes and messy brown hair. Eve looked at me "Alicia, this is Eren Jaeger and Armin Arlert, say hello."

I nodded and mimed tipping an imaginary hat and giving an exaggerated bow "Pleasure to meet you, Eren."

"You too." the boy replied.

I smiled, and tipped my imaginary hat again at the other boy "Nice to see you again, Armin." 

Eren glanced at the blonde next to him "You've met her before?"

Armin's eyes lit up "Hey, yeah! We met a few days ago! You were looking at the sky." 

"That's great! Alicia could use some friends, especially ones her age." Eve smiled.

"Hey!" I protested, but Eve ignored me.

"That should be everything now... Alicia, why don't you help these two carry their bags back to Eren's house?" She said in a way that told me I didn't have that much of a choice.

"Yeah, sure," I said, "That sounds fine." I picked up a bag that was sitting on the floor, and soon we were off. We talked about anything and everything we could think of on the way to Eren's house, and I quickly discovered Eren was very different from Armin. The blonde was slightly shy and non-confrontational, but incredibly smart. While Eren was intelligent but compulsive and brash in his decisions. Armin mentioned he liked to get into fights whether he could win them or not. 

I remember laughing at that "Ya know, I'm pretty good when it comes to shit like that." I hesitated for a moment, but they didn't react to my language "I could show you some stuff sometime. Maybe give you a better fighting chance."

Eren glanced at me, then smiled lightly and nodded "Yeah, okay." And that is how I came to befriend two of the most important people in my life. But, we were still missing one.


	13. Loss and Gain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia deals with her loss by keeping grieving to a minimum, and finding a purposed in Shiganshina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Non-Graphic Depictions of Violence,

It was two weeks later that I finally had some brutal action. I was walking along the streets over the rooftops when I heard Armin's voice. He sounded like he was desperately trying to talk to someone. I spotted him in the middle of three older boys. I wasn't sure what they wanted, but they might have been just trying to mess with him. "Guys! Please! Stop!"

I slowly walked up on the roof behind them. Armin caught me in his vision, and his eyes widened. I shook my head and pressed a finger to my lips. "Please!" he continued "Leave me alone!"

The one guy scoffed "Like Hell!" 

"Yeah! Keep whining though, it's hilarious!" another chimed in.

I slowly crept down from the rooftop, and behind the three guys. Armin looked at me with fearful eyes, but before he could say anything I grabbed the third boy and kicked him in the back of the legs, sending him to his knees where I unsheathed my knife and held it up to his throat, my other hand gripping his wrists together. "Let him go or your friend gets hurt." I threatened.

"You're bluffing!" The guy I was holding down exclaimed "Get her, she won't touch me."

I nicked his neck in one quick flick of my wrist, breaking the skin just enough to shed blood. "That feel like bluffing, big guy?" I looked at the other two "I repeat; let him go, or your friend gets hurt."

The two guys exchanged looks, before bolting "Let's get out of here!" they exclaimed.

Armin stood up, and wiped his eyes, while I stood up and kicked the one I still had in the back so he was face down in the dirt "You heard them, get out of here!" 

He whimpered for a moment before he clumsily stood up and started running "Guys! Wait for me!"

I turned to Armin, my monotone expression melting into concern "Are you alright? Are you hurt?" 

He shook his head "That was so cool, Alicia! Where'd you learn to fight like that?"

I shrugged, putting my knife back in its belt "Just a little something I picked up. 

The next day I watched as the Scouts left on yet another Expedition. Hange winked at me, and Levi nodded before they left. I waited anxiously when the gate opened yet again, and like before both of them came back safe. 

Another week later, and I was teaching. "Come on Eren, I know you can do it" I encouraged.

"I'm trying!" he said.

He tried the stance again, but I shook my head "You're gripping it too hard. Here, like this." I stepped closer and took his arm.

"What are you doing?!" he yelled.

I rolled my eyes "Relax, I just need to hold your wrist. It won't hurt, I swear." True to my word, I took his wrist in my hand and held it there.

"She's feeling merciful," Armin said from his seat on the stairs. "Honestly with the way I've seen Alicia fight, I bet she could break your wrist with her hands tied behind her back." I rolled my eyes and waved him off.

"Okay, feel the pressure I'm putting on your wrist? EXACTLY like that, nothing more, nothing less." I let go and held out my own wrist for him "Now you try."

He held out and grabbed me, before squeezing. "Like this?"

I teetered my head from side to side "A little tighter... there, you've got it. Now, do that with the knife." he held on to the dull blade, and I smiled "That's it, you got it." I backed up "Now, act like you're going to fight me. Every move you make before, during, and after a fight matter."

He nodded "Alright," and stood with the knife clutched at his side, an angry scrunched up face.

I shook my head "Look, Eren, the way you're acting, all this 'I can beat you' looking crap? It's not the way you should be approaching it."

"Oh yeah?" he raised an eyebrow "What, you want me to act like I can't win?"

I shook my head "No, but we're kids. Children. Especially in places like Shiganshina, it's easy for folks to underestimate us because of that. Use that to your advantage. Before you start, you want to make sure your opponent isn't aware of your strength. Make them think you're not that big a threat. If you can wait until they're close to attack. While you're fighting, keep yourself relatively monotone, and blank. Don't let anyone know what you're thinking, what you're planning. Don't even move your eyes unless you're in the process of making a motion. Afterward, act like you knew you'd win all along, even if you weren't sure." I shrugged and grinned "At least that's what I was taught. It's worked out for me so far." 

He nodded "I'll try to remember that, then."

By the time it had been two months spent in Shiganshina, I had almost forgotten I would have to leave. "I don't understand," Armin asked "Where are you going?"

I shook my head "I'm going to be just inside Wall Rose, and only for a week. I'm visiting my brother, he's.... he's the only family I have left."

"Why doesn't he live in Shiganshina, then?" Eren piped up.

I sighed "Boy do you two have a lot of questions today." I turned my head to look at the brunette "He has things he needs to take care of that mean I can't always be with him anymore." I reached on either side of me and ruffled the hair on both of their heads, which they naturally complained about. "Don't worry, I'll be back in a week, and I only have to go every two months. I'm sure you'll survive without me."

The next day I was climbing on the boat, and taken away to the Scout Regiment base in Wall Maria. I felt I was fully prepared to go until I saw my brother. The last time I had talked to him, he had been informing me of the deaths of two of my closest friends.

I didn't cry... At least not then, anyway.

But when I got to my room and Levi came in to talk... then I cried. He handed me a quarter loaf of bread and some carrots, and we stayed there all night reliving memories of Farlan and Isabel, instead of going down for dinner. It was nice. 

The next day I trained with Hange non-stop, figuring out what I could improve on (There wasn't much). Plus, how I could continue using my own style of maneuvering ODM gear while incorporating the style I would be taught in the cadets. Overall, it was a successful visit, with one minor mishap...

The night I first had dinner with the scouts, I noticed Hange and Levi sitting at the same table with another group of scouts I didn't recognize fully, though I think the one was named Moblit. 

I figured they wouldn't want a kid barging in, and so I sat at an empty table by myself. That didn't last more than a few minutes, before I felt hands on my shoulders "What do you think you're doing, eating all by yourself?" A voice asked from next to my ear. 

I jumped, before turning my head to see Hange "Um... I thought you wouldn't want me sitting with you?"

Hange grinned, and before I knew it I was being lifted into the air and into the older scout's arms "Now what gave you that silly idea?"

"Oh my god, Hange put me down"

"Why ever would I do that?" they teased and started walking towards the table they had sat down at "I know for a fact you're not scared of heights." with that, they plonked me down in the seat next to where they had been sitting and retook their spot. The rest of the scouts at the table started laughing, and I folded my arms on the table to bury my head in them.

Levi was sitting on my other side and placed a hand on my shoulder "If it makes you feel any better if they do it again I'll kick their legs out from under them."

I groaned and punched him in the arm. I never sat in any spot that wasn't with Hange-squad and my brother again. At least... not for a few years. 

True to my word, I was back in Shiganshina within a week. When I got off the boat, I was bombarded by my two loyal friends "You came back!" Armin exclaimed.

I laughed "It's not like I was lying! I'm not leaving this city permanently." I smiled lightly "Atleast not anytime soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave Kudos if you're enjoying 'It's Always Like That' so far, and leave a comment if you want!


	14. Don't Stop Me Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the next year, Alicia's life moves at a fast pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Foul Language/Cursing

The day Armin showed me his parents' book about what it was like outside The Walls was the day I stopped dreading the seemingly 'looming doom' of being forced to join the Scout Regiment. "It's about the outside!" he said, opening it between us.

This was one of the rare occasions I spent any time with friends inside. I preferred being outdoors in the sun to cooped up inside, and it was always more convenient if we were already outside, in case we suddenly had an impulse to do something stupid. No need to explain where we were going to the adults if they weren't aware we were going anywhere special. 

Inside the book was long paragraphs describing what the explorer had seen on one of his many adventures, and occasionally a picture to accompany it. "Giant rocks that take days to climb? Jeez, if this is true the outside must be HUGE." I exclaimed. 

Armin nodded excitedly and directed towards a new portion of the book "See this? Even though it's so huge, most of it is covered in a huge body of water FILLED with salt, called the Sea!" 

My eyes widened as I muttered, "I wonder if the scouts ever see any of this stuff... " 

Armin shook his head "don't think so, or we would have heard of all this before, right?"

I nodded and shrugged "I suppose you're right..."

The blonde bit his lip and looked me dead in the eyes "Can you keep a secret?" I nodded, and he grinned "My parents are planning on sneaking outside the walls. They're going to see the world..."

I widened my eyes "Whow... aren't they scared of Titans?"

Armin shook his head "They built a hot air balloon! It'll fly them up and above the Titans as long as they keep it running properly."

"... Your parents are brave," I said, truthfully. 

After a few moments of silence, Armin stood up and held out a hand "Come on! Let's go show Eren!" I grinned and grabbed his hand before we sprinted out the door.

~

"Have you ever seen a rock so big it'd take you days if you decided to climb it?" I questioned Hange and Levi while I was strapping on my harness. 

They exchanged glances and Levi asked, "No, why?"

I shrugged "Eh, just wondering. I've never been outside the walls, sometimes I wonder what it's like." It wasn't a complete lie. Armin, Eren, and I were wondering about what the outside was like.

Hange rolled their eyes "Not sure where you got that idea from, but I've never seen any rocks that big."

~

The first time I spoke with Eren's parents was just after Armin's left. We hadn't heard anything about what happened to them, which we assumed was good news. 

"I'm so glad Eren's made another friend." Carla Jaeger said smiling "I'm told you're pretty tough."

"Aaw, you think I'm tough?" I grinned cheekily at the brunette sitting at the table next to me.

"Shut up!" Eren whined, making me and Armin laugh. 

"Tell me, Alicia. Where are you from? I heard you only moved to Shiganshina a few months ago." his father, Dr. Grisha Jaeger asked. 

I gulped and ran my fingers over the two healed scars on my left arm. "Well, I uh... I'm from Wall Sina." 

"Sina?" Armin asked from on the other side of Eren "You never told us that! I figured you were from Northern Wall Maria or something..." he trailed off.

"Isn't everyone in Sina rich?" Eren asked.

I grit my teeth and shook my head "No. Not everyone is rich."

It was silent for a few moments before Dr. Jaeger broke it "I'm sorry I asked, I didn't know it was a sore subject." 

"It's alright." I smiled, lightly.

He smiled, glad I wasn't uncomfortable "I hear you have a brother? Is he older or younger?"

"Older."

"Ah, by how much?"

"10 years."

"Wow, that's a wide age gape, huh?" Carla piped in.

"Yeah... I guess." I replied, my smile tense.

I was glad when the woman moved on slightly from the subject "Ah, I could never deal with such a large gap between my children. That's why Eren is staying an only child." 

Eren rolled his eyes "I thought I was enough?"

The woman smiled and placed her hand on top of her husband's "Yes, Eren. You're plenty."

~

When Hange first brought up the idea, there was.... an expected amount of pushback. "No. Absolutely not." 

"Oh, Come ON, Erwin!" Hange protested "She's capable!"

"She's eight!"

"I'm almost nine," I interjected from the corner of the room, though I really just wanted to see how far Hange would take this. 

They gestured at me with exaggerated hand movements "See?! She's almost NINE!" Hange groaned "You're acting like I want her to go on an expedition!"

"It appears you're preparing her for one." The blonde replied, face still unmoving and monotone.

"As much as any Cadet would be-"

"She's not a Cadet, Hange." He stood up and placed his hands on the desk in front of him "You're suggesting handing large Titan killing blades to a child, and basically telling her to go wild? I don't think so."

"Her brother was incredibly skilled with the blades right off the-"

Erwin sighed "Levi was eighteen years old when he first even touched a Titan killing blade." 

Hange let out an exasperated noise "She's highly skilled in dealing with blades, and I-" they sighed "I've been looking at her own knife that she keeps on her person, and..." they looked at me and held out their hand. "Alicia, can you hand it over for a moment?"

I nodded and pulled it out "Sure thing." before handing it to them.

They smiled at me "Thank you." before turning back to Erwin and pointing at the blade. "This blade is made out of Iron Bamboo, The same substance used for Titan killing blades, and most components of ODM gear." she leaned in close to Erwin "Alicia has been carrying around this thing since she was FIVE."

Erwin furrowed his eyebrows for a moment, before gingerly taking the blade in his hand. He turned it over for a few moments before looking at me "Where did you get this?"

I looked away and remained silent, hoping Hange would too. When they did, I was glad. Erwin sighed, placing the blade back in Hange's hand. They smiled and handed it back to me, where I sheathed it. 

"Have we asked Levi what he thinks?" Erwin questioned, "I think we could use a third opinion."

Hange grinned "I'll get right on that!" 

~  
I slowly opened my eyes, the bright light of the sun shining on me as I sat up in bed. I sighed as I slowly pushed off the covers and stood up. I changed from my night clothes to a loose long-sleeved shirt and light brown pants (With my belt, of course). As I walked down the hall, and into the kitchen, I was fully prepared to have a normal day, until I stepped inside.

Eve immediately spun around to look at me and ran forward, falling to a crouch and squeezing me in her arms "Happy birthday, Alicia!" 

Oh. Right. My birthday. "Um, Th-Thank you," I said as I slowly wrapped my arms around her in return.

She pulled back and smiled at me "Oh, You're welcome!" then she stood up and walked over to the table, beckoning for me to follow her "I made your favourite!"

I looked at the food on my plate and smiled "Banana muffins..." 

She grinned "Yup! Oh, and I nearly forgot..." she pulled out a piece of paper and put it upside down on the table, sliding it towards me. "Here's your present."

I gingerly picked up the paper and gasped. In light and dark strokes alike, the paper depicted a set of stairs near the center of the city where Eren, Armin and I liked to hang out. On the stairs, Armin was sitting to the side, reading aloud from a book open on his lap. Eren was sitting closer to the bottom, looking at Armin. I was spread out with my back resting on the stairs, gazing up at the sky. "This is..."

I looked up and Eve was grinning at me "You always say how much you like my drawings, so I figured I could draw one for you."

"It's incredible..." I said, "Like a moment in time, captured..." I traced my fingers over the outlines of our faces carefully. 

Eve laughed "I'm glad you like it so much!" she started digging into her muffin "Eren and Armin are coming over later, I made a small cake for the three of you to share. It's not much, but..."

"It's the most anyone's ever really done for my birthday..." I said quietly "It's not like no one cared, down in the underground district we just... we never had time or money or anything... The last time I got a proper birthday gift like this was when I was five.." I trailed off, remembering when Angel gave me the knife."

Eve put a hand over mine "Well, now you have someone who can celebrate with you." She smiled at me "At least, for the next few years."

I smiled "Yeah. At least for the next few years."

When the boys arrived later in the day, Eren had some news. 

"Wait, you're leaving next week, too?" I asked, "Where are you going?" 

Eren shrugged "I don't know exactly where, but it's some of my dad's patients. A family."

Armin groaned "You mean I'm being left all alone?"

I laughed "Oh, hush. I'm sure you'll live without us for a few days."

"Nah, I think he's going to die." Eren grinned. 

Armin groaned "You guys are mean." Which made me and the brunette laugh.

~

When I got to the Survey Corps' base a week later, I was immediately crushed in a hug. "I did it!" Hange squealed in my ear. "Levi agreed to help convince Erwin! You can practice with the Titan killing blades!" They spun me around and put me back down on the ground, rolling their eyes just a little bit "With an extensive amount of preparation... But it's still a win!" They grinned. 

I smiled back, "Nice!" 

They grabbed my hand, "Oh, and for the record, Happy late birthday Alicia". I smiled and allowed myself to be pulled away immediately to the testing site, where Levi was waiting for us. We slowed as we came closer, and Hange finally let go of me. 

"Hey." I greeted, and he nodded in return. 

"You better be grateful." Levi said to Hange as we got closer "Took a shit ton of convincing to get Erwin to agree to this."

Hange groaned "How many times do I have to say thank you before your sorry ass stops fishing?"

"I don't know, how long you got?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes "Can we get on with it already?" I looked at Hange "What am I supposed to be doing?"

"First, get in your ODM gear, then I'll show you." They replied. I nodded and started strapping on my harness and gear while Levi and Hange bickered behind me. 

"Alright, I'm done."

"Excellent!" Hange grinned, and then they handed me two long, thin wooden slabs in the shape of Titan killing blades. "I had these specially made. They're designed to be identical to the blades we use, everything down to the weight and bendability. Except, they can't cut through anything."

I raised an eyebrow "Meaning?"

"Meaning, while you're practicing with them if you hit yourself it'll hurt like hell, sure, but it won't cause any lasting damage or serious injuries."

I nodded "Smart."

"Shocking," Levi countered.

Hange clenched their jaw, but took a deep breath in and out, before moving on "Anyway! They should clip on just like normal blades. You'll be moving through the course just like you normally do, just try not to hit yourself with the blades, got it?" They said, and I nodded.

Hange grinned "Alright, let's get this show on the road!" and then I was off, and no one could stop me.


	15. The One We Were Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and his father return from their trip accompanied by a new face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Foul Language/Cursing, Implied Violence, Mentions of Death

As expected, I returned to Shiganshina one day before Eren. On the day before Eren's return, Armin and I didn't do much except lay around the city trying to avoid trouble and relax. "Things are so much... quieter, without Eren around," Armin said.

I nodded and smiled from my spot next to him. "Kinda nice, right?" I had convinced him to join me on the roof of a store near the outside gate. We were currently lying down on our backs, gazing up at the sky. 

Armin chuckled lightly. "Yeah, a bit." then we heard the distinct ring of the liberty bell and a yell of 'open the gate!'

I sat up abruptly. "The scouts are back."

Armin sat up beside me, calmly, though I knew he was stepping a little bit outside his comfort zone being on the roof. "We have a good view up here. I don't think we should have any trouble seeing them."

I nodded and smiled lightly. "Good." By now, Armin had come to expect that Eren and I would want to watch the Scouts, whether leaving or coming back.

As the soldiers in green capes started filing back in, I winced slightly at the injuries they had sustained and the number of corpses dragged in tow. I always winced. Sometimes I cried. Every time I saw them file in, I felt terrified. I knew that one day I would have to join their ranks, to fight alongside them. I had to, yet I feared my future in the Scouts so much I could barely stand it. "Hey, you're shaking." I felt Armin rest a hand on my arm. I stopped almost immediately, regaining my composure. "We can leave if you need to-"

"I'm fine." I cut him off. "Besides, I want to see this." I started scanning for faces I knew and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Hange and Levi in the crowd. Levi noticed me first and nudged the former. He gestured vaguely in my direction, and they saw me within a few seconds of searching. The scout grinned wildly and gave me a small wave, which I returned after making sure Armin wasn't paying attention. "Okay," I said after a few minutes. "We can go now. Do you..." I glanced over at him "want to get down?"

Armin looked at me and sighed. "I don't know. It's not like the height is bothering me or anything I'm just not as used to this as you are."

I laughed, "It's alright. Let's get down from here." With that, we walked off to the closest area we could jump down from and headed back to Eve's store side by side.

The next day, when Eren and his father were due to return, Armin and I decided to meet him at the docks where their ferry would arrive. We were trying to think of a topic of conversation to fill the time when Armin asked, "Are you athletic?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, "What? Why?" but thought for a moment about the movements I had to do while using ODM gear.

"I don't know!" he shrugged, "You're good at getting around Shiganshina on the rooftops, figured you must be athletic."

I softened my face, "Yeah, I guess."

His eyes widened slightly, "Really?" and I nodded. "Yeah, so what can you do? Can you do a split?" he asked.

I pondered it, then cringed, "Yeah, no. I'm not even going to attempt that."

"Well then, what can you do?"

I thought for a moment before I remembered the landing I use when I'm coming down fast with the gear. "I can do a flip?" I offered.

Armin raised both eyebrows, "What? No way." 

I nodded, "Yes, way! I mean..." I thought for a moment, "I'd likely have to gain some momentum first, but I could probably create my own with a handspring..." I sighed, "Yeah, I could do a flip.

Armin softened his face and smiled, "Alright, do one now then!"

I rolled my eyes, "You can't be serious."

"Deadly." He challenged. I stared into his eyes for a moment before rolling my own.

"God, you're starting to sound like Eren."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Yes!"

Armin and I laughed for a moment before I stood up, "You know what? Screw it." 

Armin's eyes widened, "Seriously?"

I looked him straight in the eyes, "Deadly." and we both giggled lightly. 

I walked over to an area clear of people and started to prepare myself. "You've gotta do this quickly." Armin said from nearby, "The ferry is coming in." I glanced over and noticed he was right. I started preparing myself.

I took a deep breath and jumped onto my hands, pushing off and landing back on my feet. I repeated this process in quick succession three times before pushing off higher than I did earlier, tucking in on myself and rolling midair. I landed bent down on my feet and knees as I did when using ODM gear, my hands even out to the side as if I was holding the blades. I stood up and grinned at Armin, "Told you I could do it!"

"Alicia! Armin!" I heard a voice call out. Armin and I both turned towards the speaker quickly and smiled when we saw our brunette friend running towards us. Behind him were his father and a girl our age I had never seen before. She had long black hair and piercing blue eyes, though, most noticeably, she was wearing Eren's red scarf.

"Hey, Eren!" I called back, "Who's the girl?"

Eren reached us and looked back at her and his father. Dr. Jaeger and her exchanged looks, and he nodded for her to go as Eren beckoned her over. "This is Mikasa Ackerman. She's the daughter of the family we were going to visit. She'll be living with my parents and me from now on." He pointed at us, "Mikasa, these are my friends Armin and Alicia." 

Mikasa nodded, and I heard her voice for the first time as she pulled down the scarf slightly, "It's nice to meet you both."

Armin and I exchanged glances, "Likewise." Armin said, cutting through the few seconds of silence. "Not to be rude, but... Why exactly are you living with the Jaegers now?" Eren winced, and Armin quickly added, "I'm sorry! It's just that when Eren and his father left, it was to see you and your parents. What..." he hesitated, and I filled in for him.

"What happened?" I asked.

Eren started saying something, but Mikasa cut him off, "Before Eren and his father showed up, three men came to my house. They killed my parents and kidnapped me."

My eyes widened, "I'm... I'm sorry, Mikasa." I furrowed my eyebrows, "How did you get away?"

She nodded in Eren's direction, "He showed up. At first, he was acting like a scared little kid, then suddenly he changed. He pulled out a knife and started stabbing two of the men." My eyes widened, and I felt anger and shock fill my head, but she continued talking, "He was untieing me when the third man came in and grabbed him. I had to fight back for him because he didn't have his knife on him anymore. By the time the Military Police showed up, we had taken care of the problem."

"You..." I said under my breathe, and Eren winced, "You son of a bitch." I said, glaring at him. 

"Mikasa..." Eren whined lightly, "Why did you have to go and tell them?"

The girl shrugged, keeping her slightly monotone expression. "They asked."

I growled and glanced over to where Dr. Jaeger was watching from afar, waiting for Mikasa and Eren likely so they could get going. Why was I so angry? I had blood on my hands. I had even more than the two of them and from an even younger age. I knew how it was in a situation like that, and even then, "We'll talk about this later, Eren." I sighed, "But don't think my putting it off doesn't mean I'm going to chew you out." I put a finger to his chest, stepping closer, "I taught you that shit for self-defence, not so that you could go batshit."

"It was in-" He started to protest, but I cut him off.

"I suggest you shut up right now." I pointed to where Dr. Jaeger was standing, "You better get going. Your father is waiting." With that, Mikasa and Eren walked away. I turned to Armin and sighed. He put a hand on my shoulder, and I leaned into it, "I'm gonna kill him."

"No, you're not."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do." We started walking towards Eve's store. "You care about him too much. I've seen you fight tooth and nail to protect him and me. You wouldn't kill him."

I sighed, "Yeah, well, that won't stop me from beating the shit out of him."

Armin laughed, "You do that."

A week later, I was busy helping Eve stock the store when Armin burst in, "Alicia! It's Eren! We were walking by the fountain in the center of town, and some guys started picking on him! They're-"

"Yeah, I can take a wild guess what happened," I said hurriedly. I glanced at Eve, and she nodded, telling me I could go. 

I sprinted through the streets, no time for me to climb onto a roof. Armin followed just behind as the wind whipped through my hair, and I finally arrived at the scene where the fight had broken out. The only thing is, there wasn't a fight going on anymore. I looked at the three guys, all beaten to a pulp on the ground, then to Eren and Mikasa standing to the side. "What the hell happened here?"

Eren quickly spun around to face me, "Alicia?"

I rolled my eyes, "Armin came to fetch me when your little fight broke out," I gestured to the blonde boy next to me, "He figured you could use some help." I stepped closer, my face tensing, "Now I repeat, what the hell happened here?"

Eren shrugged and sighed, almost disappointed. "Ask Mikasa. She did all the work."

I looked at the mousy looking girl next to him, "You did this?" 

She nodded and pulled the scarf further over her face. "Yes."

I stared at her for a moment before my face broke out into a small smile, and I set a hand on her shoulder, "I think you and I are going to be good friends, Mikasa Ackerman."

She really was the one we were missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave Kudos or a Comment, it brings me serotonin and lets me know you're enjoying the story!


	16. On That Day in Shiganshina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia's little paradise in Shiganshina comes crashing down with a single kick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Character Death, Foul Language/Cursing, Depictions of Violence/Death

Around a month after I turned Ten-Years-Old, on that day in Shiganshina, I was on a walk through the street. That wasn't something I did often (at least not alone), but for some reason, that day, I was feeling sentimental and felt like I should. "What if they break through walls? We'd be sitting ducks on your watch!" I heard Eren yell as I got closer to the gate. I mentally raised an eyebrow and got a little bit closer so I could listen better. Mikasa and Eren were carrying packs of wood on their backs while speaking with Hanaas, who was quite clearly drunk off his ass.

"Eren, kid, please..." Hanaas said, putting a hand to his forehead, "Use your inside voice."

One of his fellow soldiers laughed and stood up, "The Doc's kid has some fire in him." he stopped next to Hanaas, "Listen, the only thing they've done to the wall in the past 100 years is scratch at it. I have a feeling if they get it in their big heads to do something else, we'll be more than ready for them."

"A feeling?!" Eren yelled, "What have any of you done to be ready for them?! Dad says you've got to stay sharp!"

"Ah, the good Dr. Jaeger," Hanaas said solemnly. "Ah well, can't argue with a man who single-handedly spared us from the plague. The thing is, he's talking about his scalpel. What we do isn't half as important." he looked behind him at the city. "Hey, no offence to your father, but a soldier's time beyond the wall tends to put the whole issue into perspective." he carried on, "You see them, roaming around out there, mindless, dead-eyed..."

"Hey, wait a minute..." Eren said, slightly shocked. "Sounds to me like you don't think they're all that dangerous?"

"Eh..." Hanaas replied.

"Great! Then at least have the decency to stop calling yourselves a Garrison! People might get the wrong idea!" Eren yelled in frustration.

"Good point." Hanaas laughed. "Look at it this way, eh? If the Garrison's actually doing what people think it oughta, then we're up a creek." He looked down at the two kids in front of him. "Personally, I take a lot of stock in being called a freeloader. Means things are good." He looked over his shoulder, "It's how I measure peace of mind."

Eren clenched his fist, my attention spiked, and I started preparing to stop him from punching Hanaas. "Good?" he asked, "We live in a cage. All we do is eat and sleep. That's it. End of story." My alert features softened. "We have the peace of mind of livestock."

Hanaas was silent, and though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was alarmed. His comrades laughed, "Man, you were right about the kid having fire." one said.

"Careful not to cry it out." The other teased. "You coming back to the game or what?"

"Uh, yeah.." Hanaas said, still slightly dazed. Mikasa and Eren started to walk away, and I slipped back into the streets and then onto the roof of a nearby workshop. 

I wandered around for a few more minutes before I heard the liberty bell ring and started sprinting towards the gate the lead outside. I felt the wind blow through my hair and smiled at the gentle reminder of where I was as I reached the gate. The bell ringed up until the moment the gate was fully opened, allowing the soldiers in green to enter. 

As I watched them file in, I winced at the drastic decrease in numbers and panicked for a moment before I found Levi, Hange, and Erwin all safe and sound. No matter what, those three were always somehow stubborn enough to stay alive. I mentally thanked them for it, but the relief of their survival had yet to outmatch the dread I felt at seeing the countless number of bodies in the back cart, along with all the faces I didn't see. 

"Moses!" I heard a woman yell, "Moses!" I looked over and saw an older woman running up to one of the scouts. I thought back to all the scouts I had ever encountered and spoken with, and an image flashed in my mind of a man I had spoken with two or three times. He had never treated me like a kid, more like a comrade. I didn't see him in the crowd. 

"I can't find him." She said to a scout she had stopped in front of. "Where is my son? He should be with you all. Please tell me he made it." 

The scout she grabbed on to spoke, "I wish I had better news." and I suddenly recognized him. He was Keith Shadis, former commander of the Scout Regiment, and Erwin Smith's predecessor. he looked at the bandaged scout next to him and said, "Give it to her." The woman was handed something wrapped in a cloth, which she looked down at, then back up at Keith. She widened her eyes, then quickly unwrapped the cloth and gasped with a sob as she saw her son's disembodied arm. "I'm sorry." he apologized, "It was all that was left of him." she fell to her knees, crying and clutching the arm. 

Keith knelt down to her as she asked, "He- He did good, yes? He was brave." he gasped lightly. "Tell me my son stood his ground to the bitter end, that his death meant something!" she cried, "Tell me his sacrifice gave us a better chance!" By now, everyone, even the scouts, had stopped moving. 

"He was brave!" Keith said to her, then his eyes lowered to the ground between them, "But, his sacrifice meant nothing. So with all our losses, it's ever the same." he clenched his jaw and cried out, "The day was lost! We have nothing! Your son died because of me. I sent him to his death! I sent all of them to their deaths, and there's nothing to show for it! All of it amounts to nothing!" 

Within a few minutes, the Scouts had cleared out, and people began to talk. I cleared out soon after. I couldn't bear to hear the bullshit everyone spewed about them. I wandered around aimlessly for a while until I heard voices and grunt as if someone has been shoved. I spun around quickly and searched for the source. I quickly noticed the usual three suspects surrounding Armin, one of them holding him to a wall. 

"Wheres the sacrilege now, huh? Or does your philosophy say it's wrong to fight back too?" The bully holding him to the wall taunted.

I was about to jump down and step in, but then Armin grabbed his arm "as a matter of fact, it does. I'd rather take a few lumps than brawl like a beast." I smiled at his way of fighting back. He had slowly grown from that scared little boy I had to save.

"Oh, so now I'm a beast?" the bully asked.

Armin answered without hesitation, "Take a good hard look at yourself and tell me you're not acting like one. You resort to violence because your brains the size of a walnut!" I grinned and nearly let out a laugh but kept quiet. "So pummel me all you want. I've already won!" 

The bullies weren't great at hiding their surprise, but the one holding my friend down bit back, "Yeah well you know what? I'm a sore loser!" he raised an arm to hit Armin before a voice echoed through the alley.

"Back off!" I heard Eren yell and internally groaned. I looked down the street and saw him sprinting towards them. The bullies grinned and chattered amongst themselves as they prepared to fight him, their words as cocky as they were idiotic. As I jumped down, I saw Mikasa behind him, and apparently so did the bullies because they started to panic before I kneed the one in the center in the back. "How's it going, Assholes?" 

He yelled out, and they all three simultaneously yelled out at the sight of all three of us surrounding them and started running off in the opposite direction. I knelt down next to Armin quickly as Eren approached, still looking past at the bullies. "Heh! That's all it takes, one look, I'm just that scary." 

"Well... two of you are..." Armin said strainingly as he tried to stand up and stumbled. I caught him and helped him up.

"Where'd they get you, Armin?" Eren asked, worried.

Armin looked at the three of us, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes before he stepped up on his own, "It's alright, thank you." 

Eren and I exchanged looks before the brunette said "Okay." and I loosened my protective grip around Armin. 

"Well, they just heard me rattling on about how mankind's future laid beyond the walls," Armin explained to us later, once he was feeling better. "I doubt they understood half of it, but still..." Armin said with a small smile.

"Idiots..." Eren grunted, throwing a stone into the river. 

I grinned, ignoring Eren, "They're just mad because you know what you're talking about." 

"Why's it gotta be this way?" the brunette continued, "Why can't people just let us dream?"

"The walls are a powerful idea." Armin said, "We've survived for a hundred years because of them. Noone's keen on tempting fate. I may not agree with that sentiment but I can see where they're coming from." He looked up at the angry boy, "It's human nature, Eren. When all is said and done, the government's policies are a reflection of our fear."

I gripped my arms tightly and pulled my knees closer to my chest than they already were. Fear, I understood. Eren always acted like he was too tough for it. "Yeah the rest of the herd's maybe, I say to hell with them!"

"Someone's gonna hear you." Mikasa reasoned. Her broken silence startled us slightly. "Keep it down."

"What do I care?" Eren argued, "You'll rat me out either way!"

"What...?" Armin asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows and asked, "Did something... happen?"

"I never promised you anything." Mikasa continued.

"Your folks know about the scouts?" Armin asked, putting two and two together along with me. 

"Basically..." Eren confirmed. "And they're not too pleased."

Armin sighed, and I snorted, "Shocker."

Things were silent for a moment before Armin said, "It's sad. What most people here are willing to settle for in exchange for some fleeting sense of security." I heard a boy's voice calling for his mother somewhere in the distance as Armin continued, "And make no mistake, it absolutely is fleeting. The walls can't hold forever. Only a matter of time."

I nodded, "Just another cage, with a different name..." I sighed, "And this one will break too." For a moment, everything was quiet. Things stood still. Even the wind that had been blowing all day seemed to come to a pause. 

Suddenly there was a crack and a flash of lightning. The force of it caused the four of us to go flying for a moment, all falling into different areas than we had been a moment before. As we stood up, Eren asked, "What was that?"

"I don't know," Armin responded.

"No clue," I said, rubbing my side where I had fallen. 

We heard a commotion and noticed a group of men running. I took one look and started running with Armin at my side. Eren called after us, but soon he and Mikasa were following. We got to a clearing where a large gathering of people was stood, and that's when I saw it for the first time. There was a giant hand holding on to the top of the wall, digging its fingers into the rock. I heard someone who I thought was Eren asking me questions, but I couldn't hear him over my heart thumping and my blood pumping in my ears. 

I snapped back into myself when I heard Armin's voice, "No. That's impossible. That wall is 50 meters high!" 

Then, soon after the hand, the most disgusting looking head peeked over the wall. Similar to the hand, it had no skin, showing all the muscles and bones holding it together. "That's... That's a Titan." I stuttered, "Oh my god..." The Titan tilted its head and put a second hand on the wall. For a moment, I thought it was looking down, until it kicked through the gate, sending buildings and people flying. I watched it retreat behind the wall again and I assumed it was kneeling down again, maybe to try and crawl through the hole? God, I hoped not. 

Armin fell to his knees, "It blasted a hole like it was kicking a rock..." That's when the first Titans started walking in. My heart beat faster in my chest by the second. I knew what to do against Titans, but I didn't have my ODM gear, leaving me as nothing but a scared, defenceless little girl. People started screaming, 'run for your lives!' and 'they've breached the wall!' 

Eren started rambling about his mom, and then he and Mikasa were gone, running in the direction of their house. "Eve!" I suddenly remembered. "I have to go get her!" I thought only later how badly it could have ended up, leaving Armin alone like that. But at the moment, I was thinking about nothing except helping the woman who had taken me in and treated me like family. I hopped up on a rooftop so I wouldn't have to run against the crowd. Another stupid decision, I know But, I didn't care! I just needed to get to her before...

I stopped running when I reached the store. There was a large hole in the roof, and Eve was screaming in the tight clutches of a 7-meter titan. "Eve!" I called out, tears beginning to run down my face at a faster rate. 

She stopped screaming and spun her head towards me. Her eyes widened, and instead of yelling for her own life, she began to yell at me "Alicia! Get the fuck out of here! Run! You can't save me, so go!" She continued screaming as I watched the titan place her into its mouth. 

I couldn't bear to watch anymore, and so I started listening to her and I started running as fast as my legs could carry me. So fast, I don't think I'll ever match that speed again without ODM gear equipped. When I couldn't see any Titans, I jumped to the ground, tucking into a roll so I wouldn't hurt myself, and started running again, this time towards where I knew the ferry would be. I ran and ran until one of the Garrison guards grabbed me and pushed me towards the last boat in the dock, where I climbed on and my legs almost immediately gave out. 

I sunk to the ground. My eyes were wet, soaked with tears I didn't want to fall. I replayed everything in my mind again. I replayed it and replayed it until I felt someone shaking me, "Hey, Alicia?" I looked up, and it was Armin. He was staring at me with such sad eyes. For the first time ever, I grabbed on to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him. For the first time in all my life, I let someone other than Levi see me cry. He sat beside me and held on while I cried softly into his shoulder. 

On that day in Shiganshina, I lost the closest thing to a normal life I had ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave Kudos or a Comment if you're enjoying the story so far.
> 
> Thank you FeatherSkin for the kind words and Kudos, it means a lot to me that you're enjoying this : )


	17. Everybody Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia, Mikasa, Armin, and Eren spend time in the Wall Maria refugee camps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Foul Language/Cursing, Mentions of Death, Minor/Background Character Death

They first appeared over a hundred years ago. Giant, Humanoid creatures with a taste for our blood. 

The brute strength of these apparations trumped an average person many times over. We were shoved to the brink of extinction, almost overnight. 

The survivors erected walls Maria, Rose, and Sina, withdrawing behind them in frightened huddles for what was to be a century of uneasy peace. 

And then...

~

After a while, I stopped crying, and Armin lead me to where his grandfather and himself had been seated. I didn't say anything, though. I couldn't. Armin stood up from his seat, and I looked over my shoulder at the crowd of people. "Armin." His grandfather said, "Best have a seat."

"I will." the blonde replied. "Just keeping an eye out for my other friends." he gazed through the mass of people for a moment longer before exclaiming, "There they are!" he almost called out to them, but then he stopped. I glanced at where he was staring and saw Eren and Mikasa walking close together. Eren had eyes that looked almost dead like he had just seen one of the most horrific sights of his life. I almost laughed; of course, he had. His mother wasn't with them. 

"Eren..." Armin muttered.

"I wouldn't try to call out just now." His grandfather confirmed, "Give them their space. God only knows what they've just seen."

"I.." my voice was scratchy, but I continued, "I have a pretty damn good idea." 

Pretty soon, the boat started to move and Armin sat back down. People screamed and cried as we started moving away. Some even tried to jump on, and a few got on but most fell in the water. As we were still pulling away I heard cannons firing on the other side of the wall, and Armin grabbed my hand. I looked over at him, and he was staring back at the wall with wide eyes. He was scared of what he knew was going on on the other side. I glanced around, caught sight of Eren and Mikasa on the same boat as us, and relaxed. They were okay. I slowly entwined my fingers with Armin's and squeezed. I desperately hoped, hell I damn near prayed that we were going to make it out okay.

I suddenly heard loud pounding noises, like Titan's footsteps. My eyes widened and I hoped and prayed again that it wasn't the giant titan we had seen earlier. The footsteps quickened, like running, and Armin squeezed my hand tighter. I squeezed back and started rubbing his hand with my thumb in a useless attempt to try and calm him down with a method that worked on me as a child. 

I heard what sounded like distant, frantic screams, and then there was a giant crash. I watched as the gate connecting Shiganshina to the rest of Wall Maria was smashed, making way for a 15-meter Titan in what looked like head to toe body armour. 

After a bit, Armin and I let go of each other and stood up to go see Eren and Mikasa. When we got to them, Eren was already up and walking to the side of the boat. "What's wrong?" Armin asked, "Do you see something?" Eren shoved him off and continued to the side of the boat. "Eren..."

The brunette clutched the side, tears spilling over his cheeks. "I'm gonna put a stop to this." he growled, "I'll kill them all." I looked at his face, and the anger and grief combined made him almost unbearable to see. "Every. Last. One." 

~  
Bad news travels fast. 

Hours after Shiganshina fell every man, woman, and child within the interior knew the unthinkable had come to pass. Terror spread like wildfire. 

In terrified haste, the central government declared the outlier districts a lost cause and decreed all mankind retreat behind Wall Rose. 

Estimates held that nearly 10,000 lives were lost to the Titan offensive. 

~

"I think this used to be where they stored all the dry goods." I heard a soft female voice and turned to look at her. "Now it's where they corralled the refugees." My spirits lifted slightly when I saw Eren and Mikasa walking towards me. I rubbed the fresh wound on my arm one last time before pushing off the wall I was leaning against and going to talk to them. The night before, I had used my blade to make a scar on my arm next to the ones already there. I would never forget Eve, and the kindness she showed me. I only wished I had some of her drawings with me. 

"I think you're right there, Mikasa," I confirmed, then smiled, "Good morning, you two."

"Good Morning," Mikasa responded with a nod.

"Morning, Alicia," Eren said, sleep still evident in his voice. 

We walked up to the edge of the short balcony and stared out at the mass of people. For the most part, everything was peaceful. Garrison members were handing out food, some people were crying, it was generally what you would expect from a refugee camp. Then, a fight broke out. "I don't think so, friend!" one man in the tussle yelled.

The other responded, "Give me a break, All I've had for two days is a mouldy bit of crust!"

"Not exactly a dignified existence.." Mikasa said softly.

"You said it." I sighed. All of this reminded me too much of when I was in the underground ward. Guess wherever you are, it can always end up like that, huh?

"Hey, guys!" I heard Armin's voice call out, and the three of us turned to him. He was carrying four bread rolls in his arms and running towards us. "Glad I caught you." Armin sighed in relief when he reached us, "Here. Grandpa scrounged a little extra by telling them he had kids."

"That was nice of him," Mikasa said as we all took a roll from the blonde boy. Alright, so not everything was like the Underground.

I felt someone watching us, and looked up to see a Garrison soldier scowling. When we saw him, he grunted and started to walk away. "What's his deal?" Eren said, slightly angry.

"Ignore him." I snapped almost immediately. I knew what was on Eren's mind. 

Armin nodded, "Right. There's a shortage, our man's probably hungry."

"We all are," I said, taking a bite out of my roll. "By the way," I said, swallowing and nodding towards the rolls. "I'd make these last. There was already famine going around before we got here. It's a bad situation, and this might be the most food you see for a while."

Eren looked down at his bread, and Armin nodded, "It's an ugly situation. That, and this far in there's a greater disparity between the haves and the have nots."

"Nothing more gratifying than seeing your rations go to animals." I heard the soldier from earlier say. "Guess we've gotta beef up the herd, though." He grinned and yelled to the others, "Eat up, the Titans like a little meat on their bones!" I almost reacted, but I had gotten used to insults like that when I was small and elected that it wasn't worth my time and energy to battle it out some random Garrison soldier. Besides, I had bigger things to worry about. 

Eren did not share my sentiments. He started angrily marching towards the soldier as soon as he was finished speaking. "Eren, wait!" Armin called out.

"Oughtta keep you in cages," he continued, "Shove ya onto the front lines as a buffer." As if he knew shit about the front lines. Eren kicked him in the shin, and he exclaimed "Ah, dammit!" I smiled lightly, it was something I had shown him. The soldier just grunted and yelled, "You picked the wrong man, asshole!" and punched Eren in the side of the face so hard he started swaying, and then the other soldier kicked him to the ground.

"Spineless cowards!" Eren cried out from the floor, "All of you! You don't... You don't know what it's like!" the soldiers looked at him in slight surprise. "You seen one?" he yelled, "You seen what they can do?"

The soldier growled, "You little piece of.." he started stepping towards Eren, but I jumped in between them.

"Hey, Hey, Hey, calm down." I said, "Noone wants to start a fight." I nodded towards the brunette on the floor, "My friend here has always been feisty, but he's been on edge lately. Hungry, Sad... he needed an outlet. Cut him some slack, won't you?" 

The soldier clenched his jaw and looked around, "Yeah, well... keep in mind who's giving up their share so you can eat. In case you haven't noticed, we're all hungry." My tense stance fell, "Tell your buddy a little gratitude goes a long way!"

"Sure thing!" I called out, then turned back to my friends and muttered, "Asshole." 

"Bastard.." Eren mumbled as well, "I'm not about to show gratitude to a coward." Once we got Eren back on his feet and to the balcony, he said, "I can't do this. I'm going back to Wall Maria. The Titans have to pay for what they've done to us." 

"Hey now," Armin smiled lightly, "You're not serious that's your stomach talking."

"No, it's not!" Eren exclaimed. "Wake up! The guys standing between us and them are just a bunch of talk." He picked up his roll in an angry haze, "To hell with all of them. Here!" he threw the bread at Armin. 

"What are you trying to do, starve?" Armin asked, frantically catching the roll. 

"When are you going to get sick of their charity?" Eren continued, "Too much is handed to us! We have to stand on our own two feet."

"And do what? Get killed by a Titan?!' Armin shouted. "I know I used to think our future was beyond the walls, but it's like you told that man; I'd never seen what they can do to us!" 

"So that's it? This is just the way life is?!" Eren shouted back. "Run away and take what we're given?!" 

"Look at us! What choice do we have here?!"

"We can damn well leave! If you want to scrape by on the charity of cowards, that's your thing, but I'm not a parasite!" 

All of a sudden, Mikasa and I moved at once. She hit Eren in the side of the head, and I kicked his legs out from under him. "Mikasa... Alicia..." Armin muttered. 

We all looked down at Eren on the floor, and the other girl spoke up, "Have you looked in the mirror lately? All of us are parasites. We couldn't run from certain death without help. Tell me differently. Don't take your shortcomings out on him." 

"For god's sake, Eren, we can't even find food on our own!" I cut in, "We ARE parasites. We ARE cowards! Titans are on top of the food chain." I grit my teeth, "I've been in situations... places like this before and let me tell you, pride be damned, you do what you must to live." Eren's eyes widened at our words, but Mikasa wasn't finished. 

"Your mom didn't ask us to be brave." She stepped towards him and shoved a roll into his mouth.

"Mikasa!" Armin said in shock.

"Eat it," Mikasa said, holding the bread in place despite Eren's struggling. "She asked us to stay alive. I'm not about to let her down." 

~

The following week, I left for the Scout base in Wall Rose, a shorter trip than it was before. When I arrived, Hange was pacing by the entrance, with Levi leaned against a wall near them. When the two of them saw me, Levi pulled me in for one of our rare hugs, and I reciprocated it. Almost as soon as I pulled away from my brother, I was being picked up by Hange. The two of them expressed how worried they were, both in their own ways, but I knew they were equally concerned. 

During that visit, I spent a lot of time talking to Levi about what happened to Eve and everything that I saw during the breach. I also talked to Hange about what I saw. I was the first person they'd spoken to who had been in Shiganshina when it happened. I described the giant Titan that kicked a hole in the outer gate, and the smaller more armoured one that rammed in the interior gate. 

That visit was also the first time that I used real Titan killing blades. I had been preparing for about a year with the wooden ones, and now I was finally deemed ready. It took me a total of two attempts before I was able to slice the necks of all seven dummy Titans in my path. During the first attempt, I froze up midair while going to slice the one 'Titan's neck, and ended up missing it. All I could see was the Titan that killed 

The morning of the day I was to return to the Wall Maria refugee camps, I had a meeting with Hange, Levi, and Erwin. "I can't come as often as I used to." I declared.

"Oh?" Erwin replied, "How come?"

I took a deep breath in and released it. "I... I just can't, alright?"

"Alicia, we need a reason if we're to change the schedule," Hange spoke up.

I sighed, "Alright." and began my explanation, "I have three friends back at the camps, and I need to take care of them."

"What, the brats don't have anyone else to help out?" Levi asked, slightly annoyed.

I clenched my jaw in uncertainty, before taking a deep breath in and out again. "The one has a good head on his shoulders, but he can't defend himself for shit. Another is smart and skilled in combat, but she's never had any experience in situations like this. The last one... let's just say he's a hothead. We've been in the camps for two to three weeks tops and he's already picked four fights with Garrison soldiers alone."

"Don't they have anyone else who can look out for them?" Erwin asked, his eyebrows furrowed. 

I bit my lip and looked down, "The first one's parents disappeared when we were eight, the second's parents were murdered when we were nine, the third's mother was killed during the breach, and his father is still missing." I looked up again, "That leaves the first one's grandfather, and..." I sighed, "I hate to say it, but he's old. I'm not sure how much longer he can last in the conditions we're in." 

Erwin sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his stomach. He looked lost in thought for a moment, before saying, "5 days, every 4 months." he looked me in the eyes, "Your asking for a different schedule works out for us. We're being granted permissions for more Expeditions, and we'll have more time to go on them if we aren't worried about you as often. I'd still like you to send a letter once a month to Hange, Levi, or myself as a check-in measure. If we don't receive a letter, I'll send someone to the camps to look for you. Understood?"

I nodded, relieved, and said, "Understood."

He nodded in return, "Now, before you leave this afternoon grab a bag and head down to the pantry." he glanced Hange's way, "We wouldn't want her starving down there, would we?"

They grinned, "No we wouldn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might post a second chapter today, and another one tomorrow, I had a lot of time to write, and was very excited about the next few chapters. Thank you for all the comments I've been getting recently, they're so sweet :')
> 
> If you'd like more context on why the chapter is called 'Everybody Knows' listen to The Song, 'Everybody Knows' by Sigrid. Some chapter names are based off lyrics or names because I listen to music while I write.


	18. Capable Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia and her friends reach an important decision. While at the Scout Regiment base, Alicia makes a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one might mess with some peoples emotions, depending on how attached they were to certain characters.
> 
> Warning(s): Foul Language/Cursing, Mentions of Possible Death (Which is not played out.)

When I returned to the camps, my three friends were waiting for me. "Alicia! You're back!" Armin grinned.

"What's in the bag?" Eren asked.

I held up a hand to signal them to quiet down and glanced around at all the people. "Not here. Let's head into the warehouse. It should be quiet there this time of day." The other three nodded, slightly concerned as they followed me inside. 

When we got inside, only to see no one, Eren asked again, "So what's in the bag?"

I smiled, "Well, It's not much, and I'd prefer if we spread it out over the full four months until I can get more, but..." I opened the bag to reveal all the food I managed to fit (With assistance from Hange), "If it means even four more people can get food because we aren't taking any, It will be worth it." I smiled. 

Their eyes widened, and we all unpacked the food I had gathered. There was bread, apples, a few cookies (Hange's idea. I swear, they're still a child.) and most excitingly, four thin slices of meat. 

"Oh my god... Alicia, where did you get this?" Armin asked.

I shrugged, "There are people who'd prefer it if I don't starve, and luckily for you guys, I convinced them to let me take some for you as well."

Mikasa smiled, "Thank you."

"We're going to feast like kings!" Eren joked, eliciting a laugh from all four of us. It was nice to laugh with them like that again. If only just for a few minutes. 

~

A few days later, throngs of starved refugees were put to plow in the wastelands as a last-ditch effort to raise food. But the cold, hard ground yielded nothing. 

The following year, the remaining refugees old enough to serve in the military were tasked with reclaiming Wall Maria. Of the 250,000 sent, merely 20% of the surviving population, not even 200 made it back. 

While it did nothing to drive back the Titans, their sacrifice did, at least, lessen the effects of famine within the interior. 

~

The four of us had found a secluded location inside the camps. Mikasa and Eren stood nearby while I sat next to Armin, an arm over his shoulders. He cried for his grandfather, who had been one of the 250,000 slaughtered by the Titans. The boy clutched his grandfather's hat close to his chest as he wept into it. 

"We have to find a way to stop them," Eren said, cutting through the silence. "Our lives will never be our own until we do. This world will never feel like home." He fell to the ground on the other side of Armin. "That's it. Next year I'll be applying to join the Cadets. To become strong enough to fight back."

The others were quiet, so I decided to speak, "I was already planning on it, myself. Have been for a while." 

Armin sighed lightly before saying, "I'm with you."

"You don't have to." Eren protested, but Armin cut him off.

"I do!" He exclaimed. 

It was quiet for a moment before Mikasa spoke up, "So do I." 

"Guys." I said, "Think about this for a moment.." 

"Look, I'm not trying to drag you in!" Eren exclaimed. "There's no point in following me to my death."

"Yeah, and if I can help it, it won't be your death." Mikasa shot back. 

I stood up, "Alright, together then." I smiled at my friends, "I might sound a little selfish, but I'm glad I won't be doing this on my own.

And I really was. I'm not sure for exactly how long my fear of joining the Cadets and eventually the Scouts had been shrinking, but on that day? I truly knew it was gone.

~

Two months later, I was on my regularly scheduled visit to the Scout Regiment base (I had two more before I was to join the Cadets). I was running through the halls, on my way to the training course when I was stopped by three scouts. One girl with shoulder-length strawberry blonde hair, a guy with brown hair, and a guy with a blonde undercut. "Whow, Whow, Whow, what are you doing here?" the brunette asked, grabbing me by the arm. 

I rolled my eyes, "I have somewhere to be if you'll let go."

"Yeah, okay, what's a kid like you got to do in a Scout Regiment base?" the blonde with the undercut asked. 

I scrunched my eyebrows, "Are you guys new recruits?" I asked, "I've never seen you around." I shook my head, "Ugh, nevermind! Could you let the hell go of me?"

"You're not answering our question." The guy holding my arm said, gripping tighter. 

I growled and used my free arm to reach into my belt and pull out my knife, pointing it at him, "I said; Let. Me. Go."

"Hey, no need to get violent." the blonde girl cut in, shoving the guy off of me. I pulled my arm back and tucked my blade away. "She says she has somewhere to be, I believe her." She chuckled lightly, "Besides, she seems pretty damn persistent." 

"Thank you," I said. I almost continued running but paused for a moment. "What's your name?"

She smiled at me, "Petra Ral. You?"

"Alicia." and with that, I was off. Later that day, after I was done with my training, I mentioned the encounter to Levi. "Seriously, someone needs to tell the new ones that I'm SUPPOSED to be here," I said. 

"Well, it's not like you'll be here for much longer." Levi responded, "Soon, you'll be in the Cadets. Good luck with that shit hole. I've heard it can be hell."

I chuckled, "Yeah, I'm preparing myself." I perked up a bit, "Oh, but I won't be alone there! My friends Eren, Armin, and Mikasa are all joining the Cadets as well."

"Hm? Really?" he narrowed his eyes at me, "You force them or something?"

"Never." 

The next day I was running through the halls again. This time, it was Petra who grabbed my arm. "Alright, I let you go yesterday, but now you've piqued my interest. What are you doing?"

I looked her up and down. She really seemed interested. I hummed lightly before smiling. "Alright, fine. Follow me." In my opinion, she was way too trusting to follow me without any more questions. But I was a kid, and I guess that made me seem less threatening or something.

When we reached where Hange, Moblit, and Levi were already waiting for me, the taller scout called out, "Alicia! Who's this?"

I nodded to her, "She helped me out yesterday, told Levi about her."

The scout grinned, "Nice to meet you. I'm Section Commander Hange Zoe, this is one of my Squad members Moblit Berner, and that," they pointed over to my brother, who wasn't saying anything, "is Captain Levi of the Special Operations Squad." 

Petra sputtered a bit but smiled, "I-I'm Petra Ral. I'm a recruit, only been on one expedition so far."

Moblit smiled sadly and spoke up, "Lots of recruits don't even make it that far. You must be alright." 

"I guess," she said, shrugging. "So, uh, what exactly are you guys doing here? Sorry if it sounds rude, but I've never heard of a kid hanging around with the Scouts."

Hange looked at me, "You brought her here, but you didn't tell her why?" I grinned sheepishly, and they sighed, "Just get in your gear already."

"On it," I said and started pulling on my harness and ODM gear. 

Petra watched intently as I equipped the gear, "Wait.. she's going to use ODM gear? And Titan Killing Blades?"

I turned to look at her once I was done, "Yup!" I clipped the blades to my triggers, and then I was off. I launched into the air and towards the first target, slicing the blade over the area representing the nape, cutting out just deep enough to have killed it. I repeated this process 6 more times before latching on to a tree near the area where the others were standing. I used the cord to pull myself the rest of the way back, then attached the other anchor to a parallel tree. I let myself fall until I was just barely about to hang as I used to in the underground, before releasing both anchors and rolling to the ground like I had that day in Shiganshina. 

I pushed up to my feet and grinned at Hange, throwing my hands (still clutching the triggers) in the air, "No mistakes! Hell yes!"

They grinned back at me, and Levi nodded, "Guess all that extra preparation Erwin made us put you through paid off."

I smiled, "Guess so." then turned to Petra, "What did you think, huh? Was it worth letting me go?"

Petra grinned, still slightly shocked, "Oh definitely yes."

~

When I got off the ferry at the dock nearest the Scout Regiment base in Wall Rose for the last time before joining the Cadets, it wasn't Hange or Levi waiting for me. It was Petra.

I waved at Petra, catching her attention before she ran over and picked me up in a hug. I was surprised but slowly returned the gesture by loosely wrapping my arms around her. "What's this all about?" I nervously laughed as she set me back down on the ground. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to see her. I mean, ever since moving to the refugee camps, I couldn't watch the Scouts come in anymore. I knew they had been on three more expeditions in the past four months, and not knowing if any of the people I cared about were alright terrified me. I couldn't exactly get mail in the camps. Sending a letter each month was difficult enough, and getting a letter to a refugee (especially a kid with no last name) would be a nightmare. 

Petra grinned down at me, easing any worries I had, "Well when I heard you were coming back, I insisted with Hange and your brother that I was the one to fetch you." she punched me lightly in the arm, "You did get me into the Special Operations Squad after all."

My eyes widened, "What?!" 

Petra nodded as we started walking, "Yup! About a month ago, after my third expedition, Levi requested that I was placed in his squad." she gave me a small smile, "Not sure if I would have gotten in had you not introduced me to him."

"This is incredible!" I exclaimed, running a hand through my hair. Later that day, when Levi showed up in my room (At this point, we had made it tradition for him to stop by for a talk on my first night back.) I asked him about his request for Petra to join his squad.

"She's been with the scouts five months." Levi began, "At four months, she had one Titan kill and eight assists. I'm also considering requesting her friend, Oulo. They were in the same batch of Cadets, and he's already got three kills. I did some digging after you introduced her, and everyone who's worked alongside her so far says she's an incredibly capable soldier with a heart of gold."

"That's sappy."

"I know," Levi snorted, "But that's beside the point. I need the squad to get along, and you've already forged a bond with her."

I raised an eyebrow skeptically, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He nudged me with his shoulder, "As soon as you come back from your first expedition, I'm filing a request for you to join my squad." 

My eyes widened in shock, "What?"

"Oh come on, don't act so surprised." He rolled his eyes, "You're already a skilled soldier at age eleven, and I want you on my squad as soon as possible."

We were silent for a moment before I quietly leaned on him and said, cheekily, "I'm almost twelve, you know. Only three months away."

He chuckled, "Jeez, you're growing up fast."

~

It was the last day of my visit, and I was flying through the air in my ODM gear, slicing away at the dummy Titan necks. On the ground, watching me, were six people. The four I was aware of were Levi, Hange, Moblit, and Petra. 

Meanwhile, merely meters away, two men I wasn't aware of were having a conversation. "Your Scouts practice using ODM gear while not out in the field?" The elder of the two asked. 

The blonde man next to him smiled, "Sometimes, yes. But not often. Though, if I'm correct, that's Alicia up there." he glanced at the other man, "She's especially skilled if you'd like to take a look? I'm sure no one will mind."

"Alright then, Erwin." Commander Pixis smiled, "Show me what your soldiers are capable of."

I finished off the last dummy Titan in the course and landed on the ground with a move similar to what I had shown Armin the day we met Mikasa. "God damn!" Hange exclaimed, "Those Cadets won't know what hit them! You'll be top of the class, I guarantee it."

I groaned, "Could you quit reminding me that I'll be joining the Cadets soon? I won't be seeing anyone outside the Cadets in my core for a solid three years."

"Sounds Exhausting." Levi piped up.

"That's one word for it," Petra said, sighing.

"It won't be that horrible." I heard a voice from my left, and we all quickly turned to look. "At least, not how I remember it."

"Commander Erwin!" Moblit exclaimed, and the five of us almost simultaneously saluted. 

Erwin waved us off, and we fell back at ease. "This is Commander Dot Pixis of the Garrison Regiment." 

Pixis gazed at me in the ODM gear and then at Erwin, "One of your skilled soldiers is a child?" My face grew hot, and I felt embarrassed. Noone outside the Scouts and people in the underground had ever known I could maneuver the gear, and it felt strange.

Erwin shook his head, "I said she was skilled. I said nothing about her being a soldier. She's the younger sister of Squad Captain Levi and happens to be very talented with ODM gear." He looked at me, "Although, she will be joining our ranks when she graduates from the Cadets."

I nodded, "That's correct."

Pixis looked at me again, but this time, he smiled. "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you... Alicia, was it?"

I nodded again, "Yes, sir." 

"Well, Alicia," he maintained his smile, "Would you mind giving the course another go? I'm afraid I didn't see it properly the first time."

"She doesn't mind at all!" Hange said, grinning.

I sighed and smiled at them. "Certainly." and then I was off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One: Thank you again for all the kind words in the comments, they mean so much to me :)
> 
> Two: i was trying to find a way to not awkwardly mention the fact that Petra pissed her pants on her first expedition, but I gave up and decided it was a small enough detail that I could leave it out.


	19. Welcome to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia starts her three years as a Cadet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Foul Language/Cursing (Little bit more than usual, I started feeling Alicia's pain after a while.)

"Straighten those spines, piss heads! The 104th Cadet Core Boot Camp starts now!" We were all sectioned into columns and rows. I wasn't able to see them without moving my head, but I knew Armin, Eren, and Mikasa were next to me. I thanked everything that we got into the same Cadet Core. "Allow me to introduce myself! I'm Commandant Keith Shadis, and you will grow to hate me! Training is going to be a white knuckle ride through hell! If I've done my job, you'll be waking up in a cold sweat from memories of this place, every night for the rest of your miserable lives!" He shouted. "Right now you're nothing. Livestock. But over the next three soul-crushing years, you'll learn to take down your own Goliath. Remember this moment when you come face to face with it. 'Cuz here's where you ask yourself; Am I a fighter? Or am I feed? Am I gonna be ground up to pulpy human grits between boulder-sized Incizers?! Or am I going to be the one to bite?!"

'No.' I thought 'I know exactly where I'll be fighting.'

I was wrong. I had no idea. 

~

"Hey, Mop-Top!" the Commandant called out.

"Sir!" Armin replied, saluting.

"What do they call you, Maggot?"

"Armin Arlert, From Shiganshina, Sir!"

"Wow, Seriously? Why would your parents curse you with such a dumb name?" he insulted. I tensed but ignored it.

"It was my Grandfather's, sir!"

"Cadet Arlert, why is a runt like you here?!"

"To help Humanity overcome the Titans!" Armin yelled, his voice cracking.

"That is delightful to hear! You're gonna be a great light snack for them." He grabbed Armin and turned him around, mumbling something I couldn't make out, then moving on. He then approached another boy with lighter blonde hair. "What do you call yourself?"

"Sir! My name is Thomas Wagner. I'm from the Trost District."

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" The Commandant yelled in his face.

"I'm from Trost, sir!" I zoned out a bit, quickly getting tired of his games. I knew their purpose, and I knew why all this was important, but I couldn't wait until we could stop messing around. I made a point of listening for everyone's names and where they were from, though, just for the sake of convenience. 

"Mina Carolina! From Calaneth District!" exclaimed a girl with short, curled black hair. 

"Is a pathetic worm like you the best Calaneth has to offer?!"

"Sir! I'm afraid that's the case, sir!" she squirmed. He pestered her more, then he moved on. He interrogated some more cadets, and that's when I started noticing the people he was passing; Eren, Mikasa, a girl with blonde hair, a tall boy with pitch-black hair, a burly looking guy with blonde hair, a girl with freckles, and myself. I wasn't sure what about us it was, but I could take a few wild guesses.

"And what do we have over here?!" he asked. He was standing in front of a boy with light brownish-pink hair in an undercut. 

"Jean Kirstein! From the Trost District!"

"And why are you here, Cadet?"

He hesitated for a moment, before saying "To join the Military Police, sir. The best of the best."

"That's nice. You wanna live in the interior, do ya?" 

"Yes." he smiled. Honest. A lot of people were probably here for the same reason. That doesn't mean I liked him any more than the other 'Military Police candidates'. 

Milliseconds later, he was head-butted by the Commandant and fell to the ground. "Who told you to sit, recruit?! If you can't handle this, Kirstein, then forget about joining the Military Police!" He continued down the line, "What the hell is wrong with your face, you smiling idiot?!"

I glanced over to see a boy with a black undercut and freckles, grinning in a salute, "Marco Bott, at your service sir, from Jinae, Southside of Wall Rose! I aim to join the Military Police and give life and limb in service to the King!" 

I knew the speech he was about to get. I just knew it. He wasn't from any big cities and maybe didn't know about all the bullshit the MPs put people like me through. But, he had good intentions and could make a good soldier. I pitied him. 

"Well then." The Commandant said, noticeably calmer. "That makes you an idealistic fool and a rube." he stepped closer, into Marco's face, "You want the truth? The only use the King has for your life and limbs are as Titan fodder."

Marco stood in shock as Commandant Shadis moved on. I wanted to say something to him, but I couldn't start things on a bad note with the commandant. I knew all the shit Shadis could say about me, and it terrified me. But, he had elected to ignore me, and I was grateful. 

"You're up next, Cubone!" he stepped up to a boy with a head nearly shaved down all the way. 

"Oh, me?" he said, slightly surprised, but he immediately put up a salute... the wrong way. "Sir! Connie Springer from Ragako village!"

The commandant grabbed Connie by his head and lifted him off the ground, "You have it backwards, Connie Springer. That was the first thing you were taught. The salute represents the resolve in your heart to fight. Is your heart on your right side?!" he yelled. 

That's when it happened. There was a loud crunch, and all of us who could looked to find the source of the noise. We watched, horrified, as a girl with dark red-brown hair pulled into a loose ponytail ate a god damn potato. Commandant Shadis dropped Connie to the ground, not giving him a second look. "Hey, you there..." he said, looking at the girl. "What do you think you're doing?"

She looked from side to side, innocently, before taking another. bite. of this. god. damn. Potato. "You're officially on my shit list!" the Commandant yelled in her face, "Just who in the hell are you?!" I was also very intrigued as to who this girl was. 

She swallowed and held the hand still holding the potato in a salute. "Sasha Blouse from Dauper village at your service. Reporting for duty, sir!" 

"Sasha Blouse, huh?" The commandant said, livid. "and what is that you're clutching in your right hand?"

"A steamed potato! It sat there in the mess hall begging to be eaten, sir!"

"The theft? I understand. But here? Why eat it here of all places?" I never really cursed that strongly. Even Levi tended to stray away from harsher language. But this girl? She was royally fucked.

"It looked quite delicious," She said, maintaining her forced monotone appearance. "and it was getting cold. So I gave it shelter in my stomach, sir."

"Why? I can't comprehend. Why would you eat that potato?" At this point, almost everyone had in some way turned so they could see what was going on.

Sasha furrowed her brows, "Are you asking me why people eat potatoes? I'm surprised you don't know, sir." Mental note: avoid interactions with Sasha Blouse as much as possible. "Here sir, have half," she said, breaking off part of the potato and holding it out to Commandant Shadis. 

"Have half? Really?" the Commandant said, taking the food from her. I think he was more shocked than any of us. 

Sasha was not treated too kindly for this incident. 

~

Later that day, I stood on the porch of the dining area with Armin, Eren, and a few other Cadets. "Man, I thought Shadis was gonna kill Potato girl." one of the others said as we watched her run. I think it was the one named Connie who had his salute wrong.

"I know, one hell of a first day," Eren replied. "It's funny. Being told to run 'til the sun sets didn't seem to bother her nearly as much as losing meal privileges the next five days."

"I think she said she's from Dauper." Connie chimed in once again. "If I remember right that's a small hunting village up in the mountains." 

"What's that?" Eren asked, and we turned to look at a caravan riding away from us.

"They're dropouts." the only other girl replied (Mina, I think?). "They'd prefer to work in the fields."

"But... It's only the first day?" Armin asked. 

"That's the way it is," Eren said, "Can't handle the pressure, you gotta leave." Connie and the other boy (This one, I was certain was Marco.) turned to look at him. "I can't believe anyone would rather pull plants than fight."

"Oh please," I said, jokingly, "Any other time in your life and you would have been out of here in a week." 

Armin chuckled with me, and Eren playfully shoved my shoulder. Suddenly, Marco stood up. "I know about some of us, but you two never mentioned where you were from." he directed at myself and Eren. I tensed up, and Armin placed a hand on my shoulder, giving a nod to Eren. I was grateful they remembered.

~

Two Months Earlier:

I sighed, "Listen, guys. We need to talk about something."

"Sure," Armin replied, "What's going on?"

"I..." I trailed off, looking for the right words. "I'm not good at... making friends?" I looked at them awkwardly, "I know, it's stupid, but in all honestly the three of you were a fluke. When the time comes and we're in the Cadets, I might struggle to interact with people other than you three." I rubbed the three healed scars on my arm slowly, before Eren spoke up.

"That's fine." he grinned, "I'm sure we can manage. Besides, maybe we can even help you." Mikasa nodded in agreement.

I smiled lightly and muttered, "Thank you."

~

"Same as Armin." Eren grinned at the both of us, putting his hand on Armin's shoulder, "We're from Shiganshina."

The other three were quiet for a moment before Marco started, "Oh, wow... that means..."

"You saw it." Connie butted in, "You were there that day!"

"Quiet!" Marco said, trying to be considerate. I mentally thanked him for that.

"The Colossal one," Connie exclaimed, ignoring the other boy, "Did you see him?!"

"Yeah.." Eren said, staring off into space, "Yeah, I did."

~

About half an hour later, was when I first discovered that Connie Springer couldn't keep his mouth shut for shit. I was sitting with Armin on my right and Mikasa on my left. Eren was seated at his own table, a circle of people surrounding him. "Yeah, okay? I saw the big guy." There were exclamations of surprise and awe from the mini crowd, and I rolled my eyes. 

"Whow, seriously?"

"Okay, exactly how tall was he?" 

"He stuck his head over the outer wall." He said, almost bored. 

Some people gasped. One guy said, "Oh wait, I heard he stepped over the wall completely!"

"So did I!"

"That was the rumour in my village too!"

"Nah, he was big, but not that big," Eren replied nonchalantly.

"So what did it look like?" Mina asked.

"It had a mouth like a corpse," Eren said, turning his head to look at her. "and no skin just muscles."

"And the Armoured Titan? The one that broke through Wall Maria?" another guy asked. 

I snorted and muttered, "They have a name for it now?" as I bumped my shoulder with Mikasa, who smiled lightly back. 

"Is that what they're calling it?" Eren asked, sharing our sentiment. "In all the panic it was just another Titan to me." 

"No way... So, what were they like?" 

Eren stopped and gasped lightly. He stared at the spoon, halfway to his mouth, staying silent. Then, he dropped his spoon back into the soup he had been eating and slapped a hand over his mouth. Everyone stared, shocked into silence. 

Eventually, Marco scolded the others, "Come on, that's enough questions, alright? I'm sure he'd rather not relive everything he went through."

Connie immediately reacted, "Sorry. We didn't mean to-"

"It's not like that." Eren cut him off. 

I furrowed my eyebrows and muttered so only Armin and Mikasa could hear me, "Oh no,"

The others showed slight shock as he continued to eat, "Those stupid Titans. They're really not that big a deal."

"Eren you damn Hypocrite..." I muttered and Mikasa nodded next to me. Armin gave me a questioning look, but I shook my head and rested my chin in my hand.

"If we focus on mastering the Omni-Directional Mobility gear they give us, then it's Titan payback time. I've waited years to be trained as a soldier. All of a sudden the reality is sinking in. I'm joining the Scout Regiment, then I'm sending the Titans back to hell. I'm gonna butcher them all."

"Hey, are you crazy or something?" A voice from outside Eren's little crowd said. I looked over to the voice and saw Jean Kirstein looking at Eren with a smug grin on his face. 

"This 'oughtta be good," Armin said softly, and I hummed in agreement. 

"Not that it's my business, but signing up for reconnaissance is like a death sentence." Jean continued. I tensed but ignored it for what felt like the millionth time today. If I got into a fight on my first day, Hange would have my head. 

"I guess we'll see," Eren said. He was calm on the outside, but in all the years I'd known this boy... If things escalated, there's no way Eren would ever back down. "Or at least I will. You seem content hiding in the interior with the MPs."

"Look, I'm just speaking honestly here, kid." Oh, he did not just- "I think it's better than being some loud-mouthed bragger tough guy wannabe pretending he's not as piss scared as the rest of us."

I pushed down until my head was resting in my folded arms, "Eren's gonna slaughter him."

No sooner had I finished speaking than I had finished speaking did I hear a commotion, and looked up to see Eren standing, "Are you trying to pick a fight?"

"Stop it, you guys..." Marco said, helplessly trying to mediate. 

"Alright sure," Jean said, ignoring Marco and standing up to meet Eren, "Makes no difference to me." They walked up to one another until they were face to face, but before anything could happen, I heard a bell ring in the distance, signalling our dismissal. To my surprise, Jean sighed, "Hey, I apologize. Sorry for calling you names and dismissing your choice of career." he stuck his hand in the air, "Put her there, kid, what do you say?"

Oh, more surprises! "Yeah, I'm sorry as well," Eren said and hit his hand in acknowledgement. 

Eren started to walk out, and Mikasa looked like she wanted to follow, so I encouraged, "Hey, go after him. Armin and I will catch up later." she nodded and stood up, following Eren out the door. I watched, amused, as Jean fumbled when he saw her and followed her out the door as well. 

I hummed and sighed as Armin bumped our shoulders together, "I'm surprised Eren didn't sock him just for calling him a kid." he said, making me chuckle lightly.

"Looks like he's learning self-restraint." I glanced at Armin and grinned, "Maybe this really is Hell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am obsessed with the idea of that whole scene with Jean and Eren going down with Mikasa and Armin just sitting there giving commentary amongst themselves, and this is my projection of that.


	20. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Aptitude test is easy! Except for Eren Jaeger...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Foul Language/Cursing, Intention to Harm

"It's just an aptitude test, Alicia." I muttered to myself as I slipped on and buckled my harness with ease, "You've done this a thousand times."

"Hey, Alicia, right? Could you give me a hand?" I nearly jumped when I heard a voice from behind me, but spun around and relaxed when I saw who it was. "Sorry for startling you!"

"Jeez." I shook my head, "It's fine. Yes, I'm Alicia, you're Marco Bott?" He nodded with a smile, "What did you need help with?"

"Oh uh, I'm sorta struggling with the harness, and I don't really know how, but you seem to have it down to an art form." He rubbed the back of his neck, "Would you mind helping me out?"

I nodded and removed my harness before showing him step by step how to equip it. Other than Mikasa, Armin, and Eren, Marco was soon my first friend in the Cadets.

~

"It's Aptitude test time, so listen up! There is no place for you here if you cannot perform! Fail, and get shipped to the fields!" I shuddered at his words, even though I knew they wouldn't apply to me, but as I gazed at the contraptions laid out before me... I realized they would be a lot easier to handle than what I was used to. Sure, it was the same hanging maneuver that I used to do in the caves, but half of the challenge back them was positioning the cords correctly. Here, the cords were already set up and you don't even have any actual gear on. Easy peasy. 

I latched myself on and gave a thumbs up to the person pulling the ropes. They nodded, tugged, and suddenly I was hanging in the air naturally. It almost felt unfair that I had such an advantage, but I glanced around at my fellow cadets and smiled to see a group of them doing fairly well (Mikasa and Armin included.) I was smiling until I saw Eren. He was hanging upside down, the commandant yelling in his face, and a group of our comrades laughing at him. Goddammit.

~

"Just remember the basics and you should be fine. No need to try any fancy maneuvers." Mikasa said while I nodded along. She, Armin, and I were outside helping Eren figure out what he was doing wrong with the Aptitude test.

"Try to focus on your balance." I added, "Distribute your weight evenly between the belts on your waist and your legs."

"Loosen up your stance a little," Armin chimed in, "If I can do it, I know that you can!" 

"Okay... A loose stance but balanced." Eren muttered, "Let's give it a shot Armin."

Armin nodded and started turning the crank to elevate Eren. I watched as the brunette slowly lifted off the ground until his feet finally lifted off. Almost immediately, he started falling forward with a yell and slammed his head on the ground so hard I thought I heard a faint crack. The three of us jumped into action immediately. Mikasa and I unclipped him and dragged him to his feet while Armin ran to alert the medics. 

~

"He was talking big about butchering all the Titans, but he got real quiet after ODM training, didn't he?" I heard a guy say from a table over.

I grabbed Armin's shoulder and squeezed, "If he opens his mouth again I'm gonna stab him."

Armin shook his head, "No, you're not. Besides, what would you use?" 

"You know me well enough by now."

He furrowed his eyebrows and glanced down at my waist, where my hand was pulling my shirt tighter. He looked back up at his food, "Oh. I guess that would do it."

"I guess it's the fields for him tomorrow. Can't keep wasting food on the useless." That was it. I removed my hand from Armin's shoulder and was about to stand up until I heard a slap and looked to see Mikasa's hand gripped tightly on Eren's shoulder. 

"Eren," Mikasa said calmly as Eren cried out in pain. 

"Worrying," Armin started then glanced at me, "Or stabbing, won't solve a thing. There's still time to get some practice in come morning."

Eren grunted, "How pathetic. How am I supposed to kill them if I can't even stand up straight?"

"It might be time to let that dream die," Mikasa said.

The three of us let out surprised noises and Eren asked, "What do you mean?"

"I think you should give up this attempt to be a soldier. There's a lot more to fighting and combat than just throwing your life away in vain." She replied, her monotone expression not wavering. 

"What are you saying?" Eren asked, still perplexed. "After everything, we saw that day? After what happened to my mom?! You're crazy if you think I'm just gonna walk away."

"I get it. But it doesn't matter how determined you are,"

"Wait, what do you mean?"

Mikasa looked up at him, "Because whether or not you're fit to be a soldier isn't up to you." Eren tensed as we heard the bell ring, and stood up.

"Let's go, Armin. You too, Alicia." 

"Oh." Armin said, "Okay." 

I nodded, "Alright." but as we walked away, I caught a portion of what Mikasa was saying. If Eren was kicked out and sent to the fields, she would go too. I sort of saw that coming, but what would Armin do? If he did follow them to the fields as well, then there would be no one left with me in the Cadets. I wouldn't even be able to explain why they had to leave me behind. I would be left behind yet again, except this time the people abandoning me would be alive and leaving of their own free will. 

~

The next day, Eren was taking the Aptitude test yet again. The Commandant stared him down, "Eren Jaeger, are you ready?"

Eren nodded, "Yes, sir!"

Commandant Shadis looked at him for a moment more before nodding to the man at the crank, "Proceed." and then Eren was being lifted by the cords attached to his waist. I held my breath as if any sort of movement on my part would screw him up. 

As he was lifted, I watched his feet and when they were a foot off the ground and he was still upright, I bit my lip. That's further than he got yesterday afternoon at least. As he stayed balanced perfectly on the way up, my mouth gaped open slightly in surprise, which started morphing into a smile. Everyone cheered as he stopped being lifted and stayed balanced... until he fell backwards. 

I furrowed my eyebrows as he held himself up with his arms and cried out, "No! Not yet! Once more! I can do it!"

"Lower him." the commandant said, staring down at the brunette. 

Eren collapsed on his knees in front of him, and muttered, "I-I'm finished..." 

Shadis looked like he was about to say something, but before he could I cried out, "Wait!" and everyone turned to look at me, including Shadis. 

He raised an eyebrow at me, "You have something to say, Cadet?"

I nearly sputtered, but regained my composure, "Please excuse my interruption but if I'm correct it isn't Eren's fault that he keeps falling."

Shadis turned to face me fully, "Oh? Please, enlighten us."

I looked him straight in the eyes, "Sure thing." and then walked past him towards Eren. "Eren, take off your belt and put on mine," I said, then proceed to remove my belt. Eren looked at me skeptically but nodded nonetheless. 

Within minutes, he was in the air balancing properly and I was sitting on my knees, opening up the side compartment of his belt. I looked at Shadis, "I don't know what happened, but you need to fire a few maintenance guys." I held up the belt, "The clasp was busted. Anyone would be falling if they had defective gear like that."

Shadis looked at my discovery and nodded, "Looks like if given functional gear, Jaeger performs well. I might have to visit the supply depot and crack a few skulls." he nodded at me, "Good eye, Cadet."

"So you mean... I didn't wash out?" Eren asked.

"You made the cut." Shadis confirmed, "Now keep training, Cadet!"

Everyone let out shocked murmurs and gasps, "Looks like things worked out for him." A burly blonde said as I stood up, leaving the broken gear on the ground and retaking my position between Armin and Mikasa. 

"Look," Armin nudged me, grinning, "His eyes are saying check me out." 

"They're not." Mikasa contradicted. "His eyes are saying he doesn't have to leave me. Not anymore.

I grinned back, "He doesn't have to leave any of us."

No one was going anywhere. 

~

"Listen up, Cadets!" Commandant Shadis said once we were all geared up and standing in front of him. "Today you'll be properly using ODM gear for the first time. You've got to crawl before you can walk, so you'll all be doing a simple maneuver going up into the tree and returning. No fancy bullshit or I'll have your ass."

"Yes, sir!" we all answered simultaneously. I watched Shadis call up names one by one, each one doing differently in the test. Mikasa excelled, as I had expected. She was a natural. Eren and Armin struggled a bit because of the weight, but they were new at this so I decided to cut them some slack. They did manage to do as they were told after all. 

As I watched more and more people succeed or fail, I wondered what I should do when my time came. I figured if Mikasa could do it perfectly on her first try, maybe people would believe I could too. I mean, I didn't. But neither did Levi, Farlan, or Isabel, so I didn't feel that shitty about it. By the time my name was called, (Last, I'll have you know.) I decided to just perform the way Shadis already knew I could. 

Turns out, I didn't have a choice in the matter. As soon as I stepped forward and was about to take off, Shadis stopped me, "Hold on a moment, Cadet." 

I furrowed my eyebrows at him, "What is it, sir?"

He reached into a bag on the ground and pulled out two silver items I had grown all too accustomed to. Titan Killing Blades. "This test is to gauge the skill each cadet has without my instruction." 

He stared down at me, and I held his gaze. "Your point?"

"I need you to run a small course," he held out the blades to me, "Using these." 

I took a deep breath and took them from him, "Fine. How many?"

"Only two. I did say this was a small course, Cadet."

I nodded as I clipped the blades to my triggers, "Alright."

"Hang on," I glanced back to see Jean Kirstein speaking up, "No disrespect Commandant, but what about crawling before you can walk?"

Shadis turned to look at him, "That's for the rest of you. Cadet Alicia has been running for a while." 

Then, it was my turn to shock everyone. I took off and began moving from tree to tree, gazing at the terrain ahead for the dummy Titans. I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and lunged as the dummy Titan came into view, slicing my blades across the neck and pushing off its side as I pushed off and lodged the anchors in two nearby trees. I used my momentum to push myself forward and towards where I saw the second Titan emerging and sliced its neck as well. 

I anchored onto some trees near where the other cadets were waiting, and let myself ride back. I somersaulted midair and rolled to my knees on the ground, my arms out to the sides with my blades pointed forwards. I stood up, my expression falling to a monotone one as I anchored my triggers and blades in the blade slots on my hips. I gazed out at the crowd of shocked faces and kept my composure as I looked at my friends, their faces searching me for any sign of an answer. 

"As expected." Commandant Shadis said, breaking the silence. "Straighten up, Cadets! We've still got work to do!"

I ignored the glances my friends were giving me and fell in line with everyone else. If they had questions later, I would do my best to answer them. Right now, though, I had work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I'm going to say this right now before we move on and get to Trost: If I catch up on the anime at any point, my writing will be temporarily postponed. I do plan to write about the entire series, but I know how horrible spoilers can be, and so I won't be writing about anything past where the anime is. I respect anime-onlys. 
> 
> Also I was rewatching episode three of season one, in which Eren gets a head injury, and before Mikasa catches his attention and he stops staring into space all depressed, there are puffs of steam curling above his head. Fuckin, sneaky ass motherfucker-


	21. So. Many. Questions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few anecdotes from Alicia's days in the 104th Training corps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Foul Language/Cursing, Mentions of Bad Living Conditions

That night at dinner, I sat with Armin, Eren, and Mikasa. No one said a word for the first few minutes. I'm not sure if anyone knew what the correct words were. Until Mikasa spoke up, shattering the silence.

"How'd you do it, Alicia?" she asked. 

"I don't know what you mean," I said, picking at my food.

"You know, precisely what I mean." Mikasa continued.

I slowly looked up from my food to meet her gaze, "Maybe I do." I sighed and looked around at all three of them, "What exactly do you want to know? I'll try my best to answer."

"Commandant Shadis said you had been 'running for a while,'" Armin said pointedly, "Does that mean you've used the ODM gear like this before?"

I sat for a moment before nodding, "Yes, I have."

"For how long?" Mikasa asked, going off of Armin's question.

I hesitated for a moment, considering my next moves. Would they even believe me? Eventually, though, I decided to tell the truth, "Since I was about six years old."

"Where?" Eren asked almost immediately. 

I sighed and glanced up at the dimly lit ceiling. In a way, my brother had been right. During the night time, it did look exactly like the underground ward. Inside a building, anyway. "I don't feel like I can tell you that one." I looked back down at them, "Let's just say that when I said I was visiting my brother, I wasn't lying, per se, but I wasn't exactly telling you everything." 

I picked up the mug next to me on the table, took a sip of water. "Why were you living with Eve Suzuki?" Eren asked abruptly.

I froze for a moment, then set my cup down calmly. "Because I had nowhere else to go."

"You had an older brother to go to." He protested, "One that can apparently give you training with ODM gear."

"My brother and the people he lives with don't have room for me to be around all the time. What, did you not want me in Shiganshina or something?" I said harshly. He shook his head and opened his mouth to speak but I interrupted him, "Eren Jaeger, if the next question out of your mouth has anything to do with my brother or my past living accommodations, so help me God, I will slice off your hand at the wrist, and you'll never use ODM gear ever again."

All questions were quickly silenced after that. They got the basic picture, and I knew that if I ever found myself in the same regiment as them, I might tell them everything. For now, though, I would keep my mouth shut.

~

"You're such a clean freak, Alicia," Sasha said one day. She, Connie, Marco, and Jean were sitting with us while we all performed maintenance on our gear. They weren't exactly friends of mine (not yet, anyway). But Armin and Eren got along with them fine, and Mikasa was even warming up to them, so I figured I could manage. 

"How so?" I asked. 

"You're cleaning EVERYTHING," Connie said dramatically. "Not a spec of dirt is being left alive on your gear."

I smiled and shrugged, "The way your ODM gear looks can be very reflective of you-"

"Alicia, I swear to you, NOONE will care about the way the outside of your gear looks." Eren interrupted.

I rolled my eyes and muttered, "Rude."

"You should see her bunk! Her bed is always spotlessly made, and her drawers are neat as hell." Sasha continued, this time looking directly at me, "Plus, your clothes are always spotless, and your hair is always perfectly brushed."

"Give her a break," Marco interjected. "It's not hurting anyone. If she wants to go the extra mile, I say let her."

"Okay, fine. Just riddle me this: Why?" Jean asked, pointedly at me.

I stared at the table in front of me and hummed, lost in thought. Why was I so consistent with cleanliness? Suddenly, I remembered something Levi had once told me. "You may not care about the way my ODM gear or my bunk looks, but I do. Keeping my things clean, wearing nice clothes, eating proper meals every day, and making sure my hair is tidy. They were all ways of keeping myself human back when I needed to be reminded of that on a daily basis." the words slipped out before I realized what I was saying.

I looked up from the table and froze. Everyone was staring at me, slightly shocked. "You mean, back in the refugee camps?" Mikasa inferred. I opened my mouth before closing it again. I wasn't sure whether I should confirm or deny Mikasa's theory.

"No, we didn't get proper meals every day in the camps." Eren contradicted. I slowly reattached everything in my ODM gear where it was supposed to go. I opened my mouth again and took a breathe as if I was about to say something before closing my mouth for a second time. 

"Alicia..." Armin said, reaching out to put a hand on my shoulder before retracting it when he saw how tense I was.

Finally, I decided on the words, "Just drop it". Although everyone was silent for a few minutes, soon the conversation replenished its original boisterous laughter and cheery attitude. 

~

The first time I spoke with Annie, I was sitting on the porch of the girls' quarters building, drinking from a bottle of water. "Mind if I sit here?" I turned my head and caught her piercing blue eyes.

I took a sip of my water, "Sure thing."

She nodded and sat down next to me on the stairs, "I'm Annie Leonhart."

I hummed, "I know, you're pretty good with the gear. I'm Alicia."

She snorted, "You're better. You've got real natural skill."

I looked at her and rolled my eyes, "There's nothing natural about this skill," before looking away and taking another swig of water.

"Hm," She replied thoughtfully, "So we're more alike than I previoulsy thought."

"Meaning?"

"You don't want to be here."

I stopped, put my water down next to me on the porch, and looked her in the eye. "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Did I not make myself clear?" she looked back at me with the same intensity I held, "You. Don't. Want. To be here." she turned away, "Or at least, you're not here entirely of your own free will."

I sighed and looked away as well. "Oh yeah, well, what about you? You said that makes us similar."

"It does." She nodded, "We're both reluctant heroes."

I chuckled, "Reluctant heroes?" then I sighed, "Yeah, sounds about right. Why are you here then? Someone make you?"

She nodded, "My family. I need to do this so they can live a good life."

I snorted, "So what, hoping for assignment to the Military Police?"

"Something like that. You?" 

I sighed, "I made a promise to some people. But hey, freedom is a drug and I am her devoted bitch."

She snorted, "I like that, mind if I use it?"

"Sure thing."

"You say that a lot."

"Shut it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their entire three years in the training corps are summed up in two main stream episodes, a few flashbacks, and 2 OVAs that I don't have access to. I have very little to work with, and needed to establish a few things. Except for Historia, Ymir, Bertholdt, and Reiner if they weren't mentioned in this chapter they aren't that important to Alicia. Sorry Thomas, Sorry Mina, neither of you had enough screen time to develop actual personalities :)
> 
> Also: I'm considering (a lot later on) putting Alicia and Armin in a relationship. How would everyone feel about that? Nothing is set in stone yet.


	22. Downhill Before We Could Even Climb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 104th Cadet Core graduates. Alicia runs in to people she hadn't seen in three years, and one she hadn't seen in five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU know what chapter this is! Yes you! It's a thousand words longer than any other chapter I've posted to this website! Have fun, everybody!
> 
> Warning(s): Violence, Foul Language/Cursing, Fighting

Two years after joining the Cadets...

"Pick up the pace, you lead heeled laggers!" Shadis shouted. "Boots waterlogged Arlert? Let's see some hustle!" He fell back on his horse, riding next to where I assumed Armin was at the back of the group. It was raining though so I couldn't tell without looking back. "Gear too heavy for you son? Well, drop it, and leave it in the mud! The Titans will have easier work digesting you without all the excess baggage."

He rode off towards the cadets in the middle, so I looked back at Armin, considering going back to help him, but when I saw Reiner grabbing his bag and talking to him, I relaxed. He would get through this. 

~

Reiner Braun. 

The mind and constitution of a grass-fed ox. Respected by his comrades. 

~

The next time I glanced back, though, Armin was grabbing his things and running forward. He sprinted all the way forward until he was next to Mikasa and I at the front.

I groaned, "Armin, slow down! Don't use so much energy right now. Save it for later!" 

~

Armin Arlert.

Built like a daffodil. But academically? Brilliant. 

~

I felt the wind rush past my face as I flew alongside my comrades. As we approached the dummy Titans I fell back with my ravenette friend, watching as Jean, Bertholdt, and Annie slashed the first one's nape. 

~

Annie Leonhart. 

Gifted with a sword but doesn't exactly play well with others.

Bertholdt Hoover.

Heaps of native talent, but too mild-mannered.

Jean Kirstein. 

Head of the class on ODM. Also an insufferable smartass with a hair-trigger temper. 

~

Suddenly Jean was passing everyone and pushing forward to the next Titan, "Way to lead the charge!" Connie yelled after him, "You don't care if I steal your thunder, right?" He prepared to slice the nape as he passed Jean, but before he could get close enough a chunk was sliced away.

"Ya, hoo!!" Sasha yelled from where she had fallen after stealing the kill. I grinned, and considered congratulating her but decided against it and stayed back with Mikasa.

~

Sasha Blouse. 

Unusually fine instincts. Rarely shares them with her teammates.

Connie Springer.

Agile on the switchbacks. A few sandwiches shy of a picnic. 

~

The next two Titans emerged from the trees. Mikasa and I lunged forward in synch, and as fast as the Titans had appeared, their necks were chopped up. Eren went to slash next to where we had, cutting just a little too shallow. 

~

Mikasa Ackerman, and Alicia.

Model Cadets. Excel in everything. In fact, it's no overstatement to call the girls geniuses. They would be perfectly matched if not for Alicia's prior training. 

Eren Jaeger. 

Lacklustre in the classroom. Marginally better in the field. But, driven by a sense of purpose that's almost terrifying. 

~

I watched Eren lunge towards the second Titan, this time he slashed all the way down, leaving no space for the thing to have been left alive, had it been real. It's an Overuse of the blades, but I think it's better if one cuts deeper than necessary, rather than too shallow. 

~

"I'm rogue first this time." Mikasa said as she held up the fake wooden blade, "You're downright scary with a knife."

"What?" I asked, drawing out the a. "And you're not scary?"

She rolled her eyes at me, "Oh please, I know you keep that thing on you at all times. If you wanted, you could probably actually go rogue and kill half the people here before someone finally stopped you."

I gulped and decided to brush it off, "O-Oh yeah? Why only half?" I joked.

She shrugged, "Just giving an example."

I rolled my eyes and stood up straight, "Enough foreplay. Come at me, bitch."

~

Later that night, Eren brought up something Annie had said to him during training that day. He talked about the fact that we were being trained to run, instead of to fight. How we were pawns.

"I know, okay," Armin said when he was finished. "And look, I'm not saying it's right it's just the way things are. Before Wall Maria was compromised, ODM experts were rare. Only Scouts ever risked proximity to the Titans and their Regiments were far and few in between..." Armin trailed off, but I could tell Eren had stopped listening to him a while ago. 

"That's how you conserve fuel. Let your momentum do the work for you." I heard Jean say to whoever he was sitting with.

"Still, that's pretty advanced."

"Duh," Jean said, smugly. "It's called having a sixth sense for the finer points of your gear."

I groaned and mumbled. "Not this again..." I stood up, and walked over to the table, gripping Jean's shoulder tightly while I stood behind him. 

"Don't listen to him. I don't know what Regiment you guys are going for, but no matter what you will encounter a threat while using your ODM gear. When you do, I guarantee fuel conservation and momentum are not going to be the things on the forefront of your mind."

Jean rolled his eyes at me, "Whatever! You've gotta do the strut if you wanna make the cut. The MP only recruit the best."

"Dear God, you're hopeless," I said, removing my hand.

Marco sighed from next to Jean. "Man, that'd be amazing. Working within a stone's throw of the King? No greater honour than that."

I sighed, "Scratch that, you're all hopeless." I went and sat back down next to Armin. He put a hand on my back as I sighed again and put my head down on the table. 

"Listen to you guys," Eren said suddenly. I rested my chin on my arms and looked up at him. "Interior? Five years ago, this was part of it."

"You got a point to make, friend? I'm right here." Jean said scowling. 

I groaned and sat up, leaning against Armin as he hummed, "Here they go again."

"It was entertaining the first few times, but after two and a half years? At this point, it's just childish." I mumbled so only the blonde could hear me. 

Eren took a drink, "Poor Jean, so misguided. And besides, I don't think your head will fit in the interior anyway."

A few people started snickering, and Jean scowled, "Very funny."

"Seems a little backwards to me." Eren continued, "Fine-tuning your Titan killing skills so the brass will station you somewhere you'll never see one."

"You'd rather I was good at getting killed?" Jean shot back, "Thanks, but I'll pass. Better to play the system than get gnawed on." I tensed, but for what felt like the millionth time in the past two years, I held myself back. 

Eren, like usual, grit his teeth and jumped up from the table, "You son of a bitch!"

"Bring it on, you little bastard!" Jean exclaimed, Standing up to meet him. 

Armin stood up, letting me fall, but I regained my composure quickly, "Eren, stop it!" he exclaimed as the two boys circled each other.

Mikasa and I joined him in trying to defuse the situation. "Eren, stop it," I said.

"Gentlemen, please." she took Eren's hand and removed it from its clutch on Jean's shirt. They looked each other in the eyes for a moment, some form of unspoken communication passing through them. Eren looked down, and his shoulders relaxed.

Then Jean grabbed him by the collar and shouted, "You think you can judge me?!" which sent Eren back into a frenzy. 

"You rip my shirt, you're dead!" he yelled back.

"I don't give a damn about your shirt, you piss me off!"

"What? Are you crazy?!" Eren exclaimed. But then, there was a small look of... I don't really know. Realization? Shock? Whatever it was, he was over it in a second. He suddenly grabbed Jean's arm with two hands and flipped him over onto his back on the floor.

Jean let out a groan, holding his head as he sat up. I sat in slight shock but smiled after a moment. So he could learn new tricks without me. "Dammit. The hell was that move?!" Jean yelled.

"Little something I picked up this afternoon while you were busy with your thumb up your ass," Eren growled back. "You honestly believe the Military Police are gonna take you to the good life? You're not a soldier. You're a joke." 

Everyone was silent after Eren said that. Until the door to our dining area slowly started creaking open. Through the cracks, we all held our breathe as Shadis said, "Would someone care to explain the little ruckus I heard just now? I do hope everything's alright."

We were all silent and stiff as Eren and Jean slowly crept to the table Mikasa, Armin, and I were sitting at. Just then, Mikasa raised her hand, "Sasha passed some gas, Commandant." Sasha gasped, and everyone else held their breath, trying not to laugh. 

"Why am I not surprised?" he growled, walking back to the door, "For the love of God, learn some self-control." As soon as he was gone, almost everyone burst out laughing and Mikasa shoved some bread in Sasha's mouth to keep her from complaining. 

~

Of the original recruits, 218 Cadets graduated. Some, with honours. 

"Do you have heart?!" 

"Sir!" We all saluted in perfect harmony.

"As of this moment, you have three options open to you. Choose wisely!" Likely story, bud. "The Garrison Regiment! Their job is to reinforce the walls! The Scout Regiment! Who rides out into Titan country to take back what was once ours! And the MP Regiment! Maintaining Law and Order under orders from his royal majesty. Those Cadets eligible for the MP have already been named! The rest of you take a look, These are the top of your class!"

The ten of us stood in a perfect row in front of everyone else, our hands clenched in salute under the scrutiny of our peers' eyes.

10; Sasha Blouse  
9; Connie Springer  
8; Marco Bott  
7; Jean Kirstein  
6; Eren Jaeger  
5; Annie Leonhart  
4; Bertholdt Hoover  
3; Reiner Braun  
2; Mikasa Ackerman

1; Alicia

~

"You're seriously going to turn your back on the MP for the scouts? Why in the world would either of you do that? You're in the top 10! Alicia is even number one!" Thomas, who was standing mere feet away, asked. I sighed but didn't feel I had the mental stamina to deal with things like this at the moment. I had just spent the last three years holding myself back for the sake of not ruining the reputation of myself and the Scouts, and I knew it was going to take a few days before I got back in the swing of things.

"The Scouts have always been my goal," Eren replied. 

"Same here," I agreed with a bland voice.

Eren nodded, "I don't want the easy life. Not with all the work I've put in. I trained to fight Titans."

"Are you insane?!" Thomas yelled. Everyone went silent. 

I muttered, "Dammit.." as everyone's eyes turned towards us.

"If the past five years haven't painted a picture for you, I don't know what will." Thomas continued. "This is our life now." His face grew sombre, "We can't beat them."

"Yeah? So what?" Eren asked. "We buckle? Take it all lying down? Things have changed. Maybe not a hell of a lot, but enough. They aren't the mystery they were five years ago. There's still a long way to go, but we've made progress!" Eren exclaimed. "Every battle we lost taught us a lesson. Gave us the tiniest inroad towards something like hope. You're telling me it's better to cut our losses? Let all the death and destruction be meaningless? Just to ball it up and accept it?! Not on your life! Humanity's future lies outside the walls, and I'm gonna clear the way! I'm gonna take back what was ours! I'll drive them out, and as long as at least one of us can say that, we're not done." he growled. Eren tensed, then ran out. Mikasa, Armin and I let out small noises of surprise and immediately ran after him. 

"Eren, wait!"

~

We found him sitting on the steps of a quiet street just outside the hall, rubbing his eyes. The three of us sat down with him, Mikasa and Armin next to him, with me on Armin's other side. "That was uh, quite a speech you gave us there." the blonde next to me said. 

"Yeah, it was." I laughed. "I think you scared the hell out of Thomas."

Eren shrugged, "Most of it was Armin's. All that stuff you used to say back in the day."

Armin looked from Eren to me. He then looked away, before exclaiming, "Yeah, well I'm joining the Scout Regiment too."

"Now you're just being stupid," Eren said, trying to reason, "Come on, you're not a fighter! Your life is with books!" 

I shook my head, laughing lightly, "If Armin wants to join the Scouts it's his decision. Nothing you say or do can change that. It would be exactly like the whole situation with Thomas." I glanced at Eren, "You really want to do that to someone?"

The brunette was silent but shook his head. Armin nodded, "I'm through with letting other people fight for me," 

"Guess it's the scouts for me too, then," Mikasa said. 

"Oh, come on! You were nearly top of the class! You'd be wasting your shot!" Eren cried out.

"I am top of the class," I replied. "I don't see you arguing my joining the Scouts."

"With you, it's different!"

"Oh yeah? How?"

"I-"

"Understand this, Eren: Where you go, I go," Mikasa interrupted. "I made a promise to your mom before she died. I'm not letting you die. I've got your back whether you like it or not, so just deal with it."

Eren sighed, "Yeah, well moms not here."

"A lot of people I care about aren't here either, Eren." I shot back at him. He sighed, and it was silent for a few moments as we all slowly drifted our eyes towards the sky. I couldn't help but think about that day with Farlan, Isabel, and Levi. Sitting on the roof. Asking my brother to believe in us. The entire situation was so similar, I almost cried.

~

"Heads up! The main unit of the Scout Regiment is back!" A man shouted. This day was the first time in years that I was going to see my brother and any of the other Scouts I had grown attached to go out on an Expedition. I knew that if anyone truly important to me had died (Hange or my brother, for example) I would have gotten a letter, or a verbal message from Shadis, or something. But, I still held doubt and fear heavy in my heart. 

I watched the Scouts pass, scanning the faces for anyone I recognized. Then, I heard a voice, "Look, it's captain Levi! They say he's like an entire brigade all by himself!" My eyes shot to where the man was pointing and grinned when I saw my brother and Hange riding alongside each other. I wanted to give them some sort of signal, some way to tell them it was me, and that I was glad to see them. For just a moment as Levi was talking to Hange, he looked vaguely towards myself and the other scouts.

For a brief moment, we locked eyes and it was enough time for me to raise two of my fingers to my forehead and flick out. His eyes widened, and he nodded with a small smile. He tugged on Hange's cape and gestured vaguely towards where I was standing. Their eyes flew open wide, and they grinned with a small wave. I tensed, but none of my comrades seemed to have noticed. "Feel how excited everybody is?" Eren asked from beside me. "It's like the crowd just has a different energy now." 

"Well, we are going on five years without incident!" A girl I had seen before but didn't know the name of exclaimed from behind us. "Seems like a good omen."

"And you should check out all the canon upgrades. The sight alone ought to be enough to scare them off." A taller boy standing next to her continued.

She smiled and nodded, "That's the truth!"

Eren growled, "You in denial 'cuz you're a couple? What's that about?"

The girl turned, showing us her back, "Whow, whow, whow this isn't what it looks like, okay!"

"Knock it off man, it's embarrassing!" The guy exclaimed. 

I laughed lightly before we heard a voice say, "Hey, Hey, looky here!" 

We all turned to look and saw a familiar-looking blonde man walking towards us. "Mr. Hannes!" Armin exclaimed.

"Word on the street is they let you graduate yesterday." He said as he stopped in front of us. "Either you've grown up or standards have gone plummeted."

"Well they let you in, so I think standards have gone up," I replied, grinning. 

Eren grinned alongside me, "Yeah, the new core of engineers keep their chief on the drink?"

"Watch it," Hannes said, flicking us both in the forehead. He then sombred up and looked to Eren, "I'm sorry if this is out of the blue, but I want you to know your mom's death still haunts me."

Eren sighed, "Me too, but it wasn't your fault." Hannes gave a look of surprise, and Eren continued, "We were shooting in the dark then, but nothing like that's gonna happen again. We know what we're dealing with now. "

~

I was cleaning the inside of a cannon on the east side of the Wall surrounding Trost District when it happened. I remember saying to Armin, "Damn, can't believe it's been five years since... you know."

He nodded, greasing the turntable on the bottom. "It really has been. In any case, this time if something like what happened to Wall Maria happens to Wall Rose, we'll be the ones protecting it."

I gave him a cocky smile, "Guess that means Wall Rose has a better shot than Wall Maria, huh?"

He hit my shoulder playfully, and we locked eyes for a moment, smiling mindlessly. It felt like time had stopped. Now, I wish so badly that I had just been able to stay in that moment forever. Then, we heard it. There was a loud crack and a yellow flash like lightning. Our heads shot to the south side of the Wall, and our eyes widened as we saw the same sight we had five years ago, just from a different angle. This time, the Colossal Titan wasted no time in doing the job and kicked in the gate before I could even register what was going on. I saw movement on the south side and realized that it was Cadets who had been thrown off the wall by the force of the blast and the steam radiating off the Titan's body. I thanked everything that they had their ODM gear on them as I watched the cords hook them to the wall, safe and secure. 

I saw one of the small figures go up and towards the Titan, "Oh my god, they're trying to fight it-" my eyes widened, "That's got to be Eren." 

Armin spoke from beside me, eyes just as wide, "He was on maintenance duty above the gate, he..."

"That crazy bastard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Historia, I had to cut you out of the Top Ten. Your Rank didn't have any real significance that would be mentioned in this story anyway : )
> 
> I still love her character though, don't hate me-


	23. Falling Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trost District is Falling Down...
> 
> Falling Down...
> 
> Falling Down...
> 
> Trost District is Falling Down, my fair lady...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Mentions of Death, Foul Language/Cursing, Character Death

"Operation Colossal Titan response team is in effect! I expect you to take part!" A Garrison member said to those of us Cadets on the east part of the Trost wall. "Report to HQ! Receive your assignments! If you saw anything that might assist, we need details!" and then he was off. Armin and I turned to look at each other and nodded before we took off as well, heading towards the HQ building. In the distance, I heard the liberty bell ringing in a warning. 

"Out of the frying pan and into the fire, Cadets! Time to put your training to work! I have faith that each of you will be a credit to your regiment!"

"Armin, what's wrong?" Eren asked as the blonde's hands shook beside me. 

"Don't worry, I'm fine. Just give me a second for my nerves to settle," he said, still shaking. "This is bad, isn't it? There's a hole in the wall eight meters wide and we don't even remotely have the engineering know-how to plug it. That huge boulder near the front gate was our best bet, but we couldn't figure out how to hoist it in place. Unless we seal the breach... the entire city is as good as dead!" He paused as we heard cannon fire in the distance, "How long do you think until they take Wall Rose? Seriously, how long?! Think about it. They can wipe out the Human Race in an afternoon!"

"Armin," I said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down. We'll get through this, alright? I'll bet my life on it that all four of us will come out alive and stronger than ever." I kneeled next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "Then, we'll join the scouts, help reclaim Wall Maria, and..." I thought carefully for a moment, before I exhaled softly, whispering, "I'll tell you about me. About my life before Shiganshina. I know you have a lot of questions." I smiled. 

Eren nodded, "We won't be the victims anymore, Armin. We will prevent their advance on Wall Rose."

We were silent for a few moments before Armin spoke up again. "Sorry, I... I'm okay." He finally stopped shaking so violently and was able to properly put on his gear. 

~

"I want everyone split into four squadrons, as practiced! All squadrons are responsible for supply running, message relay, and enemy combat under command of the Garrison Regiment! The intercept squadron will be taking the vanguard! Cadets will be taking the middle guard, led by the support squad! The rearguard will go to the elites! I expect you all to man your post, knowing the advanced team has been wiped out!" There were gasps from myself and the Cadets surrounding me, "That's right! The outer gate is history! The Titans are in! This means the Armored Titan is likely to reappear! If, and when he does, the inner gate will also be history!"

People around me murmured, speaking amongst themselves in hushed, worried voices about whether or not this was truly happening. 

"Quiet!" he called out, silencing everyone. "Right! Those in the vanguard be ready. Your mission is a very simple one, defend the wall until the evacuation is done! If it comes to it, lay down your lives. Dismissed!"

"Yes, Sir!"

Suddenly everyone was running in different directions towards where their assignments were located. I joined up with Armin, "Just one more day and I would have been heading for the interior." I heard Jean groan, as another Cadet threw up while Krista helped him through it. Jean stood up and stormed off. I watched him have a run-in with Eren. I couldn't hear what they were saying over all the noise, so Armin and I moved closer to where they were standing. 

Eren threw him against a pillar as Mikasa approached as well. "What do you think the last three years were about? We survived! We stared death in the face, and we lived! Not everyone can say that, can they? Some people couldn't take it and either ran or were thrown out. Hell, some people actually died!" Eren exclaimed, "But not us, am I right? We powered through, for three years. What's one more day?" he asked, loosening his grip on Jean slightly, "The MPs will be waiting for you tomorrow." he backed off from the shocked boy. 

"Shit..." Jean cursed as he turned and walked away. "On your feet, stop balling," he told a Cadet on the floor. 

As soon as Jean was gone, Mikasa approached the brunette, "Eren. If things take a turn for worse I want you to come find me, all right?"

"What?" Eren asked. "We're in completely different squads." 

"Look, this is gonna get ugly and when it does the plan goes out the window. Come and find me so I can protect you."

"Who the hell do you think you are-" Eren started, but he was interrupted by a passing squad leader.

"Ackerman. Alicia. You two are with me." He said, pointing at myself and Mikasa. "You've been assigned to the rear guard on special orders. Let's get moving."

I nodded, "Yes, Sir."

Mikasa started protesting, "But sir, we're Cadets, we'll slow everyone down."

"You're not being asked for a self-evaluation, here. The mass exodus is falling apart. We need as many elite soldiers as possible to get things back on track."

"Sir, with all due respect-" Mikasa started, before Eren interrupted her.

"Hey! You've been given a direct order. Pull it together, now!" He exclaimed. "This is bigger than the two of us, and you know it. We're on the verge of extinction here, have some damn perspective!"

She looked shocked for a moment, before her face fell, "You're right, I'm sorry. This whole situation just has me out of my head." she grabbed his arm, "Just promise... promise me one thing. Whatever happens, don't get yourself killed."

Eren looked at her, before walking away. "I hadn't planned on it." 

After a moment, I coughed and gestured to her, "Mikasa, we need to get going." 

She looked at me intently and nodded, "Right." 

~

I moved as fast as I could, chasing the Titan with Mikasa at my side. It was getting too close to the gate, and I prayed the evacuees were out already.

"Someone wanna tell me why this son of a bitch is ignoring us?"

"It's an abnormal! Stop trying to figure him out!"

"He's too fast! There's no way we'll overtake him before he reaches the gate!"

"Just stay on him!"

I growled, as Mikasa and I rushed forward, ahead of the Garrison. When we got close enough, I gasped when I saw they weren't and immediately shouted directions to my ravenette friend, "I'll immobilize it you go for the nape!"

"Got it," Mikasa replied. 

I swung down towards the ground, taking out its left arm in the process. I then glided along the ground, slashing out the Titan's Achilles Heels, and took out the right arm on my way back up. The Titan fell feet before getting to the civilians, though it couldn't do anything without its arms. Mikasa lunged towards the nape, carving it out, and rising to her feet on the back of its slowly disappearing corpse. I joined her, and we both looked up at the evacuees who were still at the gate. "Excuse me?" Mikasa asked, "What is all this?"

"Couldn't have asked for better timing!" a fat man in the front of the group exclaimed, "Force these useless morons to push my wagon! I'll pay you handsomely!" 

"People are dying for your worthless ass, and all you can think about is your cargo?" I exclaimed angrily.

"Soldiers are dying back there all because this is taking too long..." Mikasa said, exasperated.

"You expect me to shed a tear cuz they gotta fulfill the duties they signed on for? They're supposed to be willing to lay down their lives! Don't get all high-ended on me just 'cuz you finally got to earn your damn keep after all these years!" He responded.

I hummed lightly, with a smile. Then, I jumped down from the Titan, Mikasa following closely behind. We slowly stepped closer towards him, Mikasa a foot or two behind me. "Yeah, no arguing with that. You're absolutely right, sir." Mikasa said with a bite in her voice. "Guess it's what you call the greater good."

"I was never one for all the greater good shit. You, Mikasa?"

"Not at all. Sometimes it's not the life or the death of a soldier that makes the biggest difference." She replied.

"Don't you even dare!" He exclaimed as we got closer, "Your commander and I are old friends! One word from me and you'll be court marshalled!" Two guys acted as the man's bodyguard and rushed us, but I elbowed the one in the side of his face, and Mikasa hit the other in the stomach, both in one swift motion. 

"That word gonna come from beyond the grave?" Mikasa asked as we stopped in front of him.

"Ah, it would be so tragic, don't you think Mikasa?" I asked. "We did everything we could, but there was no reaching him in time. The Titans just got to him first. And with all these witnesses," I gestured around at the crowd, "It would never be doubted for a moment." It had been three years since I got to talk so freely like this, and I was having the time of my life. 

"Yes, so tragic." she hummed, and stuck out her blade next to the man's head, cutting a hole in the cargo behind him. 

"Sir, maybe we should uh.." One of his workers started.

"Pull the damn wagon out.." He mumbled in fearful instruction. Mikasa and I kept our monotone expressions.

Slowly his workers pulled the wagon out of the way of the gate, and people started flooding through. After almost everyone was through, we heard a voice. "You're amazing!" I turned to look, and there were a little girl and her mother. 

"You've saved our lives, young ma'ams. All of us are in your debt." Her mother thanked us. My eyes widened, and I glanced at Mikasa. She nodded, and I copied her as we put away our blades, giving a salute. Then, we left them to evacuate.

"I don't think I've seen you like that in a while. Not since our biggest problems were the local bullies." She commented while we walked to meet up with our squadron.

I shrugged, "In the Cadets, I had to behave. Just getting back in the swing of my old habits. Besides," I sighed, "Not sure if that was ever our biggest problem."

~

"Good work, Cadets. I'm impressed." Our squad leader said once we met back up.

"We did what we could here, sir."

"We tried our damn hardest." I interrupted.

Mikasa elbowed me lightly, "But thank you. I need to be a bit more careful in the future. I inadvertently dulled both of the blades."

"That's why you don't go stabbing cargo carts, Mikasa." I chimed in.

She rolled her eyes, and our squad leader asked, "What on Earth did you two have to live through to be so nonchalant?"

I sighed and smiled sadly, "Our own little slices of Hell."

He grimaced, "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for." after another half hour of making sure all civilians were out of Trost, we heard the squad leader command, "That's it. We're done. Now, scale the wall." as we watched the gate seal shut. 

"I should help the vanguard withdraw, sir." Mikasa countered, turning away.

"Great idea, I'll help," I said, and then we were off, despite our squad leader's protests. After a few minutes of searching, we landed on a small bell tower and spotted a group of people in Cadet raincoats. The vanguard. "What are they doing?" I asked. "Did they not hear the withdrawal command?" 

Mikasa shook her head, "They must have." and then she propelled herself to the roof of the building they were all standing on. I took a deep breath and followed her.

"Alicia? Mikasa? Weren't you two in the rearguard?" I heard Jean ask, but Mikasa was running and so was I.

"Annie!" she called out and the blonde girl turned as we stopped in front of her, "I know how bad things have gotten, and it's selfish, putting personal matters in the forefront. But have you seen Eren's squad?"

"Some squads made it back." she replied, "But I don't know about Eren's."

"We found Armin." Reiner cut in, "He's over there." he pointed and turned to see my friend curled up in himself. 

"Armin!" I called out, running over to him. I kneeled beside him as Mikasa reached him soon after me. 

She knelt next to me, "Armin? Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?" 

I quickly scanned over him and shook my head, "You don't look hurt. Is it internal? Or..." I hesitated, "Did you... Did you see something?"

Armin shook, and I could hear him crying lightly. Mikasa sighed and stood up, "Where's Eren?" She looked straight at him, "Armin?"

He finally jolted, looking up at Mikasa and myself. We gasped lightly at the sight of him. He looked so strained, and tears were running down the side of his face non-stop. "They were..." He muttered, before crying again and digging his hands into the fabric of his pants, "The Cadets of squad 34. Thomas Wagner. Nack Tierce. Milieus Zeremski. Mina Carolina. Eren Jaeger!" No. "These brave five upheld their duties." No this wasn't happening. "They died valiantly on the field of battle."

"No..." I muttered, "No that's... He..." I put a hand over my mouth, "Eren's a strong fighter, always has been are you sure you saw him die?" I asked. Armin let out a shaky nod and I clenched my jaw, removing my hand from my mouth. "I... I'm sorry, Armin." I said quietly, "I promised we would all make it out alive... I promised." 

He shook his head, "It should have been me. I'm so sorry It should have been me that died. Not Eren." He let out a sob, "I couldn't do a thing! I'm worthless."

"Say that one more time and I'll knock your teeth in." I said, grabbing him by the collar, "It was the first time you've ever seen someone get eaten by a Titan. You remember how shaken up I was?" I exclaimed, "You remember how long I cried after the shock wore off? I don't expect you to be made of steel either, Armin." I sighed, "If it makes you feel better, we can all have one big pity party later, but for right now we need to focus on getting the hell out of here."

Mikasa kneeled next to me once again and nodded, putting a hand on Armin's knee. "She's right, Armin. Calm yourself. We haven't got time to get emotional right now." Armin looked slightly shocked, "On your feet." We both grabbed him by his hands and helped him up. "Marco," She continued, walking away. "If we eliminate or bypass the Titans of HQ, we can there refuel our gear, allowing us to get back over the wall. Is that assessment correct?"

"Well, uh, yeah I guess so, sure. But there's just too many of them out there even with you and Alicia on point-"

"We can do it." She cut him off. 

"What?" Marco asked.

"Alicia and I are strong. Real strong. None of you come close, you hear me?" She said, angrily.

"Mikasa, don't drag me into your overconfident grieving bullshit-" I started, but she cut me off.

"We are warriors!" She yelled, and I grit my teeth but stood up.

I walked over to stand next to her, "Fine, then. Guess I'm part of your overconfident grieving bullshit." I muttered.

"Know this; Alicia and I have the power to slay all of the Titans that block our path. Even if we have to do it alone." she continued, "As far as I'm concerned, I am surrounded by a bunch of unskilled, cowardly, worms." 

"Mikasa-" I tried, starting to get annoyed. But, once Mikasa Ackerman had her mind set on something, there was no stopping her. 

She ignored me, pointing her blade at the others. "You disappoint me. You can just sit here, and twiddle your thumbs, and watch how it's done."

"Wait, Mikasa-" One of the other girls cried out, "Are you out of your mind? That's crazy!"

"You can't be serious!" A guy called out, "Trying to take them out by yourselves? There's no way you can hope to beat them!" 

Suddenly, I got angry, "If we can't beat them, then we die. But it's better than sitting on our asses like ducks waiting to get eaten."

"You lose, you die. You win, you live, and the only way to win is to fight!" Mikasa exclaimed, and then we were off once more, into the overtaken, overridden city of Trost District, where our survival was in no way confirmed.

As we flew along, side by side, we cut down whatever Titans we crossed paths with. I heard shouting from behind us, and then a clear command from what sounded like Jean, "Follow them! Avoid fighting if you can, and get to HQ before you run out of gas!" 

Then, Mikasa overtook me. She started going a lot faster, moving a lot farther than I was. "Wait... Mikasa slow down!" I called out, but it was no use. She wasn't listening. "Mikasa! You're using too much gas! You'll run out!" She either ignored me or couldn't hear me over the wind rushing past her ears. I followed as closely as I could without making the same mistake she was, but it was no use. Then, all of a sudden, the gas from her gear stopped flowing. I watched the steam behind her fizzle to nothing, and then she was falling.

"MIKASA!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have fit two and a half episodes into the chapter (partially in thanks to all the perspective switching in this arc) as opposed to my usual 1/2 and episode or 1 episode. Much proud. Because of the way I want to do the chapter names, I needed to fit the entire Trost arc into 4 chapters, and I think I'm on track to being able to do that.


	24. Iron Bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Build it up with Iron Bars...
> 
> Iron Bars...
> 
> Iron Bars...
> 
> Build it up with Iron Bars, my fair lady...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Foul Language/Cursing, Mentions of Death, Detailed Depictions of Violence

I immediately changed direction as I watched her fall. I heard ODM gear in use behind me and glanced to see Armin and Connie trailing me. I was running out of gas fast. I knew I wouldn't be able to help Mikasa if I was just as dead as her, and I decided I needed a more efficient way to search. So, I dropped to the nearest rooftop, and I started running. I couldn't stop moving. I couldn't lose her. "Please be alright..." I muttered. I heard ODM gear in use again and turned to my right to see Armin. I heard a yell, and then the two of us were both looking in the same direction. "Can you see her?" I yelled.

He nodded, "She's this way!" I sprung into action with my gear again, and from my new height, I saw Mikasa standing on the ground. I latched onto a building and swung down, grabbing her and taking off again. We collapsed on top of a nearby building, and Armin landed behind me. "Mikasa! Are you okay?"

She stayed quiet but half a second later Connie landed next to us, "Are you guys alright?"

"Yeah," Armin replied.

"Yes," I muttered. I was beyond pissed, but I was sure my initiative to beat the crap out of Mikasa could wait until we were out of harm's way.

"Then we better get out of here." just as he finished speaking, there were loud, thunderous footsteps. "Crap!" Connie exclaimed as we all turned to look. "Two fifteen meter Titans!"

"No. That one's different." Mikasa said, and before I could even question what she meant, the two 15 meters started roaring at each other. My eyes widened as the more well built looking of the two took a fighting stance, his clenched fists raised. As the other Titan barrelled towards it, the Titan threw a punch that knocked its head off and sent it flying. The larger headless Titan fell to the ground as the Titan who had thrown the punch watched his hand regrow. Just as it was about to get up again, the standing Titan sunk its foot down on the nape, killing it.

"It- It just finished it off," Armin said in shock. "He knew exactly where the weak spot was."

"C'mon guys," Connie said, snapping us back, "Time to split! The last thing we need is him coming our way."

"No. He has no reaction to us." Armin said, slightly shocked still. "Any other Titan would have been on top of us by now!"

"Oh my god..." I said, fascination overruling any fear I may have felt, "This could..." I trailed off, my mouth failing to speak the words my brain formulated. This could change everything.

"It seemed to understand the basic skill of hand-to-hand combat," Mikasa interjected. "What is that thing?"

"Just chalk it up as another abnormal." Connie said, "Hell, they're always an unpleasant surprise, right? Forget about it. Let's just get outta here!"

"Wait a minute, hold on!" Armin exclaimed, "Mikasa's tanks are empty!"

"Huh?" Connie exclaimed, "What are we gonna do?! We can't clear HQ without your help!"

Armin leaned down, "There's only one thing to do. I know there isn't very much left in them," he said, unfastening his gas tanks. My eyes widened. "but it's better than your empty ones."

"Armin!" Mikasa exclaimed.

"This is our only choice!" Armin interrupted, "It'll be a complete waste if I keep them, But... Use this gas more sparingly." he said, exchanging his tanks with Mikasa's. "Everyone's lives are riding on you." We all stood in shock, staring at him. After a moment, Armin spoke again. "There, the ODM gear is functional, and I restocked your blades. Just..." he trailed off, cradling a loose Titan killing blade in his hands, "Just leave me this one, okay? It's just that, I would rather this be my end and not being eaten alive."

Mikasa grabbed the blade he was holding and threw it over the side of the building. "Armin. I will not leave you behind." She said, kneeling next to him. She took his hand and helped him up.

"But-- I mean-- Titans are everywhere! You can't jump and carry me on your back, that's--"

"Come on, Let's move," Connie said and grabbed Armin's arm as the three of us began running, dragging the blonde behind us. As we ran, I heard the Titan from before roaring behind us and I felt a small chill at the sound.

Suddenly, Armin exclaimed, "No!" and shoved Connie off of him. We all stopped and turned to look at him. "Hold on! I have an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What is it? If it involves leaving anyone behind I will not hesitate to knock you out and drag your unconscious body to HQ." I threatened.

"Um, no..." Armin gulped, "Only you three are capable of pulling this off, so it's really your choice. This may sound crazy, but I think he might be useful." Armin said, directing behind him.

"Whoa, you mean the Titan?" Connie asked.

"He only attacks his own kind," Armin said. "He seems to have no interest in us. What if we can somehow steer him to HQ and let him loose on the other Titans? Look, we know he's taken out at least one already. We can use him as a weapon!"

"You have got to be kidding!" Connie exclaimed, "How the hell do you think we're supposed to steer that thing!"

"Well, something tells me he's fighting on instinct. I'm almost sure if you take down the pair he's tangling with now, he'll go look for others. That'd lead him straight to HQ. We're not steering him so much as luring him. I think it'll work. I really do."

"Think? You're asking us to risk our necks on a stupid gut feeling?" Connie shouted.

"If I'm right about this, we can put down the siege on headquarters in one fell swoop!" the blonde shouted back.

"It's worth a shot," Mikasa said.

"What she said," I agreed. 

"Huh?" Connie exclaimed, shouting in our faces, "Seriously?!"

"Better to take a gamble on Armin's gut feeling than wait around to be slaughtered." Mikasa started.

"Armin's smart as hell." I interjected, "We have a good shot at getting all four of us back to HQ, why not take it?"

"So basically, we're going to recruit a Titan?!" The nearly bald boy exclaimed. 

"Yes. Exactly." Mikasa replied.

Connie sighed and thought for a moment, before smirking. "We'll look like morons if we screw this up."

Armin smiled nervously, "Yeah. But if we don't look how many lives we stand to save."

"Where there's a will here's a way." 

"We've got enough will for an entire damn Garrison." We started running and took off from the building. Mikasa and I surged forward, as I sliced the nape of a Titan near where the abnormal was standing fighting another. We passed just as it was finishing it off, and yet it never even gave us a second glance. It immediately focused its attention on the direction of HQ.

~

Mikasa crashed through one of the remaining windows leading inside HQ, and I followed behind with Connie carrying Armin on my tail. "Mikasa you're--" I heard Jean say, but I wasn't paying attention to him. I immediately looked to make sure Connie and Armin had both made it in safely.

"Wow. Close one." Connie grinned, "I was running on fumes." he knocked on his near-empty tank, "We made it here, though. Crazy, but we did!"

"Absolutely Batshit. Better tell your grandkids about this one day." I grinned at him.

He snorted, "Gotta make it out of here, first." Connie slapped Armin on the back, "You're a certified genius! From now on, far as I'm concerned, your word is the law!"

"Smart philosophy to live by." I smiled. 

"Check it out!" Connie exclaimed, and we finally paid attention to Jean. "We found an abnormal that's got a bone to pick with its own kind. And the best part? He couldn't care less about us! That's right, you heard me. This big beautiful Son of a Bitch's our ticket out of here!"

"You mean like fighting fire with fire?" A soldier I didn't know asked. 

"Listen to yourself. A Titan's not gonna help us!" Jean exclaimed. "You're out of your mind if you think this can work--"

"It is working," Mikasa said firmly.

"For whatever reason, he's rampaging against them. Just sit back, let him do his thing, and stay out of it. You'll see." I said pointedly. "Even if you don't believe us, what choice do we have? He's killing Titans left and right the least we could do is use it to our advantage."

~

"Right. Now that we're further in the building, all safe and sound for the time being..." I turned to Mikasa, smiled, and socked her in the side of the face so hard she fell to the ground, "You reckless bitch!" All the people in our immediate vicinity turned to look. She moved to stand up, but I stepped forward and put my foot down on her stomach, "No! Lay there, and listen to me!" I glared, and she stopped struggling. I kneeled down, moving my foot so it was next to her instead of on top of her. "You can't just lead the charge acting all high and mighty, before going on some grief-stricken rampage where you act like a reckless kid with no hindsight! You used too much gas, you screwed up, you fell, and because of that, we lost good soldiers! Hell, we almost lost you!" I shouted in her face. "You aren't the only one who lost someone when Eren died! I can't lose two people on the same day! Not again, you selfish little shit!" I grabbed her by the shirt collar, and she looked at me with a dazed and slightly fearful expression. "Do you understand?" I said, making my voice and features softer. 

I wasn't angry, not really. I was frustrated. One look in her eyes and I saw that she knew. She understood exactly what was going through my head. "Yes." She responded quietly. I got off her and held out a hand, which she accepted before I pulled her to her feet again.

"Good news!" Jean exclaimed, coming out of the back with a group of people. "Courtesy of the Military Police. And covered with a layer of dust," he said, looking down at the box in his hands. After we had gotten the guns out of their crates he asked, "Are you absolutely sure buckshot is the way to go? Seems like we might as well throw spit wads. I mean, c'mon guys. Are guns even effective?"

Armin sighed, "I dunno, but they're bound to be better than nothing." He turned to look at everyone in the room at once, "We're looking at eight Titans in the supply room of the four meters tall variety. If we time this perfectly, this much ammo oughta be enough to do the trick.

"Step one, we lower a group into the area via lift to get the Titans' attention. Step Two, when the Titans come within range, the group fires in all four directions simultaneously, blinding them. Then the hard part. The moment of truth, as it were. Before the Titans have time to recover, eight of us swoop down from the ceiling and strike their vital regions. That's it. That's the plan. It puts all our lives on the line-- We screw up, we're dead. That's a hell of a risk for one attack, but it's our only chance. Eight people have to slay seven Titans in one blow, at the same time." He glanced around, "We're gonna need the best of you. The eight soldiers most physically gifted and adept with their paring blades. You'll be the difference between life and death for the rest of us. I'm sorry. That's how it is."

"Seems like a sound plan." Reiner cut in.

Annie shrugged, "When you get right down to it, the risk is the same for everyone. Doesn't really matter who goes."

Armin still struggled, "Look, I-- I'm willing to be talked out of this. One half-baked strategy can't be our only option, right?"

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself." Marco said encouragingly, "C'mon, with what we're looking at? 'Cause for our only option, it's pretty well-thought-out. If we give it our all, we might just pull this off!"

"It'll be fine. That brain of yours is going to change the world someday, I just know it. Especially if.." I trailed off and shook my head. Especially if after all this, you're still going to be willing to join me in the Scout Regiment. Even without Eren.

"You just have to be confident," Mikasa assured. "You're a better strategist than you give yourself credit for. That mind's saved Eren and me more than once."

"When did I ever save you? That's not--" 

Suddenly there was a loud noise, and another soldier said, "Alright, the lift's ready to go. Guns are loaded to the stocks. Let's go kill some Titans!"

"You didn't realize it at the time. We can talk about it later." Mikasa finished, basically shrugging it off. Armin looked at me, but I shrugged and followed Mikasa. 

~

"Okay, I'm gonna ask the obvious question. Can we do this without ODM gear?" Connie asked on our way down.

"No problem. These guys are only four meters tall. Their weak spots are not too far above eye level." Reiner replied.

"He's right." Jean confirmed, "Size won't be an issue; the spot's still only one meter high and ten centimetres across."

"Back of the head, to the nape of the neck!" Sasha exclaimed.

"Worst comes to worst, you can always just shove one of these up their ass. That's the other weak spot." Reiner joked. 

I snorted, but Connie was a little slow. "Are you serious? That's news to me!"

"Did I miss a day of training or something?" Sasha asked, just as clueless as Connie.

"Come on. Knock it off, Reiner. You want your final words to be an ass joke?" Jean scolded.

~

As I watched the lift lower down, I heard a few of the people inside it whispering with one another. When a Titan turned to look at them one guy made a noise of shock and fear, but Marco immediately rained him in. "Don't lose your cool! Fire only when they're all within range!" He commanded. We watched, standing by as the Titans walked closer and closer to our comrades. Then, suddenly, "FIRE!"

Immediately everyone's guns went off in a blaze, taking out the eyes of the Titans below, before the eight of us swooped down, and I slashed my blades over my Titan's nape as I fell to the ground, hitting my mark dead on. "Got it!" I heard Mikasa exclaim from her spot on the ground next to me. "How are you guys?"

"Peachy," I said, before turning to look at everyone else. I watched Titan bodies fall, six in total. 

"Sasha and Connie missed!" Bertholdt yelled.

"Lead 'em the hell back!" Jean commanded. I watched helplessly from an unstable position on the ground as the one Titan lunged for Sasha, and she jumped out the way in time. I watched as it fell to the ground, saw an opportunity, and was immediately sprinting. I pushed off the ground without any ODM gear to back me up and sliced the Titan's nape before it could move a muscle. I saw movement in my peripheral and looked in time to see Annie jump and take down the Titan threatening Connie. 

"Alicia!" Sasha shouted as I got down, "You saved my life!"

I smiled, slightly uncomfortable because of her crying, "It's nothing. Are you okay?"

"Because of you I am!" She hollered.

I sighed, "Get off the floor then, you big oaf."

"They're all dead!" Jean proclaimed. "Start loading up supplies!"

~

"Ready people? Let's do this!" One other Cadet called out before a huge batch of them took off on newly fully loaded ODM gear. I was about to join them before Armin pointed out Mikasa on the roof. The two of us used our gear and joined her. 

"What are you doing? We have to leave now!" Armin said once we were at her side, but she wasn't listening. 

"Look. Down There." I followed her gaze, and my eyes widened at what I saw. At least four Titans were chewing on the Abnormal that had saved us.

"Cannibalism?" Armin exclaimed. "Can he not regenerate like the others?"

"Maybe he's out of stamina or something... He was a lot stronger than the others, which must take some serious amounts of energy." I reasoned.

"This may sound stupid, but I was hoping he'd be the key for us. That he'd help mankind break the cycle. Turn the tide just long enough to give us a little ray of hope." Mikasa said.

I shook my head and sighed, "I was too."

"She's right," Reiner said. It startled me, but I turned and saw him, Annie, Bertholdt, and Jean where I hadn't noticed them arriving before. "He's too valuable to just let die. There's too much we can learn from him. I think it's perfectly clear our priority should be to ward the scavengers off him. He's no good to us picked apart."

"Are you out of your mind?!" Jean exclaimed. "We've got a path out of this nightmare and you wanna stay?"

"Think about it." Annie reasoned, "Having an abnormal as an ally would be an incredible advantage, right? A cannon's got nothing on a Titan who likes to rip apart his own kind."

"You-- Do you hear yourself?" Jean asked, "He's not like a new friend!"

Suddenly there were more footsteps, and Armin gasped at the sight of another Titan approaching, "Oh no! It's the one that ate Thomas!" My eyes widened as I watched it approach, and I drew my blades, but all of a sudden there was a big commotion by the abnormal and the next thing I knew it was pushing through the Titans ripping it apart as if imbued with new energy, screaming its head off and getting its body parts ripped off as it ran towards the new Titan. It reached out as far as it could and bit off the nape of the Titan that Armin had revealed killed Thomas. It gripped on by the nape and used the Titan's limp body to attack the others, throwing it around by the neck like a ragdoll. Once it was finished, it yelled out one more time, before completely collapsing.

We all gasped slightly, shocked at the sudden burst of energy right before death, "Fight or flight? Maybe some last ditch effort of survival..." I muttered, trying to comprehend what had happened. Then, I saw a vague figure among the steam. I watched as it slowly cleared, the figure becoming clearer and clearer as more steam evaporated. I could hear Jean saying something, but all I could focus on was holding my breath as I watched the Titan corpse. Then, the figure moved. It sat up, emerging from the nape. Mikasa reacted before I could even fully comprehend what I was seeing. She headed towards the ground, and I said, "Oh my god..." before leaping to join her. 

"Alicia! Mikasa!" Armin called after us, but we ignored him. I was only focused on getting as close to the Titan corpse as quickly as possible, trying to confirm what I thought I saw. Mikasa landed and started running, myself following closely behind her, but she was moving so much faster than I could manage at that moment, adrenaline carrying her as it had earlier. We finally reached the body, and Mikasa surged forward, grabbing on to the figure that emerged from it. 

I felt a tear well in my eye, as I froze in shock, "Eren?"


	25. Bend and Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron bars will Bend and Break...
> 
> Bend and Break...
> 
> Bend and Break...
> 
> Iron bars will Bend and Break, my fair lady...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Foul Language/Cursing

The Titan assault on Trost left us reeling. Owing at least in part to the Scout Regiment's absence at the time, military casualties were profound. 

Ironically, they'd embarked on a reconnaissance mission beyond the wall that very morning. 

The Scout Regiment's primary function is to establish bases of expansion. Acting as a spearhead for human knowledge. Theirs is a solemn and dangerous honour. 

Thanks to the ingenuity of its exemplary members, the regiment's survival rates have improved. That said, excursions into long relinquished territory still commonly result in a death-toll exceeding 30%. 

A stark illustration of the disparity between our own strength and that of the Titans.

~

"All of you... You're all gonna die..." the brunette grumbled, a sadistic smile on his face as he spoke in a daze.

"E-Eren?" Armin asked from his place kneeling next to the boy, his eyes wide in shock. Suddenly, his eyes seemed to regain focus and he gasped, looking out at the people in front of him. 

"You alright?" Mikasa asked.

"Look at me. Eren, hey, can you move?" Armin said worriedly, "Can you hear me? Say something! Listen, you've got to tell them everything! They're terrified but they'll understand!" I looked out at the line of Garrison soldiers surrounding us. Mikasa and I were standing between them, and where Armin and Eren were on the ground. 

"Armin, what--" Eren started to speak for the first time since he snapped back to reality, but he was interrupted by rambling Garrison soldiers.

"You catch that? He said we're all gonna die."

"There's not much else you can make of that. Son of a Bitch wants to eat us. You watch!"

"Cadets Eren Jager, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, and Alicia!" The Garrison captain in front of us called out, "The four of you have jointly committed an act of high treason! Whether or not a swift execution is the result depends on you!"

"Oh yeah?!" I yelled, "And what act is that? You have no idea what's going on, just like the rest of us!"

He ignored me with a glare and a clenched jaw, "Any attempt to move from where you stand now, anything I deem the least bit suspicious, will be met with cannon fire." He glared specifically at me, "Do not test me."

"I'll show you testing son of a bitch..." I mumbled so only I could hear.

"Answer Carefully. Eren Jaeger. What exactly are you? Human? or Titan?" he asked, his face filled with fear and anger simultaneously. 

"I'm sorry, sir! I don't understand!" Eren exclaimed. I furrowed my eyebrows. How could he not understand?

The captain grumbled something then shouted, "Answer me, Damn you! Evasion will get you nowhere! Don't try to stall with pretend ignorance! You won't stand a chance! You'll be blown to hell before you can assume your true form!"

"What true form?" Eren asked, still seeming as though he could not understand. 

"Please! Scores of us saw it happen! You emerged from the carcass of a fallen Titan in full view of your comrades!"

"Scores?! As far as I can tell, there were only seven of us, and not a single one of the people currently pointing blades at myself and my friends were one of them!" I shouted, anger seething in my voice. How dare he?

"This is your last warning, Cadet!" He shouted at me, "A creature of unknown origin, ability, or allegiance has slipped through and infiltrated Wall Rose, and that creature is you, Eren Jaeger. Under the circumstances, your being sanctioned by His Majesty is neither here nor there. You are a risk I am well within my rights to eliminate! I will not let the situation stand!"

"Screw your warnings!" I defied angrily, "Eren has done nothing but save and protect his comrades time and time again all day, and you're calling him a threat?! What kind of ludicrousy is that?!"

"One more word out of your mouth, Cadet Alicia and I'll have you executed!" He shouted angrily. I nearly scoffed. As if that was the first time some half-wit bureaucrat had threatened me with execution. "Every moment I squander mulling over your supposed innocence puts us all in further jeopardy from attack by the Armored Titan!" He continued shouting, "Hell! For all I'm aware, you're a tactical diversion precisely for that purpose! I'm sorry. Humanity's fate hangs in the balance! I cannot waste any more time or manpower on you! Do you understand?"

"For someone in a time crunch, you sure do talk a lot," I said, more to Mikasa standing next to me, blades also drawn, than anyone else. 

"My conscience will not falter to watch you die!" He yelled, and I knew he likely hadn't heard me.

"Nor should it." His right hand said, finally speaking up. "As soldiers, they all know the price of their position. If they're this committed to defiance under threat of death, so be it. They won't be persuaded. And as you say, it's just a waste of time."

"Sir, please! This may be our best chance!"

"We'll expend far less artillery if he's in human form!"

"Excuse me," Mikasa said, stepping forward. "I wouldn't. Not while WE'RE standing here. Unless anyone's feeling up to the task, in which case, well, I'm happy to demonstrate my own technique. On you, and every last inch of your traitorous flesh."

I stepped forward as well, joining her at her side, "I mean, I do hope it doesn't come to that... but if it does, know that I won't back down. I'd hate to have to get dirty. But if I must..." I said, a small glaring smirk occupying my face. 

I watched as a soldier on the Captain's left leaned in and started saying something. "Okay. Somebody talk to me now." Eren said, and I focused on him instead of the Garrison. "The hell is all this?"

"Alicia! Mikasa! You can't take them all on!" Armin exclaimed, trying to make us back down. "Even if you took down a few, there's nowhere left for you to run!"

"Whoever comes at Eren, deals with me. I'll take on the entire regiment if I have to. I don't give a damn what they try to throw at us."

"My life hasn't been the most noble, but if I can do this one god damn thing... Even if it means my death means shit for Humanity..." I glanced back at the blonde, "Trust me, Armin. We can handle it. They come at us, it'll be their last mistake."

"This isn't the only way!" He protested. "They're just scared. They don't understand what's happening! We need to calm down and talk it out!"

"Talk out what, huh? WE don't even know what's happening!" I said, staring out at the Garrison. 

"One more time!" The Garrison captain exclaimed, snapping our attention back to him. "Are you a human being or a Titan?" the three of us looked back at Eren. I could feel my palms sweating slightly in their grip on my blades. 

"I'M HUMAN!" 

Everything was silent. Not one of us moved a muscle as we watched the faces of every Garrison member standing before us, including that of their Captain. "So you say," he said, suddenly.

"No.." I mumbled. This wasn't happening. I seriously thought... just for a moment, that maybe he was competent enough to see past his fear. To react to Eren's answer with some dignity, some sense of reason...

"I'm left with no choice." He slowly started lifting his arm, "Forgive me. When push comes to shove, all of us are monsters." His hand raised completely. 

Immediately we all reacted in sync. "Armin, Alicia! Head for the wall! I've got Eren!" Mikasa shouted.

"Wait, no--" Eren protested before Mikasa scooped him up and we all started running. Before we could react, though, Eren was forcefully toppling out of Mikasa's arms. He grabbed her arm and sprinted towards Armin and I. While I stood in slight shock at his sudden burst of energy, barely a second past and Eren was grabbing on to the two of us, holding us all in a cluster in his arms. I heard the cannon fire before I saw it as everything seemed to move so slowly yet so fast at the same time. Suddenly, before the cannonball could reach us, I saw electricity surrounding our bodies, and there was a loud bang. For a few moments, everything was a blur. There was smoke in my eyes, and I couldn't see. I waved it away, and what I did see horrified me. 

I was on the inside of a giant ribcage. I heard screaming from people in the distance, but I couldn't focus on any one thing. I was sitting in the middle of Mikasa and Armin, and all around us, there were muscle, bone, and tissue. I looked to Armin, who was scared out of his mind, then I looked to Mikasa. She was calm, confused, possibly even sad. I took a deep breath in and brought myself into a controlled state again, then exhaled. I heard creaking above me and looked up to watch as the muscles contracted and expanded. The giant body was moving its head. I heard the Garrison Captain shouting in the distance, but my fascination with the moving body parts was too great for me to truly care what he was blabbering about at that moment. 

"I know I heard them fire the cannon at us, and then--" Armin said, still scared. "Then there was a tremendous crash and a blast of heat." he started nervously rambling, "And apparently, we're now in the innards of a giant skeleton."

"Eren did this for us," Mikasa said before he could continue. "That's all we need to understand for now. 

"Armin! Alicia! Mikasa!" I heard Eren call out, and then I saw him running around the side of the ribcage. he stopped when he reached the entrance. "Hey, are you guys alright?"

"Eren. How'd you--?" Armin asked, not finding the right words.

"I don't know!" Eren exclaimed. "But look. It's already starting to vaporize, just like the corpse of a Titan." I looked up, and sure enough, he was right. What muscle and tissue there was had already nearly entirely disintegrated. "Let's get out of here!"

He stepped out of the way, and we followed him. "Hard to tell if they're watching and waiting, or just totally dazed," he said, staring out at the Garrison. "I suppose it doesn't really matter much either way. I'm sure once the smoke clears they'll resume the attack. After seeing this," He looked up at the decaying Titan torso, "I think we've blown any hope of reasoning with them." He clutched the key around his neck that I had forgotten about between his fingers, "The cellar. I'm starting to remember. This key... Our house in Shiganshina! My father said I'd have to go back there. Everything hinged on it! I think it's why he gave me the power to transform. If I can make it to our cellar, I might learn the Titans' secrets." He looked back up at us. Then, he raised a fist and hit the rib nearest him. "Why did he keep this stuff secret? How many thousands of Scouts have already died because my father didn't share this information? It could be the last chance Humanity has! And the answer's been hidden away under our house this entire time? Is he insane? Damn him!"

Mikasa stepped forward quickly and grabbed his shoulder, "Eren. We have other business to deal with."

He nodded, and we moved along, "Right." We all knelt down on the ground as the skeleton's head fell off, causing another, larger, wave of smoke and debris in the air. "Listen." Eren said to us, "I'm getting out of here."

We all looked at him in shock and Armin asked, "Where? And how?"

"Anywhere but here. Then I head over the wall and straight to Shiganshina." He looked down at his hand, "But I'll have to become a Titan again."

"You can transform at will?" Armin asked.

"To be honest, I don't know how I'm doing it, Armin. I just know that I can!" Eren admitted to us, fearfully. "It's hard to put into words, but it was like reflexive, see? At that moment, my mind subconsciously focused on stopping the cannonball. That's why it's decaying."

"It only had the capacity to meet the task you wanted to complete..." I finished. 

"Exactly," Eren confirmed. He clenched his fist, "Next time I'll be stronger. I'll be a fifteen-meter high Titan-slayer just like I was before!"

"Eren!" Mikasa exclaimed. "Your nose is--" I glanced at him, and saw blood running from his nostrils. 

Eren wiped it off and gazed at the fingers covered in his blood in shock. "Your breathing is erratic," Armin said. "And you're pale! Something's wrong, Eren. You're not well!"

He wiped the remaining blood from his upper lip, "As things stand my health is irrelevant. But I have two ideas. You three could make it outta here alive if you stop trying to protect me. I've brought you nothing but trouble as it is. I'm doing this on my own, from this point forward."

"You're kidding. But I--" Armin started, but he was cut off.

"Eren. I'm coming too." Mikasa said, firmly.

"No way."

"I plan to follow you whether you give me permission to or not. I swear. I'll never leave your side."

"Mikasa, stop it. I'm being serious here! I'm not your little brother and I'm not some snot-nosed toddler!" 

"If she's going, I'm in as well." I chimed in. "I'm not letting you two be reckless idiots on your own, not again." 

Mikasa started to say something, but Eren interrupted the both of us. "Just wait a second, would ya? If you recall, I said I had two ideas." He turned to the blonde boy, who wasn't saying anything. "Armin, I trust you to make the right decision." Armin looked shocked, but Eren continued. "Now hear me out. And yes, I'm aware of how unrealistic this plan is. The best-case scenario? I try to use my Titan ability strategically. Under military direction. This might sound crazy... but if you think you can convince the Garrison Regiment, right here and now, that I present no threat to them, I'll trust you and we'll go with that option. That's my second idea. If you don't think you can get it done, then my last resort is the first idea. You've got fifteen seconds to decide. Think you can get it done? Listen, I'll respect your opinion either way."

"Eren." Armin asked, "Why would you leave such a major decision up to me?"

"because you keep a level head." the brunette replied. "You always choose well, no matter how ugly things get. I figure that's worth relying on."

I smiled lightly, "He's right."

Armin looked between us, in shock, "When have I done that?" 

"C'mon, you do it all the time. Take five years ago. If you hadn't gone to Mr. Hannes for help, Mikasa and I would've been eaten by the Titans." he sat in shock for a moment, before Eren exclaimed again, "Armin! Our time's up!" 

He sat for another moment, before standing up, "I will persuade them, trust me. You three just act as non-aggressively as you possibly can, agreed?" the three of us nodded, and then Armin turned and walked towards the line of Garrison soldiers waiting to attack. He unclasped his ODM gear as he walked, and once it was free he ran the rest of the way, stopping at the edge of the smoke. 

"Is this supposed to be your true form, monster?!" I heard the captain shout, and I grit my teeth, "I don't buy it! I'll give the signal to fire, I mean it!"

"Eren is not a foe of humanity! We're willing to cooperate with Military command and share everything we've learned about his powers!"

"Your pleas fall on deaf ears! He revealed his true form, and because of that threat, he cannot leave here alive! If you insist he's not an enemy of ours, show me proof! Otherwise, we'll blast him back to whatever nightmare he crawled out of!"

"You don't need any proof! The fact of the matter is it doesn't matter what we perceive him to be!"

"What?!"

"Just like my friend said earlier, the reports say hundreds of soldiers saw him. And those who were there say they saw him fighting other Titans! And that means they saw him get swarmed by the Titans as well. To put it plainly, the Titans saw him the same way they see each and every human being: as their prey! And it doesn't matter how you may look at it! That is an irrefutable fact!" She shouted angrily. 

Things were quiet, as I heard the soldiers speaking amongst themselves. They were agreeing with Armin. I glanced at their Captain and saw him in what can only be described as the world's most important moral dilemma. Just as I thought he may see reason, he shouted, "Prepare to attack! Don't let yourself be swayed by his cunning lies!" I gasped, and my eyes widened, "The Titan's behaviour has always been beyond our comprehension!" No, it hasn't you arrogant fool. "I wouldn't put it past 'em to assume human form!" How in the world does that make sense?! "He's speaking our language in an attempt to deceive us!" Titans don't have their own language! He's speaking our language because it's the only one he knows! "I refuse to let them continue this behaviour unchecked!" 

It was hopeless. I watched, my mouth agape as every soldier around him drew their weapons once again, preparing to attack at any moment. They were in a state of mass hysteria, and there was nothing we could do to stop them. I slowly stood up, redrawing my blades slowly as I glared at the soldiers. Armin looked back at us, and Eren nodded. 

The blonde turned back to the crowd, and held a tight salute, "I am a soldier! And I have dedicated my heart to the restoration of humanity, sir! Nothing could make me prouder than dying for such a noble cause! If we were to use his Titan ability and combine it with the manpower we have left, I believe we can do it! We can retake this city! For humanity's glory, in what little time I have left to live, I will advocate his strategic value!"

Eren moved in preparation for taking Titan form, I stood in shock, blades drawn and at the ready, and Mikasa did the same as the Captain ignored Armin's words, and slowly started lifting his hand, before striking it down--

"That's enough." I heard a gruff, familiar voice say. I looked at the Garrison Captain and saw a hand holding back his arm from giving the order to fire. "You should really do something about your nervous disposition, Captain Woerman." the man lowered Woerman's arm, and I saw his face for the first time. My eyes widened, as I stared at a face I hadn't seen in years. 

"C-Commander Pyxis?" Woerman stuttered. 

"Can you not see this soldier's heartfelt salute?" He asked the Captain. He stepped forward, closer to us, and I lowered my blades. "I've only just arrived, but I'm quite aware of our situation." He looked back at Woerman, "Gather our reinforcements. I think we could at least do these young soldiers the favour of hearing them out." Armin collapsed to his knees, breathing heavily. 

I sheathed my blades and surged forward to kneel at his side, "It's okay. We did say you'd get us out of here, didn't we?" I said, putting a hand on his back.

"It couldn't be!" Pyxis exclaimed happily. I looked up from Armin to the older man. "Ah, but it is!" He grinned, "I am glad you restrained yourself. I'm unsure what harm you could have done to my men had you not. It's been quite a while, Alicia. I'm glad to see you again."

I stood up quickly, holding a salute, "As with you, sir!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Two chapters in one day? I'm spoiling you all. Happy Valentine's day : )


	26. Silver and Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Build it up with Silver and Gold...
> 
> Silver and Gold...
> 
> Silver and Gold...
> 
> Build it up with Silver and Gold, my fair lady...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Character Death, Depictions of Violence, Foul Language/Cursing

According to reports from the Scout Regiment, it was anticipated that the Titans would appear from the south. These reports were proven accurate when the Titans attacked Shiganshina District, located on the Southside of Wall Maria. 

Therefore, it was surmised that their next most likely target would be the fortified city of Trost, on the southern side of Wall Rose. 

I watched the older man pace along the edge of the wall between Trost and the rest of Wall Rose. 

Dot Pyxis. The commanding officer responsible for the southern territory. The man in charge of the defence of Trost District. The man given full authority over preserving humanity's most vital remaining territory. 

"Nope. Not any of you." He exclaimed, boredly. "Eaten by a Titan wouldn't be so bad if it was a sexy lady one." 

The man also notorious for being genuinely eccentric. 

Once we had finished telling our story, and what we had learned overall about Eren's Titan ability, Pyxis said, "That's that. So, visiting this cellar should clear everything up?"

"Yes, sir," Eren replied. He still looked drained and was sitting down instead of standing like the rest of us. "Well, at least I think so."

"For the moment, there is no way to validate all of the claims you've made. For now, I'll just catalogue them in here." Pyxis said, tapping the side of his head. "With that said, I can usually tell the difference between the unctuous and the sincere, which is why I personally guarantee your safety." We all breathed a sigh of relief, "Besides, I don't know her very well, but from our brief interactions many years ago, I do not categorize Alicia as one who would go along with something like this unless it were true." He glanced at me. "If I didn't know of your arrangements, I'd be asking for your skill in the Garrison. You'll do very well to serve Humanity, eh?"

"Yes, sir!" I said, saluting.

The others glanced at me in surprise, and I felt like recoiling into myself before Pyxis moved along. "You're Cadet Armin Arlert. Is that correct?"

"Yes sir!" he exclaimed. 

"You mentioned a plan to harness this so-called 'Titan Ability' and then utilize your friend's power to retake the city. Do you believe it could work? Or were you grasping at straws to try and save your hides?"

"Uh, well--" Armin stuttered, "Both, Commander. I was going to suggest that Een, using his strength as a Titan, could lift that giant boulder. We could use it to block off the wrecked gate. That was the best idea I was able to come up with on the spot." He looked down, "I-I just wanted to make everyone see how Eren's ability might provide a solution to the problem we all face."

"Hm," Pyxis grumbled, turning to look out over Trost once more. 

"Granted, I was pretty desperate to survive," Armin added quickly.

Pyxis didn't move. "'Desperate to Survive', Huh?" he asked, "That's as credible a reason as any, son." he started unscrewing the cap of his flask and took a sip. He finished and put the flask away again before approaching and kneeling in front of Eren. "What do you say, Cadet Jaeger?"

Eren looked up at him, "Say, sir?"

"That hole. Do you think you can plug it up, son?" he asked. 

Eren looked unsure, "Well I-- I don't know. It's possible. But at the moment, I don't understand my power any more than you do. It's just, I sort of feel irresponsible giving you an answer. 'Cause I don't really know."

"Ah, yes." Pyxis smiled, "Of course, my apologies. I asked you the wrong question. Are you willing to, Cadet Jaeger, or not?"

Things were silent, as we all looked back upon the expanse of Wall Rose, which eventually formed into Wall Sina as well. Then, Eren turned back to Pyxis. "I'll do it. I'll do it!" He exclaimed, "I don't know if I can seal that hole. But... I will! I swear."

Pyxis nodded and patted the brunette's shoulders. "Excellently said. You have the heart of a lion." He stood up and walked over to the side of the wall, waving down, "Staff officers, hup! We have a plan to flesh out!" 

Armin gasped, "Wait, we--? We can't actually be moving forward with this as our linchpin strategy. It was just something I tossed out there."

"I was thinking the same thing," Eren said, and we turned to look at him. "Except, he seems like a guy who knows what he's doing. Has it all under control, like we can't see the forest for the trees, but he's got a bird's eye view."

"You think so?" Armin asked.

"I do. Either way, though, we've got a whole other problem to address before we can get your plan off the ground. And my gut tells me that the Commander's keenly aware of it." 

"From now on, Titans aren't Eren's only enemy." I filled in, "'Hell is other people'".

"Look sharp, soldiers," Pyxis said, appearing behind us with a few other Garrison soldiers. Eren stood up finally, as well. "The fate of mankind rests on your shoulders." 

~

"Alicia, would you mind telling us exactly how you know Commander Pyxis?" Armin asked once the man in question and Eren were gone. 

"I hate to admit, but I am curious as well," Mikasa interjected.

I looked at the two of them, and sighed, "It was a while ago. Before the Cadets. We're nothing more than friendly acquaintances. We met once, maybe twice in total. He was meeting with some people my brother and I know, and I just happened to be there when it went down." 

"He seems to know a lot about you for a friendly acquaintance," Mikasa said warily.

I smiled slightly and rolled my eyes, "Whatever he knows about me is wither pure guesswork or things he heard about me from my brother and those people we know." I looked them dead on, "We can talk about this more later, but right now we need to focus on retaking Trost. It's not the first time you've had to wait for answers."

~

The three of us stood back, as Eren stood beside the Commander a the edge of the wall, looking out at the mass of soldiers on the ground. "ATTENTION!" he yelled, and everyone quickly composed themselves and gazed up at him. "Take note. The blueprint of the Trost Recovery Operation is this; Our primary objective is to reseal the hole. Yes, you heard right. What's more, it will be done manually. As for how the task will be done, that's where this fellow comes in." Eren stepped forward, "Allow me to introduce Cadet Eren Jaeger." He saluted, and I could only imagine what our comrades below were thinking. "Don't let appearances deceive you. This young man is in fact the successful product of cutting-edge science. Fantastic as this may sound, Cadet Jaeger possesses the ability to fabricate and control a Titan body, at will. Recall the massive boulder roughly a league from the gate. Having assumed Titan form, Cadet Jaeger will hoist said boulder on his back, schlep it to the hole, and voila!" He exclaimed. "And this is where you all come in! Your job will be to defend him. Yes. Defend a Titan against his own kind."

I tuned out from the Commanders explanation and turned back to what Armin was talking about. "What do you mean we don't actually need to fight them?" One of the soldiers asked.

"There's an easier way." Armin explained, "Sorry, I know it's not my place to interrupt. I mean no disrespect."

"it's alright, just go on with what you were saying." the soldier assured.

"Right. Thank you, sir." He turned back to the map, "See, whatever else is going on around them, Titans are generally drawn to large groups of people. If enough of us collected in the corner away from the breach, we could lure the Titans out of Eren's path. He could be discrete about moving the boulder. He also won't have to slow his pace while we fight the others off of him. And since the Titans will all be in one area, we can pick them off via cannon fire without incurring casualties of our own. Now I'm not suggesting we leave Eren defenceless. That'd be too risky. We'll need a modest band of elites to act as his bodyguards. There's no way of knowing how many Titans might go through the hole while he's trying to patch it up. His security detail will need to be able to handle them."

"Easy enough, I think." The soldier from before replied, "We can retool the plan around that."

Armin looked back up at him, "The thing is, we're making a huge assumption here. Namely that Eren even in full-on Titan mode is strong enough to move the rock. I mean, to be perfectly honest, there's very little reason to suppose he can. I have my doubts. Serious ones."

"As do I. Sending people to their doom on a whim isn't a tactic I'm fond of. Uncertainty's killed too many already. But the Commander's right. We must do this." The soldier replied.

"Agreed." Another female soldier intercepted, "We're working against the clock here. Titans are still lumbering into Trost as we speak. They're already maybe more than we can handle, frankly. The longer we wait, the worse our chances of success become." 

"And it goes without saying, the better our chances they'll bust through Wall Rose and wreak untold havoc."

"There's something else, too. Even the bravest of us can't indefinitely bottle our fear. Not before something gives."

~

"I'm so sorry, Eren," Armin said later, while we were preparing to move forward with the plan. "I was just talking out of my head. It wasn't my intention for you to be pulled into all this."

"Stop apologizing," Eren insisted. "The fact is, you have a gift for strategy and you know it. I believe in you, Armin."

"Eren. I really think I should--" Mikasa started, but she was cut off, as expected.

"You're not coming with me."

I muttered, "Oh boy." 

"You're on the decoy squad. Period."

"No way! I'm not leaving you alone!" She exclaimed. 

"He won't be alone, Mikasa..." I said, trying to deescalate things. 

"I won't take another chance--"

"Knock it the hell off!" Eren yelled. "Get it through your head that I'm not your responsibility! You're not my mother!"

Mikasa looked to the ground before we heard a voice call out, "Ackerman! Alicia!" we turned to see one of the people from Eren's Protection squad. "I want you two on the squad that'll be providing Jaeger with backup." Mikasa gave a breathy smile, "We'll need your skill. Hop to. Let's get this started."

I gave Eren a shit-eating grin, "Point; Mikasa Ackerman!"

"Asshole."

"You know it!"

~

As we ran along the wall towards the gate, our squad leader (Ian, I learned.) spoke up, "Let's get this straight. Whatever you are, all I care about is you getting that rock in place. Can we count on you?"

"Yes, sir! I won't let you down." Eren confirmed.

Mikasa pushed ahead slightly so she was running next to Eren, "You're absolutely sure you're gonna be alright to do this?"

"I've got it," Eren growled.

"Seriously--"

"How many times do you want me to say it?" Eren asked, "You just go do your job and I'll do mine."

"Give it a rest you two, or I'll kill you both and plug up the damn wall myself," I exclaimed angrily, trying to defuse the argument without picking sides.

One of our squad members (Rico) interjected, "She's right, now isn't the time to be playing house."

"It isn't like that--" Eren protested.

"I'm gonna say what we're all thinking here," our third comrade (Mitabi) said, "the fact that the fate of mankind depends on a little brat like you doesn't make me hopeful."

"Ain't that the truth." I snorted.

"All of you, stop it! Right now!" Ian scolded. "We're about to be in range of the giant boulder. I'm not seeing any Titans nearby. The decoy strategy must be doing the trick."

"Something I want you to be aware of, Jeager," Rico said out of the blue. "Make no mistake. More than a few of our comrades are going to die today trying to pull this off. Their blood's on your hands." She paused a moment to let that sink in, "I'm talking friends. Captains. Lieutenants. Peons. Yes, they are soldiers. They are prepared to die. But remember, every one of them is a flesh and blood person. Every one of them has dreams. Hopes. Fears. Every one of them has a name. Alyosha. Dominic. Fine. Isabel." I winced. She just had to draw that name out of the pot. " Ludwig. Martina. Guido. Hans. They're not pawns. They're people. Some have been living together like family since their cadet years. This may well be the end of them. Whole families snuffed out in an instant." I couldn't help but think back, just for a brief moment. Farlan, Isabel, Levi, and I were a family. And with one fatal swoop, a single Titan had destroyed us. "Whatever you think your mission is, Jaeger, your first and foremost concern today is making sure their deaths mean something. Whatever happens, you keep that lodged in your mind. Take everything that comes with deadly seriousness."

"Right!" Eren agreed. I glanced to the side for just a moment to watch the sun that had been slowly drifting down for the past few hours. It had been such an eventful day. Losing Eren, nearly losing Mikasa, discovering Eren hadn't been lost and could transform into a Titan, and now here we were. About to make history by being the first to retake land from the Titans. We hadn't even graduated and we were already on our way to going down in textbooks for future Cadets to read. 

Suddenly, Ian called out, "This is the place. Let's do it!" and we turned abruptly to jump down. I heard a flare gun go off behind us and knew Rico was signalling Commander Pyxis. I twisted left and right through the buildings, keeping distance between Eren and myself but still staying nearby. I watched in awe as there was a familiar flash of lightning, and then where moments ago Eren had been falling, stood a 15-meter tall Titan clouded in smoke. I landed on a building nearby with the rest of the squad as I heard a loud crash which I took to be Eren's footstep. 

Then, as the smoke around his body cleared, he tilted his head back and let out an ear-piercing shriek. I grinned as he stepped in front of the boulder he needed to lift in order to plug the wall. My grin promptly faltered as he turned around to face those of us standing on the roof. I furrowed my eyebrows as he took a step towards Mikasa, and I felt full-blown shock course through my body as he slammed his fist full force into the spot she was standing on the roof. I moved quickly and leaped on the top of a nearby chimney, catching a glimpse of where she had momentarily avoided his attack. What had gotten into him? "Ackerman!" Ian shouted as Eren aimed to make another hit, and Mikasa jumped out of the way just in time. She used her ODM gear to hoist herself up and grab on to Eren's hair. 

"Mikasa! No!" I shouted as she hung in front of his face, foot leaned against his forehead. 

"Hey! Ackerman! Stand down! Now!" Ian called out from beside me. "Get away from him!"

"MIKASA, GET DOWN!" I called desperately. 

"Eren, don't you know who I am?" She asked. "It's me, Mikasa! Your family! You have to use the boulder to seal the hole!" I heard a flare gun firing behind me and spun to look back as I watched the red smoke rise into the sky. Of course. The mission had failed. 

I quickly turned back to Mikasa, who was still trying to talk some sense into Eren. I watched as he clenched a fist, and I screamed, "MIKASA, MOVE! HE'S GONNA HIT YOU!" She glanced down and jumped out of the way just in time as Eren hit himself in the head. He lost his footing from the blow and fell to the ground. He appeared to be unconscious. 

"What the?" Mitabi exclaimed, "He's just like any other stupid Titan!"

"Eren!" Mikasa called out.

I heard someone call out from behind where the five of us had gathered, "Captain Ian! Two Titans approaching from the front! A 10-meter and a 6-meter. Another from the rear, as well. One 12-meter coming this way!"

I turned to face Ian, and Mitabi exclaimed, "Ian, we have to retreat! Look at him. There's no way that hole is getting sealed!"

"Yeah..." Rico agreed, "We have no choice but to leave him here."

"No way!" I exclaimed, making Rico look at me, "I'm not doing shit until I hear it directly from Ian's mouth!" I looked our captain dead in the eyes, "What are your orders, Sir?"

"Hey, what's wrong?" Mitabi asked Ian. "You heard her, give the order and we all get out! Ian, it wasn't your fault! The plan was always a long shot. Everyone knew that. It was worth trying and we took our best shot! Come on! Our squads will climb the walls!" He turned and started towards the wall. Mikasa got angry began to take after him, but Ian put an arm in front of her.

"Wait..." He finally said. "Calm down, Ackerman."

He looked back at the others. "Rico, your squad will handle the 12-meter Titan behind us. Mitabi's squad and mine will take the two in front."

"WHAT?!" Rico shouted. 

"I'm the one they left in charge!" Ian shouted back. "Shut up and follow your orders!" He lowered his arm that was holding back Mikasa. "We can't leave Jaeger defenceless. I'm changing the plan. We protect Jeager from the Titans until we can retrieve him." He looked over to where the brunette's Titan form was sitting, unconscious. "He's still valuable as one of humanity's last hopes. We cannot just abandon him like this. We can be replaced, but he can't." 

"The failure of that dysfunctional human weapon has already cost several hundred lives!" Rico cried out, "You're saying we should bring him back, so this can happen again?!"

"That's right," Ian said firmly. "We must try as many times as necessary, regardless of the cost in lives!"

"Ian, are you serious?!"

"How else should Humanity defeat the Titans?! Rico, tell me! Is there any other way to get ourselves out of this mess? Some way to maintain our human dignity, without more deaths?! How can we counter the Titan's overwhelming advantage over us?" 

"As if I'd know of a way to defeat them!"

Whow. Deja vu. Isn't that what Angel said? The ODM gear was his invention. His way of overcoming the Titan's drastic height advantage. What if Eren... "Eren is our level playing field," I said suddenly. "He's our chance at destroying the Titan advantage." I looked up, and saw my squad members staring at me, "We need to protect him because he's our new hope. Even ODM gear was seen as horrific and unlikely to be harnessed before its time. Now, look at us. Every soldier within a mile's radius has two gas tanks and Titan Killing blades strapped to their bodies." I clenched my jaw, "We have to be willing to sacrifice everything so that we can have even a sliver of hope at defeating the Titans one day! Right now, all of that starts with us protecting Eren!" 

Ian nodded, "This is the only battle we can fight. It's pathetic, but as humans, it's all we can do. This is the struggle we've been allowed to engage. Your orders are clear, obey them."

Rico clenched her jaw. "I can't accept that." and started walking away.

"Rico!"

"I'll obey the order. I think what you've said is right. But as we struggle and sacrifice everything, we'll show them how terrifying humans can be." She grit her teeth, "I refuse to die for nothing. Leave the 12-meter behind us to my squad." then she walked off.

Mitabi started walking in the opposite direction, "Let's go. Our target will be the two in the front." 

"Yeah.." Ian mumbled, still in slight shock.

Mikasa approached him, "Thank you, Captain Ian."

"Ackerman, there's no need to thank me. The fact of the matter  
is I was petrified of the mess you two were about to get into." He said, looking at the both of us. "But you're free now. So do your thing. Make good use of that inborn skill." 

"Yes, sir!" we replied. 

He looked at Mikasa, "Go save the man you love."

Mikasa blushed, "It's not like that!" she called out as he took off. Once Ian was gone, we both turned to look at Eren. "Did you mean what you said?" she asked me.

I snorted, "Which part?"

"That Eren is our new hope."

I took a deep breath and stared down at his unconscious Titan form. "A friend of mine used to tell me stories about ODM gear, and how it got to the point it is now. The first person to ever truly master the use of ODM gear was an outcast. Everyone feared him and doubted his ability. But, he prevailed. Brought Humanity new hope in the form of this gear." I knocked on the metal attached to my waist twice, "I believe that with the proper support, Eren can be our newest hope." I furrowed my eyebrows, "Mikasa, the damaged parts aren't regenerating--"

She examined him again, then her eyes blew wide, "You're right. What in the world-- What if... is it from his earlier damage? What if he can't--"

"Calm down." I put my hand on her shoulder, "We'll find answers to all those questions later. Right now, we just need to do whatever we can."

~

"You take the right one!" Mikasa called out to me as we closed in on two Titans. The one on the left had its back turned, but the one on the right was facing us.

"Copy!" I shouted back and swerved, latching onto a chimney nearby. I swung around, then released an anchor into the Titan's neck before pulling in and carving out its nape. I landed on the roof next to Mikasa.

"This is bad!" one of the soldiers called out, "Behind us!" I turned and my eyes widened as I saw another Titan that had climbed up the roof of the building next to us. 

"One 13-meter!" another soldier called out, "It's approaching Jeager!" 

I grit my teeth, and then another soldier called out again. "More Titans coming in through the hole!" I quickly turned and watched as four more Titans emerged from Wall Maria. "Four Titans, probably 10-meters!"

"Ackerman. Alicia. Take the one behind us." Ian ordered.

"Sir!" we replied and started heading in its direction. 

"Don't let it near Jeager!"

Before I could do anything, Mikasa latched on to the Titan climbing over a building and cut out the nape. She landed on top of its head, and I fell to the roof beside her. I looked out across the city before us and spotted at least four Titans headed in our general direction. "Why the hell are there so many Titans?!" I asked. 

Mikasa shook her head, "I don't know, do you think Eren could be drawing them in?"

"It's possible." I replied, "Maybe his ability has some side effects."

"Alicia! Mikasa!" My eyes shot in the direction of the voice, only to see Armin standing on top of Eren's Titan form. "What happened to the plan?!" he asked. "What happened to Eren?!"

"Armin, get back!" I shouted, "It's dangerous to be that close to him right now!"

"Eren is unable to enact his will through that Titan!" Mikasa cried out, "I spoke to it, but it didn't recognize me!" I couldn't help but wonder how much truth there was in her words... No. I had to stay focused on the task at hand, even if just for the time being. "There's no point in anyone else trying!"

"What about the plan?" Armin asked. 

"We had to shift gears!" I shouted. "We're all fighting because we can't leave Eren! There are too many!"

"Before long, they'll wipe us out!" Mikasa exclaimed. Armin looked like he was taking her words into consideration, as he turned to look back at Eren. Then, he pulled out one of his blades.

"Armin!" I shouted, "What are you doing?!"

"I'm pulling him out of here! You just hold off the other Titans as long as you can!!" Armin shouted in return. 

"But--" Mikasa muttered next to me.

"When Eren first emerged from this form, it was from the weak spot." he anchored himself to Eren's Titan form at the sides, and my eyes widened. "I dunno. But something tells me that's a big part of the picture." he raised his blade, "It'll be alright. As long as I don't hit the center. This won't kill him. But, well, it is going to hurt. A lot."

"NO!" Mikasa cried out as he struck his blade down into the nape. Eren's Titan roared in agony and shook around, trying to dislodge the blade. 

"Stop it! You'll get yourself killed!" I shouted at Armin. 

"I'm fine! Just do what you can to keep the rest at bay! Trust me, there's tons of other people you should be worried about! Now leave Eren to me and go do what you two do best!" He screamed back. I looked to Mikasa. She took a sharp inhale before she nodded and we both took off to try and save as many lives as we could. 

"We've got this, Captain!" I cried out as we reached Captain Ian and Mitabi's squads once again. "We'll join up with Mitabi squad!" 

~

I was wiping Titan blood off my face when I first heard it. A slow and steady thump. thump. thump. It can't be. I slowly moved my eyes in the direction of where Eren and the boulder had been... except Eren was no longer on the ground. He was standing up, the boulder clutched in his hands above his head. Eren Jaeger was slowly carrying the boulder all the way to the gate. For a moment, I couldn't move. That is until I heard Armin cry out, "Alicia! Mikasa!" as he landed on the roof next to the two of us. 

"Armin!" I gasped. "What happened?!"

The blonde grinned, "He came out of it somehow! We're set! He's determined to see the mission through to the end! As long as we've got his back while he heads for the wall, victory will be ours!"

I felt a smile tug at my face, as I heard Captain Ian cry out from next to us, "Defend him! To the last man if that's what it comes to! Eren must reach the gate! I don't want a single Titan anywhere near him!" all around us, soldiers began reacting to his commands. He turned to us, "The three of you, go! I want you with Eren immediately! Hop to, soldiers! That's an order!"

"Yes, sir!" We yelled. We watched for a moment more as Mitabi's squad ran along the ground, trying to lead the Titans away from Eren before Ian's squad went after them. 

"We should go too," Mikasa said, and then the three of us were off. We landed in front of Eren and started running ahead as he walked behind us. I maneuvered through the buildings, chopping down three Titans and leaving a path of destruction in my wake. I heard a scream from my right and turned just in time to see Ian helping another soldier out of a Titan's mouth. I changed course, and moved as fast as I could, desperate to reach the Titan and hop it down, but...

I didn't make it in time. Ian was crushed under the weight of the Titan's teeth, and I couldn't stop it. I suppressed any sadness or grief I might have felt and moved on. A Titan made its way to approach Eren and I sprung into action, anchoring my gear into its nape and cutting out a chunk as I passed. I heard a yell as Mikasa cut down a Titan in Eren's path, and he took his last few steps, before the boulder fell from his hands, and blocked up the entrance to the city of Trost. I collapsed to my knees on top of the building I was standing one, my mouth slightly agape and tears welling in the corners of my eyes. I watched Rico load the flare gun behind him, and release a flare of yellow smoke. Not a single person today, died in vain. Not a single one.

I snapped out of my trance once I realized Eren was collapsed on the ground, and immediately raced towards his Titan body. I landed next to him and looked up to see Armin pulling his body out of the Titan. Mikasa approached behind me, "Armin! How is he?"

"Unconscious and scorching to the touch!" He shouted. 

I growled, "You two get Eren out of here, I'll hold the Titans off of you!" I launched off and started circling the area in the lookout for Titans. I spotted three getting close to them, one closer than the others. I headed for the one closest to the three of them first. I attached myself to its nape, but just as I was about to cut it down, it reached back and hit me with its hand. I managed to cut out its nape, but I still went barreling towards the ground. I tucked into myself, but I hit the back of my head on the ground as I landed. I groaned and reached my hand out to touch the back of my head. "Alicia!" I heard someone (Maybe Armin?) calling out to me as I pulled my hand back splotched with deep red blood.

"Leave me!" I called out to them. "Get Eren up to the wall! He's humanity's last hope!" I glanced over to see Armin and Mikasa in the Titan body's lap, Eren in their grasp. I watched a shadow form over us, and slowly looked up to see the two Titans I hadn't gotten approaching. Huh. So this was the end. After all that I've done... 

I watched as one of the Titans slowly reached out, but it convulsed and they both collapsed to the ground as I saw blood splatter from their napes. Did someone cut them down? I felt Mikasa pull me out of the way just as the Titans nearly landed on me. "Who..." I muttered. I saw the figure land on top of one of the Titan corpses. That uniform... The Scouts had returned! I felt myself smile and muttered to Mikasa, "It's them... It's the scouts..." 

The figure looked back at us and I nearly gasped. Dark gray eyes and a black undercut. "Pay attention, kiddos. This is the part where you explain to me exactly what it is I'm looking at."

"It's a hell of a long story," I said, getting to my feet. His eyes widened as he saw my face, and jumped down from the Titan's body. 

He approached me and put a hand on my shoulder, "And it looks like you'll have all the time in the world to tell it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a hell of a lot longer than any of my other ones, coming to nearly 5,500 words. I'm sorry things got a little bit choppy at the end, but I think you understand where we're at. 
> 
> Um, what else... uh... I have a new story up. Only one chapter so far, but I would highly recommend it if you like Percy Jackson and Harry Potter (But hate JK Rowling).


	27. Titans Galore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Titan experiments, Deaths of friends, and a trial that is way more stressful than it needs to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Character Death, Foul Language/Cursing, Mentions of Self-Harm (Not for Suicidal Purposes)

Afterward, thanks to the coordinated efforts of the Scout Regiment and the Garrison Regiment's Corps of Engineers, Wall Rose once again stood as a bulwark against the Titan hordes. 

It was a full day's work dispatching the Titans who remained corralled within Trost's perimeter, during which the wall-mounted cannons fired ceaselessly. Most of the Titans nearest the wall were wiped out by explosive shells.

The few that remained once the smoked cleared were summarily cut down by the Scout Regiment.

During the so-called cleanup operation, two Titans, a 4-meter and a 7-meter were captured alive and successfully restrained.

However...

All told, 207 people were either dead or missing. 897 were counted among the injured. So while the reclamation of Trost represented the first true victory for humanity in its fight against the Titans, too many soldiers had fallen for celebration to be in order.

~

"When exactly am I going to be allowed out of here?" I asked my brother, who was sitting in a chair next to my bed.

"Soon. Hange's being overly cautious about your head injury, but they want you back out there just as much as the rest of us," he replied nonchalantly. "Still can't believe you took out fourteen Titans on your own."

"I had help." I grunted, "You guys are going to visit Eren today, right? Can I come?" Levi raised an eyebrow at me, and I rolled my eyes. "We were friends in Shiganshina. He might feel more inclined to open up if he sees a friendly face."

The ravenette sighed after a moment's hesitation, "I'll talk to Erwin."

I smiled at the small triumph before I heard a knock at the door and called out, "Come in!"

Immediately, the door slammed open, "Hop to it, Cadet!" Hange exclaimed, "You're coming with me!" they grabbed me by the arm, and started pulling me off the bed.

"Whow, where are we going?" I asked. "I thought I wouldn't be released until later today?"

"Yeah, well, I got the all-clear for my next round of Titan experiments early, and I need an assistant!" they exclaimed.

"And you want Alicia? Seriously?" Levi asked, raising an eyebrow.

"OF COURSE!" They exclaimed and dragged me out of the room.

~

"What? No way." The light-haired brunette smiled as Hange and I approached. "There's no way that's Alicia."

"The one and only." I smiled in return and gave him a small nod. "Hello, Moblit. Good to see you."

"Likewise. Glad you survived your Cadet years." he joked.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah. Among other things." and finally turned to face the elephant in the room. Or rather, the elephants. Well, Titans. And we were outside. There were two tied-up Titans just meters away, and we were outside. I whistled, "Wow. I heard Erwin gave the Titan capturing initiative the go-ahead last year, but seeing its truth with my own eyes? That's a whole other level." I glanced at Hange and Moblit, "What changed his mind?"

Hange hummed, "A notebook we found during an Expedition. It belonged to a scout that died about three years ago. It describes her attempt to get back to the walls. All the way from when her squad was wiped out, to the moment her head was crushed by a Titan."

I raised an eyebrow. "Damn. That's brutal, but it's nothing new. Why'd it finally convince him?" 

"Because..." Hange got closer to me and looked around before saying quietly. "Before the Titan killed her, it hesitated. It stopped, bowed to her, and spoke."

"It did what now?" I exclaimed quietly. Hange nodded excitedly, and so I asked. "What did it say?"

Hange shrugged. "Not much. I believe it said 'Ymir's People.' then it bowed and said, 'Welcome, Ymir.'" they grinned excitedly, "It was enough for Erwin to agree that we don't know as much as we thought we did about the Titans!"

I turned back to our 4-7 meter company, "So you think these two will talk to us?"

The Scout grinned, "Let's find out!"

~

"Hello, beautiful!" Hange said, stepping in front of the 4-meter blonde Titan. "How are we feeling? Do you have a name?" When the Titan gave no response, they continued. "Are you in pain?"

I snorted, glancing at the brutal-looking restraints around its neck and arms. I stepped closer so I was standing just behind Hange, "Of course it's in pain. If it wasn't a Titan, I'd feel bad for it."

"Section Commander! Cadet! You're too close!" Moblit exclaimed from the sidelines.

Hange promptly ignored him, and walked right up to the 7-meter brunette Titan, "Hi there, lovely!" they exclaimed, looking down at the Titan. "Lovely weather don't you think? Are you hungry?" suddenly, with no indication, it snapped out its jaw, and they just barely managed to jump out of the way before the Titan could take a bite out of them. 

I laughed from a few feet away, "Guess that answers your question!"

"That was close!" Hange exclaimed after thoroughly blowing a raspberry at me. Dear god and I was the child?

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Moblit yelled at them helplessly. 

~

"Hey Alicia, you still love a good story?" Hange asked me later in the evening.

I grinned and folded my arms, "Always."

"Well then, you're in for a treat!" They exclaimed, turning to the Titans. "Once upon a time, many centuries ago now, there lived a vicious tribe of cannibals. You may think I'm speaking of your kind, but in fact, these cannibals were human."

"Titans aren't cannibals." I said with a sly grin, "You're only a cannibal if you eat your own kind, and there's no record of Titans ever eating one another."

"Oh, shut it!" Hange exclaimed, "You wanna hear the story or not?" I sighed and nodded before Hange continued. This time, they started pacing. "They would maraud unwary travellers near their cave. Their ruthless palate did not discriminate between merchant and clergymen; highborn or low. Valuables were taken, flesh feasted upon. In the end, these cannibals subsisted on human meat for twenty-five years, give or take. Historians suspect they killed somewhere around five hundred people during that time. That's probably more victims than the two of you have gorged on, combined!"

I snorted again, "Titans aren't the only monsters that walk the Earth."

"Quiet, they can hear you!" Hange exclaimed in slight distress, before continuing. "To their credit, though, they perfected the art of preparing flesh. Steaks cut from hind-quarter meat. Leg meat diced and added to stew. Belly fat ground into patties and fried. Sausages made from blood clots and intestinal lining. In fact. One might even suggest they furthered the culinary arts. In that respect, they were distinct from you."

"Hange," they looked back at me, and I pointed to the Garrison soldiers on the verge of throwing up (and one who was actively losing his lunch). 

They smiled sympathetically and nodded before moving on. "Alas, this tribe of gourmandizing cannibals were caught and executed by the providence of a single mistake. In that respect, you aren't so dissimilar. You both underestimated your quarry's resourcefulness and wound up captured, victims of your own appetite. In honour of the cannibal tribe's notorious leader, I'm going to christen you beauties accordingly." they stepped in between the two of them and motioned for me to join. I was promptly at the section commander's side. "You'll be 'Sawney'." they put a hand on the 4-meter, and I copied. "and you'll be 'Bean'". They put a hand on the 7-meter and I once again copied. "No need to fret, though. We're not going to publicly disembowel you or burn you at the stake. Pleasure to meet you, Sawney. Likewise, Beane. Let's be chums, huh?"

~

Later, just as we were about to start the light deprivation portions of the experiment, Levi and Commander Erwin showed up. "Erwin! Levi! What brings you two to our humble corner?" Hange exclaimed

"Levi's sister happens to be a close friend of Eren Jaeger, the boy who can turn into a Titan. We'd like her to come with us on our visit to see him." Erwin explained. "If you can bear to run your experiments without her, of course."

Hange grinned, "I'm sure I can manage!" they looked at me, and shoved my shoulder, "Run along now, and make sure you're back here same time tomorrow!"

I rolled my eyes, "Sure thing." and then I started walking away with Erwin and my brother. On our way to the courthouse jail, Erwin and I discussed my training.

"You came out top of your class, correct?"

I nodded, "Yes, sir. After the first week or so I realized Commandant Shadis wasn't going to let me hold myself back."

"Oh? How so?"

"As you once put it, he gave me a set of Titan Killing blades and told me to go wild on the class's first run with ODM gear. Insisted it was because he needed to gauge what I could do without his instruction, and he couldn't do that if I wasn't given an opportunity to showcase my skill." 

He chuckled lightly, "Yes, that does sound like Shadis. Do you get along with any of your comrades?"

I sighed, "You sound like a relative I haven't seen in years who just showed up for the holidays, and is trying to make up for all the lost time." this earned a sincere laugh from Levi and an amused sigh from Erwin. Alas, I answered his question. "I had three friends in Shiganshina who joined the Cadets with me, Eren Jaeger included, and there are a few others in our core who I tolerate."

Erwin nodded, "That's good. How was Jaeger before Wall Maria fell?" he asked, "Do you know what Regiment he was going to join?"

I hummed, "He's been dead set on the scouts since before the wall fell. As for what he was like, persistent. Angry. Kind. He's the one who started all those fights with Garrison soldiers in the refugee camps. Never turned into a Titan though, if that's what you're asking. He could barely hold his own in a fight before I showed up. I'm the one who taught him how to throw a punch, use a knife, the works."

"Why did he need to fight?"

I shrugged, "Other kids in the city didn't like the four of us much. Other kids played catch, we talked about what it would be like to live outside the walls. Armin, the blonde boy who helped pull him out of the Titan body, was an especially easy target and a favourite for the bullies. He's smart like you wouldn't believe." I looked to Erwin, "Especially with strategy. He's the one who came up with the majority of the plan we used in Trost."

"I keep forgetting you already fought Titans in Trost." Levi cut in, "You've already got a kill count higher than half my squad, and you're not even a Scout yet." I smiled as we reached the courthouse, and walked down to the jail cells. The guards on the way in eyed me warily, but we ignored them, and they let us pass.

When we got in, Erwin sat on a barrel across from the cell, and Levi stood next to him. I walked up to the bars and looked down at Eren, who was still knocked out on the bed. "Eren, bud, wake up," I said. When that didn't work, I knocked on the bars, "Hey! Wake up, you suicidal maniac." He stirred on the inside of the cell and slowly sat up. I grinned back at the two men, "Works like a charm."

I sat on the floor in front of Erwin and my brother. I faced Eren, who was slowly becoming more aware and slightly shocked by his surroundings. "Any questions?" Erwin asked him.

"Uh... I, uh--" He stuttered, "Where... Where am I?"

"You're in jail, dumbass," I replied, and Levi kicked me in the back. 

Erwin sighed, "as Alicia so helpfully stated, you're in a jail cell. You're currently in the custody of the Military Police. We were granted permission to see you only just now." He pulled something out of his pocket and held it up. My eyes widened as I saw the all too familiar key.

"Where'd you get that?" Eren asked, equally as surprised to see his father's key. 

"Off of you." Erwin replied, "Don't worry, you'll get it back. Let's talk home. Specifically the good doctor's cellar back in Shiganshina. Pretty big secret in there, right? About the Titans?"

"Yeah. I think so. That's what Dad said anyway."

"If this is the kind of questions you wanted to ask, I could have saved the trouble of coming all the way down here and just answered them myself," I said, an eyebrow raised. Levi kicked me again and this time I exclaimed, "Cut it out, asshole!"

"Must suck having your dad and your memory MIA at the same time. Unless, of course, that's just a cover story." Levi bit at Eren.

"Enough, both of you." Erwin nearly scolded. "We've been over this already, Levi. We know he has no reason to lie." He turned back to the brunette in the cell, "And that's all we know. How 'bout you shed a little light on things for me by telling us your intentions?"

"M-- My what? What do you mean?" he stuttered again.

"Here's the lay of the land, my friend." Erwin said, "If we want to pay your dad's cellar a visit, we have to venture back into Shiganshina. Sealing the breach there as we did in Trost would be the smart way to go about it, don't you think? Naturally, we'll need your special powers. Any way you slice it, a Titan's deciding our fate. It's been conjectured that the Colossal and the Armored Titan are more or less the same as you. It's why I ask your intentions. They could be the key to turning the tide forever. You could save us."

"I..." Eren looked down and didn't say anything else. 

We were only silent for a minute or two before Levi got impatient. "C'mon. It's an easy question. So answer it. What the hell is it you wanna do?"

Eren looked up, an insane-looking smile on his face, "I want to become a member of the Scouts and slaughter every Titan that crosses my path!"

"Huh. Well played." Levi replied.

I snorted. "Told you."

"Alright, then. I'll take responsibility for him." Levi stepped forward until he was against the bars. "Let the higher-ups know what's going on." he paused. "Not that I implicitly trust him, of course. It's more a matter of me trusting myself to deal with him. Kill him, if I have to. Plus, my sister seems to implicitly trust him, so I might as well give him a shot." Eren's eyes widened, and he looked at me. I gave a curt wave with a small smile, and Levi continued to talk absently to Erwin. "The big wigs aren't likely to raise a stink. My record more than speaks for itself, I'm pretty sure. Good news, Jaeger. You're now officially a member of the Scouts."

~

Later that day, I arrived at the dining hall with a smile on my face. I spotted a table with the few people I tolerated, and sat down next to Armin, "Boo." 

He jumped slightly, and his eyes widened when he saw me, "Alicia! You were released!" he exclaimed.

"Yup." then, I looked around the table and saw the faces of my friends. They all looked... sombre. Like they were grieving. I glanced over the table once again, before my eyes widened. "What... Where's Marco?"

Jean tensed, and Sasha put her head down on the table. I felt a hand on my shoulder and glanced to see Mikasa. "Armin and I went to tell you earlier, but your room was empty. We didn't know where to look for you, so we decided to just wait."

"Tell me what?" I asked, but the pit in my stomach told me I already knew. 

"Marco. We found his body."

Later that night, I had a new scar on my arm. That made four, with more to come. 

~

I spent the next week of my life under what felt like the biggest weight in the world. After our meeting with Eren, it was promptly revealed to us that the Military Police were not going to give him up without a fight. They, however, wanted to dissect him instead of using him to retake Wall Maria. So now, along with the Titan experiments, I was brainstorming how to keep my friend alive. "Alicia, do you know anything the Military Police could use to argue that Eren is a danger?" Hange asked. We were sitting with Levi and Erwin, trying to think of a strategy.

"Besides that fact that he can turn into a god damn TITAN?" I asked. Hange nodded, and I sighed, thinking for a moment. Then my eyes widened, "Oh no." I groaned, "Oh no, this is bad."

"What is it?" Levi asked.

"When I first came to Shiganshina, it was just Me, Eren, and Armin. But when we were nine, Eren went away with his dad on a trip to visit a family and give them a basic medical checkup. When he came back... Mikasa was with them. Her parents had been murdered, and herself kidnapped just before the Jaegers got there."

"That's terrible, but how is this something the Military Police will use against him?" Erwin asked, leaning on his hands.

"Because," I replied, "Eren killed two of the kidnappers in order to save Mikasa, and she killed the third. They were let off with a warning by the Military Police because they were children defending themselves."

Levi hit the wall, "Dammit."

We were silent for a moment before Erwin spoke up. "What if we showed them he's not as much of a threat as they think he is?"

"Oh?" Hange asked. "And how would we do that?"

He looked at me, "Alicia. Do you have any ideas on how Eren's transformation is triggered?"

I hummed, "Well I know for a fact it's almost directly related to him getting injured, but if what he says is correct he had this ability for five years before he first turned into a Titan. I can guarantee you he got injured A LOT during that time. So, I guess it would also need the conscious thought process of him wanting to turn into a Titan... No, that's not right..." I trailed off, mumbling to myself.

"The basic point is, he can't just randomly transform because he feels like it?" Erwin asked.

I nodded, "Well, yes. Even if he got injured during the trial, he probably wouldn't turn."

Erwin hummed, pleased with himself, "Then I have a new gamble."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From an outsider's perspective, everyone who comments on this looks like an alt account, or a bot lmao-
> 
> I love you guys tho, special thanks to ChocolatePanther7 and Featherskin for your continued support-


	28. What If I Told You...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia has a chaotic week and a talk with a certain blonde.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Foul Language/Cursing, Violence

Hange's screams echoed across the base as they shouted out, tears rolling down their face. "It isn't necessary for you to scream, Section Commander!" Moblit exclaimed, stepping closer to them.

"I can't do this and not scream, damn you!" Hange exclaimed in return. 

"For the love of God, Hange you sound like you're being murdered!" I exclaimed. "If you can't handle this without screaming, I'm taking over!"

"But look at him!" They exclaimed, gesturing to the Titan she was stabbing and slashing at with a spear. "He's in absolute agony!" they were right. Beane was screaming at the top of his lungs. "My poor Beane! I'm so sorry! Hang in there!"

~

Running the Titan experiments with Hange was the highlight of my days leading up to Eren's trial. Well, except for meals. On the day of, I sat down for breakfast with Mikasa and Armin. For the first time in a while, we were the only ones at our table. "A debate over Eren?" Mikasa asked. "What for?"

"I'm not sure," Armin said, then looked at me. "You have any idea?"

I sighed, "The Scout Regiment and the Military Police are fighting over custody of him. Scouts want to have him join their ranks, and eventually, use him to retake Wall Maria."

"And the Military Police?" Mikasa asked, staring intently.

"The MPs um." I hesitated. "They want to dissect him. If they win, Eren dies."

Mikasa looked taken aback, but before she could say anything, we heard the door to the hall open and a voice called out, "Cadet Mikasa Ackerman, Cadet Alicia And Cadet Armin Arlelt. Hop to!"

The three of us stood up and Mikasa called out, "Sir!"

"You're ordered to attend and act as witnesses at today's deliberation!" 

~

I took a deep breath and released it as I stood between Armin and a Garrison soldier. Mikasa was on the other side of Armin, and Rico was on Mikasa's other side. Further to our left, I could see the scouts. I nodded to Levi and Erwin, but I couldn't see Hange anywhere and decided she must be one of the people assigned to retrieving Eren. On the other side of the courthouse, there was a large mix of civilians and Military Police alike. From the way the civilians held themselves, and their weight I assumed they were merchants. I even caught sight of one of the wall cult crazies. The MPs really were pulling in everything they could possibly use against Eren, huh? 

Just then, the door slammed open, and I could see guards dragging Eren into the courthouse. He stood and stared, taking in his surroundings for a few seconds before he was shoved along again and instructed to kneel in the center of the room. He complied, and a pole was placed behind him, keeping his hands in place. He looked around for a moment before his eyes fell on the three of us, and he looked almost fearful. 

Zachary spoke up through the seemingly endless silence. "All right. Shall we begin? Your name is Eren Jaeger and as a soldier, you have sworn to give up your life when called to, for the good of the people. Is that correct?"

"Yes," Eren replied, curtly. 

The Premier nodded and continued. "As an enlisted soldier during a time of war, military doctrine demands your tribunal be held as a court-martial. As Commander of our armed forces, this matter is left to my discretion. Thus, I will decide whether you live or you die. Any objections?" he tilted his glasses at the boy before him.

"No, sir."

He nodded once more, "Your astuteness is appreciated. Let us proceed. As expected, covering up your existence has proven quite fruitless. And unless we publicly disclose your existence one way or another, we risk the outbreak of widespread civil unrest. A choice must be made. The regiment that takes custody of you will determine your fate. The Military Police..." I glanced over at the soldiers across from us and resisted the urge to glare. "or the Scout Regiment?" I glanced around and noticed that at some point Hange had shown up, and was standing with a few other scouts on a balcony. They smiled at me, and I nodded in return. "To begin, The Military Police will now present their case."

A man across from us spoke up, "Thank you. My name is Nile Dawk. I am Commander of the Military Police." Ah, the shit-head to lead all shit-heads. Now I have a face and a name for a position. "Our recommendation, following a thorough examination of his physiology, subject Eren Jaeger should be disposed of immediately. We acknowledge that Jaeger's ability played a part in turning back the latest Titan incursion. However, as has been stated, his mere existence is creating a swell of rebellious sentiment. For the greater good, after we have gathered all the information that we can from him, we would see him made a fallen warrior of humanity." They aren't thinking about the future, just how they can fix this one problem that we have at this very moment. If Eren could retake Trost District with a half-assed plan, what could he do for Wall Maria?

"Unacceptable!" The wall cultist called out, "This verminous fiend has defiled the mighty Wall..." He continued speaking, but I tuned him out, already getting a headache just hearing him speak. I never knew much about them, but I heard they're based in Stohess District. I never saw any of them in the Underground, but I don't think they would have done very well down there with all the iron they carry around like it's nothing. 

Zachary told him to quiet down, then continued. "And now I'd like to hear the Scout Regiment's proposed plan."

"Yes, sir." I glanced over to Erwin as he began to speak, "As the commander of the Survey Corps, I, Erwin Smith, propose the following: Let Eren join our ranks. Reinstate him as a full member of the Scouts, and we will utilize his Titan ability to retake Wall Maria. That is all."

Zachary raised an eyebrow, "Hm? Is that it?"

Erwin nodded, "Yes. With his assistance, sir, I'm certain we can reclaim Wall Maria. Ergo, I believe our top priority is perfectly clear."

"Quite bold. Assuming you were given clearance, where do you plan to launch this operation from?" Zachary asked, turning to the Garrison members we were standing among. "Commander Pyxis. The wall in Trost District has been completely sealed, is that correct?"

The older man nodded, "Yes. I doubt its gate will ever open again."

"We'll depart from Calaneth District to the east." Erwin explained, "From there, we'll make for Shiganshina. A new route can be established as we proceed."

"But that's ridiculous!" One of the merchant civilians on the MP's side exclaimed. "Our time and money would be better spent sealing up all the gates! They're the only parts of the Wall that the Colossal Titan can break, right? Let's reinforce the blasted things and wash our hands of the entire affair!" I grit my teeth but held back any remarks.

One of the other scouts did not share my restraints. "Shut your mouth, you spineless merchant dog! With a Titan on our side, we can finally return to Wall Maria!"

The Merchant raised his voice a few octaves, "We can't afford any more of your childish antics or your delusions of grandeur!"

"Squealing louder won't help your case, pig." I heard a familiar voice say calmly. "While we're bolstering our defences, do you think the Titans are going to stand idly by? And when you say 'we can't  
afford,' do you speak for anyone other than your fat merchant friends?" I suppressed a smile, but a small smirk made its way through to my face. "Do you pigs even realize that most of our people are struggling just to survive off what little land we have left?"

The merchant fumbled with his words, my brother's demeanour making him nervous. "I-I'm simply saying that sealing the gates is the only guaranteed protection we've got!"

"Hold your tongue, you vile, belligerent heretic! Are you really suggesting that we lowly humans meddle with Wall Rose, a gift to us from on high? The Wall is a miracle." The wall cultist next to him prattled on, preaching his religious bullshit.

"It's that cult's fault," Armin whispered. "They're the ones who delayed the garrison's arming of the Walls."

I nodded, "They've got an unnerving amount of support from the general populous." 

"...to pieces!" The Merchant finished his exclamation. I hadn't even realized his voice was added to the mix. 

"Such sacrilege!" The wall cultist exclaimed. 

"Oh, you're insane. Shut yer trap!"

"How dare you--"

"Order!" Zachary shouted, bringing the arguing men to silence. "I ask that you save your personal sentiments for a more appropriate venue. Now then, Mr. Jaeger, I have a question for you. As a soldier, you have made a solemn pledge to answer humanity's call. Can you still serve by controlling your ability?"

"Yes! I will, sir!"

"Oh? Is that so? But this report from the Battle for Trost contradicts that statement." Oh no. "Just after transforming, it seems you made an attempt to crush Mikasa Ackerman." Eren's gaze shot to the three of us. He had no idea. He couldn't remember, could he? "And who is  
this Mikasa Ackerman?"

"Me! That would be me, sir." Mikasa said calmly. 

He nodded, "Alright, then. Is it true that Eren Jaeger assaulted you while he was in Titan form?"

She was silent, but I heard Rico mumbling something to her. Mikasa looked directly at Eren solemnly, "Yes. All of that's true." There were whispers and gasps all around the courtroom, and I held my breath, trying to drown out the people's cries. "However," Mikasa interjected, "he also saved my life twice before. And in each circumstance, he was using his Titan ability. The first: shortly after Trost fell. I was nearly killed by a Titan. But then Eren came. He stepped in and protected me. The second time: he transformed to shield Armin and me from cannon fire. I implore you to take these facts into consideration."

"Sir! If I may speak?" I spoke up suddenly. 

Zachary looked me up and down, before saying, "State your name and affiliation, then proceed."

I nodded, "My name is Alicia, of the 104th Cadet Core, and I bore witness to Eren in his Titan form each time it happened." I glanced around the room and saw some recognition in the faces of veteran scouts. "Saying that I couldn't help but notice that each time he had a clear motive in mind just before transforming. The first time, he wanted to kill Titans, and so that's what his Titan form did and had the stamina to do. The second time, he wanted nothing more than to protect himself and his friends from an incoming cannonball, and so that's all his Titan form could handle."

"Where are you going with this, Miss Alicia?" Zachary asked.

"Just before Eren transformed for the third time during our mission to retake Trost, he and Mikasa got into an argument. She was concerned about whether or not he would actually be able to plug up the hole. If I'm remembering correctly when Eren transformed he only attacked Mikasa. I believe that some part of him, however deep down, wanted nothing more than to unleash his anger on her. His Titan form was simply reciprocating that."

"Objection!" The Military Police commander called out. "I have reason to believe that personal feelings play a large part in both testimonies. Let the record show that Mikasa Ackerman was orphaned at a young age and was subsequently taken in by the Jaeger family and Alicia grew up in Shiganshina with Jaeger. What's more, our own internal investigation into this matter led to a most shocking discovery. Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman, at the tender age of nine, dealt with three adult kidnappers by stabbing all of them to death. Granted, this was done in self-defence. All the same, one cannot help but question the violent nature of the act. Knowing all of this, should we really invest in him? Money, manpower. Perhaps the very fate of us all?"

"Maybe he's a Titan that snuck in here after taking the form of some little child he ate?"

"Maybe she's one! I bet the other two aren't human either!" My eyes widened at the accusation. Did they seriously believe that bullshit?

"Yeah, you're right!"

"Dissect them too, just to be safe!"

Suddenly Eren broke his held silence, "Now hold on a second! Maybe I'm a monster that you want dead, but you leave them out of this! They're innocent!"

"Like we'd trust you!"

"It's the truth!" Eren shouted. 

"They must be of your kind if you protect them!"

"STOP IT!" Eren exclaimed, and his restraints clanged against the pole, eliciting gasps from the arguing civilians, "You're wrong. About it all. But you're so intent on pushing selfish agendas, you're blind to what's in front of you."

"Wait. What do you mean?" the Military Police commander asked.

"What does it even matter? None of you have even seen a Titan, so why're you so afraid, huh?" he asked. "There's no sense in having power if you're not going to use it to fight! If you're too scared to fight for your lives, fine. Let me do it!" He grit his teeth, "You-- You're all cowards!"

"What?!" 

"Just shut up. And put all your faith in me!" He yelled angrily. 

Things were silent for a moment before Nile commanded the soldier next to him who was holding a rifle, "Take aim, dammit!"

"Right! Yes, Sir!" he exclaimed and lifted his gun to point at Eren.

I didn't even see him walk up to the brunette. There were no warnings, no time to brace myself, just a kick. My brother's boot, to my friend's cheek. Blood spattered out of his mouth, and I saw what I think is a tooth go flying. Just as Eren came back to his senses, he was kicked in the stomach. Levi grabbed him by the hair and struck him in the face with his knee. I shuddered at the noises of pain Eren let out as Levi continued his assault. I glanced at the girl just a person away from me and moved into action as she made a motion to go towards Eren. Armin grabbed her by the arm, exclaiming, "Mikasa, Wait!" I moved quickly, sliding behind Armin and then stopping behind Mikasa. 

I grabbed the ravenette by the arms, holding her in place with her back against my chest, "Don't try anything, just let it play out." she relaxed and ceased her struggling. 

Eren gasped for air, and not a second later my brother brought his foot down to hold Eren's head to the ground. "You know, personally, I think nothing instills discipline like pain." I mentally shuddered at the thought of what that might have meant for my life if I was a disobedient kid, as I let go of my tight hold on Mikasa and stepped into place between her and Armin, my hand still holding onto her arm. I mean sure, I was rambunctious, but my brother said jump I asked how high, you know what I'm saying? "You don't need a good 'talking to'. What you're in need of, boy, is to be taught a lesson, and you happen to be in perfect kicking position." Huh. I never thought of it that way. Wonder how things would have gone when we first met Erwin if he had had the same thought. My brother kicked Eren in the head a few more times. 

"N-Now hold on, Levi!" the Military Police commander stuttered out.

I rolled my eyes, and I could almost hear Levi doing so in kind as he spoke again, "What is it?" he lowered his foot from Eren's head. 

"It's dangerous." I gave the crowd a quick glance around and noticed every civilian and MP shared his fear. "What if he gets angry? Turns into a Titan?" 

Levi looked from Eren to Nile, and back to Eren, then kicked the brunette in the face again. "Don't be silly." He grabbed Eren by the hair again, and lifted his head up, "After all, you guys just want to dissect him, don't you?" he stood up properly and let go of Eren. "During the time that he was transformed, they say that Jeager was able to kill twenty Titans before he finally ran out of strength. As an enemy, his intelligence makes him all the more dangerous. But I could still take him down without a problem. How many of you can say the same?" I glanced around, before raising my hand. Levi looked to me with a raised eyebrow, "Put your hand down, Alicia. I'm well aware that you can."

I shrugged with a smirk, "You asked."

He rolled his eyes at me, "Before you torment the beast, you'd better think. Can you actually kill him?"

Erwin raised his hand, "Sir. I have a proposition."

"Proceed."

He lowered his hand, "There's still too much we don't know, and No doubt, his danger will be ever-present. As such, I suggest this: Eren Jaeger be placed under Captain Levi's supervision, and we'll conduct a recon mission outside of the walls."

"Jeager will join you in this excursion?" Zachary asked.

"Yes, sir. Then you can look upon the mission's results yourself, and if he successfully controls his ability... Eren will have proven his value to mankind."

"Eren Jaeger will be closely supervised? And if he should lose control?"

"I can definitely kill him if it comes to that." Levi looked back at Zachary. "The only downside is, there's absolutely no middle ground."

The premier clasped his hands together in thought for a moment, "Hm. Then I have made my choice." 

~

I sighed and dropped to sit on the steps, a glass of water in my hand. I downed half the cup in one gulp and set it down next to me. "What a fucking week..." I murmured. 

"I know." My eyes shot in the voice's direction, instincts set into overdrive, but I relaxed when I saw Armin standing a few feet away. "Sorry if I startled you." He said, stepping closer. 

I shook my head, "You didn't, no worries." I gestured to the stairs next to me, "Wanna sit? We haven't talked with just the two of us in quite a while."

He nodded with a soft smile, "I'd love to." and sat down on my right, hands pressed to the floor on his sides.

We were silent for a few moments before I said, "I understand if you're having second thoughts about the scouts, especially after Trost." I didn't look at him and only paused for a second before I continued. "I hope you know that no matter what anyone else says or does, I'm still joining the Scout Regiment. I don't..." I hesitated but pushed forward. "I don't have a choice, even if I wanted to join the MPs or the Garrison. My fates sealed."

I finally looked at the blonde, and we locked eyes. Armin furrowed his eyebrows, "Is that so? How come?"

I stared into his eyes for a minute before I broke eye contact and shook my head, turning to face forward once more. "You'd be terrified of me. I'm not about to ruin one of the only good consistencies in my life."

I suddenly felt a hand on my forearm and looked to see Armin gripping tightly to me. The hand slid down until his fingers clasped around mine. "I could never be scared of you, Alicia." 

I looked from his hand, fingers weaved tightly between my limp ones, to his face that was dusted light pink and staring straight forward. I sighed, my face burning slightly as I slowly tightened my grip, fully interlocking our hands. "What if I told you that there was a place underneath Stohess District, called the Underground Ward?"

He smiled and nodded, silently telling me he'd heard of it. "I'd ask if that's where you're from."

"Well, what if I told you it was?"

"I'd ask why you never said anything before."

"What if I told you that there's an enormous exit fee that just keeps going up?"

"I'd ask how you got out."

"What if I told you that we made a deal with the Scouts?"

"I'd ask what kind of deal you made."

"What if I told you that when I was eight, Erwin showed up and asked my brother, our two friends and me to join the Scouts because of our exceptional ODM gear skill?

"I'd ask how you got said ODM gear skill in the underground."

My grip on his hand tightened ever so slightly, "What if I told you I stole four sets when I was six?"

"I'd ask how a six-year-old girl pulled that off."

"I killed three Military Police." his eyes widened as I blurted out before I could stop myself. "Everyone always assumed it was the others that did it, that they stole the gear and killed the MPs, but we just thought it would be best if they didn't know that it was all me." I continued, no longer putting up any effort to stop my word vomit. "They caught me on one of our regular burglary ploys, and they said they were going to kill me so that the Military Police wouldn't have to explain to the public why they had arrested a child. I had to kill them so I could get out alive. Afterwards, I didn't want to be left alone to deal with what I'd done. I saw the ODM gear, and I went for it."

I couldn't stand to look Armin in the eyes as the silence between us dragged on, but I felt his hand squeeze mine as he finally said, "Okay. Self-defence. I can get behind that." I glanced over to look at him, and he continued, "You said you made a deal with the scouts? How's that going?"

I sighed, "They said as long as we joined the Scout Regiment and used our skill to fight for humanity, we won't be charged for our crimes. My brother and our friends joined immediately, but I was deemed too young. The original plan was for me to go and practice every two months until I was old enough to train with the Cadets. I would train for the full amount of time and then join the Scouts. Wall Maria falling threw a few rocks at the plan, but I still got where I needed to go."

He nodded, "So how are the other three doing then? They're why you always wanted to watch the Scouts come in, right? Make sure they were okay?"

I tensed, "They..." I trailed off and shook my head, "Farlan and Isabel died on their first expedition. They were my friends. Farlan practically raised me right alongside my brother."

"I'm sorry to hear that--"

"It's fine. It was years ago." I paused for a moment and sighed, "My brother is still alive, though. Climbed the ranks pretty quickly."

Armin smiled, "Oh yeah? Is he a captain?"

I nodded with a smile, "Yeah, uh..." I cleared my throat, "Special Operations Squad. Captain Levi."

Armin's eyes widened, "You mean--"

"Yeah."

"The guy who beat up--"

"Yeah."

"With a kill count of--"

"That's him."

Armin laughed, "You've got one heck of a legacy to live up to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I don't know how many people actually read these endnotes, but I wanted to say I'm really sorry for going dark and not updating for so long. I had a rough week or two before I posted chapter 27 where I was trying to ignore all the shit that had been piling up, and so I was a writing machine posting nearly every day, and then I sorta crashed and just couldn't bring myself to do anything. I had a few serious harmful thoughts, and the only thing I wanted to do was be outside my house (I can't explain it but the outside calms me down), and unfortunately, I hate writing on my phone (Not that I had a single creative spark. How the fuck does one write/think happy scenes while sad?)
> 
> Anyway, I got a haircut that I really like, (First time ever that I've liked a haircut right off the bat and not asked for like 17 changes before being semi-satisfied and giving up) that makes me feel really confident (I really said "therapy?? oh no NO changing my hair is much more efficient." I am a walking lesbian stereotype rn), and I finally decided that I had the energy and will to write this chapter. I sorta figured you guys would be fine, considering I said that updates would be really inconsistent, but I felt the need to explain myself. Can't wait to hear what you thought of this chapter, take care guys!


	29. Somewhere Along the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia runs into some old friends and has a long think about her future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Mentions of Past Character Death, Foul Language/Cursing, Overthinking of Hypotheticals

And so it was that Eren became a ward of the Scout Regiment and key to their planned mission beyond the wall.

~

I heard the click-click-clacking of my boots on the tile floor as I walked down the long corridor inside the base. Eren and the others were going to leave later today, and I was on my way to give my brother a quick goodbye before I wouldn't see him for nearly a week. I heard voices around the corner of a hallway I was approaching and the sound of several people walking towards me. I was about to ignore it as I passed, but then I heard someone yell my name. "Alicia! Is that you?!"

I raised an eyebrow and turned to face the group before my face broke out into a smile. "Petra!" I exclaimed. 

The blonde grinned back and ran towards me, "You got so BIG!" she said, engulfing me in a hug as soon as she got close enough. I put my head on her shoulder as I reciprocated the hug and gave a small smile to the boys behind her. 

"Hey, guys," I said, sending a wave to the rest of my brother's special operations squad, who were somehow all still in one piece even after all these years. "Good to see you."

Eld nodded, and Gunther replied, "Right back at you."

"Surprised you're still alive." Oulo quipped, "After what they put you through in the Cadets. Wasn't sure you would make it."

Petra pulled away from me and punched him in the arm, "Oh please, have you seen her numbers? Hell, after Trost alone, she has a kill count higher than most of this squad. At this rate, she'll catch up to you in no time."

"Oh, quiet," I said. "Don't you guys have someplace to be?"

Eld nodded, "Yeah, we should get going. We'll catch up soon." 

The other squad members started walking away, but I grabbed Petra's arm, "Wait. Hold on a second."

Petra tilted her head, "What is it?"

"I..." I sighed, "I need you to promise me something."

"Anything." She replied, staring me dead in the eyes.

I searched her face for any sign of waver, but when I couldn't find any, I continued, "Eren Jeager is one of my closest friends. We were friends in the Cadets. Before that, in the Wall Maria refugee camps, and before that in Shiganshina. I love my brother and everything, but he can be a bit much. I--" I trailed off, trying to find the right words, "I'd appreciate it if you looked out for Eren. Be his friend, and if not, at least care if no one else will. Can you do that?"

Petra thought for a moment before nodding. "Okay. I can do that." she started jogging to join the rest of her squad and waved back at me before disappearing around another corner. 

~

Later that afternoon, I joined Hange outside once more in order to continue the Titan experiments. "This may sound absolutely batshit--" I started, but Hange cut me off.

"I already like the sound of this plan." they grinned.

I rolled my eyes, "You have no idea what it is yet."

"The more batshit it sounds, the more likely it is no one has ever tried it before." They said, "And if no one has ever tried it before, how could we know if it really is batshit?"

I looked at them for a moment before sighing. "Okay. But first, I want Beane on his stomach like he is now, with as many more restraints as you can put on him, but leave his nape exposed."

Hange raised an eyebrow, "What in the world..." they muttered before shaking their head and yelling orders at the Garrison members watching. Once the restraints added to Beane were to my liking, I stepped up to Beane and began climbing up the Titan's body.

I stopped once I was on the monster's back and stood up. I grinned and yelled to Hange and Moblit, "The view is great!" 

Moblit looked very wary at the idea of what-the-actual-hell-is-Alicia-doing-on-top-of-a-Titan, but Hange rolled their eyes and yelled back, "You're only three feet off the ground, calm down. Or is life with a short-ass brother screwing with your sense of height?" I snorted and ignored their sorry excuse for a height joke before stepping up to the Titan's nape. I kneeled at the base of the Titan's neck, and sat down before pulling out my knife. "Whow. God, that thing is as hard to spot as ever, huh?" Hange asked.

I chuckled lightly, "If I'm breathing, assume the knife is on me." then, I brought my blade to the Titan's nape and sunk it down into its flesh. The Titan screamed and thrashed, but the added restraints prevented him from moving. 

"ALICIA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Hange cried out, "YOU'RE WAY TOO CLOSE TO THE NAPE! YOU COULD KILL HIM!"

"Relax, Section Commander!" I exclaimed, "I'm not stupid. I have a plan." I carved out a cubic foot of flesh from Beane's nape and counted the seconds. "... 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42." the Titan's nape was fully regenerated as soon as I spoke the last number. I snorted and muttered to myself, "There you have it, ladies and gentlemen: the answer to life, the universe and everything." I turned to look at Hange and Moblit, "Beane has an average regeneration rate of forty-two seconds per cubic foot of pure flesh."

"Is that why you risked killing one of our test subjects?!" Hange yelled, though there was no real anger in their voice. 

I shook my head, "I needed a general amount of time to base my plan on, but the regeneration rate is too fast to do what I need without any equipment." I stood once more and sheathed my knife before jumping down. "Hasn't anyone ever wondered why carving out the nape kills Titan's, but not anything else?" I walked up and stood next to Hange while staring at Beane and Sawney. "I mean, we share the same organs, skeletal structure, and nervous systems as these beasts, and yet things that would have us dropping dead before we could make heads or tails of what happened barely affect them at all. Then, there's the nape. If we cut out the back of a human's neck, the same way we do with Titans," I put my hand up to the back of my neck, tracing where we would cut, "They would be injured, sure, and we might even damage their vocal cords, but... It wouldn't kill them. They could still live, given proper treatment. And yet..."

"It kills Titans automatically." Hange finished. I could see the gears turning in their head as they realized what I wanted to do. "What makes the nape so special..."

I grinned, "Exactly. I say we fashion some sortof clamps or even just a solid block with a glass center, and we can get a visual of the inside of a Titan's nape."

Hange slapped my back and laughed, "Look at you! Three years away, and you're as sharp as ever! I'll put in an order for those clamps, we'll take some measurements to make sure we don't kill them, and we should be a step closer to understanding the Titan's before our next expedition!"

I glanced over at Moblit, and he was smiling at me, "Good work, Alicia."

I smiled back, "Thanks."

~

When I finally woke up, two days after my brother's squad had left with Eren, I was alone. I looked around at the empty bunks, all neatly made and abandoned. Upon further inspection, I noticed that all the curtains were drawn, preventing light from filtering through into the sleeping quarters. I furrowed my eyebrows and pushed off my covers, letting my feet touch the hardwood floor. It wasn't even cold from the night anymore. I stood up and walked over to the window closest to my bed, and pulled back the curtain. Almost immediately, I lifted a hand up to cover my eyes, shielding them from the blinding light of what seemed like around 10am. 

I left the curtain open as I wandered back to my bunk and began slowly pulling on my clothes while wondering why I had been left behind? Obviously, they had wanted me to sleep in later because the curtains had been closed. But, the only people in the Cadets who knew about that were Eren and Armin. Eren obviously couldn't have done it, but why had Armin wanted me to stay sleeping? I'd have to ask him about it later. My thoughts were interrupted by the door to the sleeping quarters opening. I glanced over, "Oh, Hey Annie."

The blonde jumped when she heard my voice and spun around to look at me. She relaxed when I smiled at her, "Shit... Sorry, I forgot you were still in here."

I shrugged, "No, It's fine. I was just about to head out anyway."

She nodded, "You should probably head down to the Titan-experimentation site."

"Why?" I raised an eyebrow.

She stopped whatever she was doing and looked up at me. "Someone killed the test subjects."

My eyes widened, and I pulled my Cadet's jacket on quickly before bursting out the door and sprinting in the direction of the Titan experimentation site. I saw the steam before I saw the bodies as I pushed through the crowd, finally reaching the front, where Hange was on the floor sobbing. I rushed forward and knelt at their side, "Hange, are you alright?"

"They're dead!" the scout cried out. 

I looked out at the slowly disintegrating Titan corpses and growled, "Dammit." before standing up again. 

As soon as I was up, I felt a hand on my arm, "What do you think you're doing, Cadet?"

I spun around and saw three MPs standing there, looking at me with disdain. "I have clearance to be here," I said, shoving their hand off of me. 

"Oh? Really?" One of them asked.

Hange stood up, still sniffling, "It's true. She's my assistant, and she is welcomed here."

"Oh yeah? And what might you have been doing this morning that the Section Commander got here before you?" the first MP said pointedly.

"You think  _ I  _ did this?" I asked. 

"We're not ruling you out just because you've been  _ assisting  _ with the experiments." the third accused.

I stood in shock, "How dare you, you low life son of a--"

The MP grabbed me by the collar, "Are you sure you want to finish that, Cadet?"

I growled and grabbed the man's arm, "I SAID: How dare you, you low life son of a bitch!"

The MP furrowed his eyebrows angrily, "That's it, I'm taking you in--"

"I suggest that you don't." A voice spoke from behind the Military Police. "Unless your goal is to make unnecessary enemies."

The Military Police turned around, and I held back a sigh of relief when I caught a glimpse of my brother. Getting rescued by my older brother? It wasn't my best moment, but hey, I'm not complaining. At least this time, I didn't have to kill anyone. "This isn't Scout Regiment business. But-out, Levi." one of the MPs told him. 

"Oh?" my brother asked, an eyebrow raised, "I suppose it's not Scout Regiment business, but it is my business."

"Oh? How so?" One of the MPs asked skeptically.

"Well, I think it becomes my business the second you start threatening my sister." Levi snapped. "I'd appreciate it if you let go of her."

There were murmurs between some of the Garrison and Military Police. But, the MP holding on to me didn't budge. "Your  _ sister  _ is a suspect in the assassination of these Titans."

"And why in the world would she do that?" Levi asked, tone unwavering. "Alicia has been a trusted ally of the Scout Regiment for seven years, to the point where she was assigned to assist with the Titan experiments. She even came up with the equipment designs for a new experiment they're going to be running sometime in the next week." he glanced at the Titan corpses, "Well,  _ were _ going to." The MP loosened his grip enough that I was able to push him off again and back up a few steps. He looked from me to Levi and then lowered his hand. 

"Fine." he agreed, "But her gear will be tested along with the other Cadets."

~

I stood between Annie and Armin, waiting for the MPs to check our gear and clear us. On the other side of Armin, Connie spoke up, "Guess someone hated looking at those Titans even more than I did." 

I tensed, and Armin sighed, "Sad thing is they may have actually helped the Titans more than anything. All that knowledge lost, and for what, someone's personal revenge? It just doesn't make any sense."

"Well, it might sound dumb, but I'm glad they did it," Connie replied.

I furrowed my eyebrows, "How could you say that?"

He shook his head, "Before I'd actually seen a Titan, I was convinced I wanted to be a scout, take 'em all on. Now I never wanna lay eyes on one again. Now today, we have to pick which regiment to join." He was silent for a moment before he spoke up again. "Ah, hell. Hey Annie, do you think Jean meant it? You think he's serious about signing up for the Scouts?"

"Wait, Jean said that?" Armin asked.

"No way..." I muttered, looking over at Connie to make sure he wasn't bullshitting us. 

"Who cares." Annie finally spoke.

"So you're sticking with the MPs, huh?" Connie asked her. "I'm really starting to think I might go that way too."

"Tell me something." Annie started, "If someone ordered you to die, would you do it?"

"What? Of course not." Connie replied. 

"Well, then my advice is to do what's best for you," Annie concluded. "And what about you two? Armin, Alicia?"

"As long as it's outside the walls." I said, "I've spent my whole life going from one cage to another. I'd like to taste true freedom before I go."

"Oh... I think I might." Armin replied. "If the situation truly called for it, and I knew that my sacrifice might save others, not that I'd want to..."

"So, it looks like you two have decided then," Annie said.

Armin nodded, "We've planed to join the Scouts from the start." 

"Come one, not you too..." Connie sighed.

"I'm impressed." Annie replied, "You're top of the class, could join the MPs with no problem. You too, Armin. For a mouse, you've got guts. I'll give you that."

"Thanks, I guess..." Armin smiled nervously. "You know, I'm beginning to suspect you care more than you let on." Annie's head shot towards him. Her face was almost horrified. "It's just the way you're trying to discourage us from the Scouts. You're looking out for us. Is that why you're joining the MPs? I bet you think you could do some good there too."

I shook my head, and Annie agreed. "No, not really. I just want to live. The only person I'm looking out for is myself."

~

In the hour before the regiment assignments, I couldn't stand still. I paced back and forth over the same two feet of land, over and over again. I was about to join the Scout Regiment. I could hear my friends talking nearby, but I ignored them as I couldn't stop thinking about Farlan and Isabel. They gave their lives for the Scouts. They died on their first expedition out, just as 30% of new recruits do. Was I about to join them? Become part of that grim statistic? 

I couldn't stop thinking about the implications of what was about to happen. I would finally be fulfilling my end of the deal, and I wouldn't have to worry about some higher-ups suddenly changing their minds or of the Military Police finding out I killed three of their comrades. I wouldn't have to worry because I would be giving my life to Humanity. I would be granting my existence some meaning, even if it was for my own personal gain.

No. That's not right.

I wasn't doing this for myself anymore. Somewhere along the line, I actually started believing in the cause. I saw that my life, maybe even my sacrifice, would mean something. That Humanity  _ could  _ beat the Titans. There was a chance, especially now with Eren's abilities (They wouldn't be an unknown factor forever). Someday, we would concur the most prominent enemy we had ever known and start rebuilding life in Wall Maria and outside the walls. 

Somewhere along the line, "I have to join the Scouts." turned into, "I'm going to join the Scouts." 

Somewhere along the line, I stopped fearing my eventual initiation into the Scout Regiment and started embracing it. 

Somewhere along the line, I figured out that this was who I was meant to be. This was always where my life would have ended up.

Had Levi, Farlan, Isabel, and I never been caught by the Scout Regiment, we would have bought our way out eventually. We would likely have moved to the cheapest city we could find, which would have been Shiganshina. 

We would have been moved to the Wall Maria refugee camps when the wall fell. Levi, Farlan, and Isabel would have been forced to go help reclaim Wall Maria. Their ODM skill might have been discovered, and they might have been requested to join the Scouts full time. I would have been forced to join the Cadets or work in the fields once I turned twelve. I would have likely chosen the Cadets. I would have seen Eren in his Titan form. I would have felt the same rush of hope that I did now. I would still be standing here, about to make a decision that wasn't really a decision to me.

Somewhere along the line, maybe the day I had stolen the ODM gear, possibly even the day I was born, my fate was decided. 

I was going to join the Scouts, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmmm thank you all for the nice comments on my last chapter, they meant so much to me! I reread each of them like seven times, I felt so fuzzy-
> 
> Anyway, I wrote this chapter at a healthy rate I PROMISE, I think 3,000 words is gonna be my new standard for chapter length-


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